Pronunciation: /blas-fuh-mee/

 blasphemyBlasphemy is when you do something to defy God, or when you pretend you’re God. In my case, since I am an unofficial atheist but love giant pandas with a passion, blasphemy is any act you can possibly think of that would lead to the ruin of any item that is panda-related. For instance, it would be blasphemous of me to destroy my panda saving tin to save whatever tiny flying animal it was that managed to get itself trapped inside.

I know what you’re thinking: “If you’re an unofficial atheist, then what are you officially?” Strictly speaking, I am a Christian, but since I never go to mass, disagree with a lot the Bible says and basically stopped believing, I call myself an atheist. I suppose. I do believe in some things, just not any more in the things they taught me to believe in when I was young.

But that’s not the point. The point is something died in my panda saving tin (see picture – I know, so cute! Well, not the dead thing, obviously I meant the pandas…).

My eyes might be getting worse and don’t even mention my lacking in the sense of smell department, but my ears are still pretty darn fine. So I knew I wasn’t going crazy when I started hearing soft, sharp noises last night. I simply couldn’t find where they were coming from, and because I only heard them once or twice I didn’t let it bother me and went to sleep. But this morning the noises came back when I was standing near my desk where I keep my panda saving tin (among other items), and I just had to find out what the noises were. After a few minutes I realized they were coming from inside the tin, so I picked it up and shook it (leading to what I think was a sudden death for whatever fly like animal must have been inside – Oops!), making something bounce around inside.

I don’t keep money in this tin, because that would also be blasphemy to me. You see, I am crazy, no, OBSESSED with giant pandas! And every panda-item I’ve collected since I was three (that’s when I got my first stuffed panda and things rapidly got worse) is sacred to me. I receive a lot of panda-themed items for my birthday every year, and even receiving doubles makes me happy. Because it means I get to safely store away one item without removing it from its packaging, while I can put the other one on display somewhere in my room.

I know, I am weird. Want to hear something totally scary? I met people who were worse than me! Terrifying, but true.

My tin, though, is a one-of-a-kind piece, meaning I don’t have another one of it. That’s why I don’t put money in it, because if one day I’d like to get that money out, I’d have to open the bottom of the tin with a tin opener. No money in the world is worth destroying a good panda item for!

So I’m so sorry, fruit fly (I suspect it was a fruit fly, what else could have fitted through that tiny slot?), but I couldn’t save you from spending the rest of your short life in darkness. If it cheers you up, your body will be saved and preserved. Well, tinned for the rest of your afterlife, more like. But still.

I can’t believe how something managed to get stuck inside that tin. It’s been a part of my collection for years and I’ve never experienced this before. I do feel a bit sad, because I am an animal lover and if I could’ve saved whatever’s inside without having to break anything, I would have. But I can’t 😦

That’s the thing about me. I like all animals. I just happen to love pandas. There’s nothing in the world that could ever change that. Not even God, if He exists (or is it blasphemous of me to say that?).

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