Heroes (aka You Can’t Learn To Fly Without Falling First)

Pronunciation: /heer-oh s/

“A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles”Christopher Reeve

The past weekend was tough, but it also brought me a lot of perspective. I learned that people are, in fact, quite predictable (and still nobody has proved me wrong on that). I learned that some people and creatures always put a smile on my face, even if I have no intention of enjoying myself. But each time I visit my nephew and niece, it’s pure magic. They’re just so adorable, they manage to break even my strongest cranky barrier. And my pets, who are beyond cute and who seem to increase their crazy, funny actions in times I am feeling down.

But no thanks go out to the weather, though. I wish the stupid rain would stop already!

Anyway, I am feeling better and happier. I realise you need to fall a few times before you’re able to appreciate the things you have (instead of longing for the things you don’t have). It is, ironically, just like the Dutch weather: they keep telling us things will get better, and sadly that’s the only truth. Because it can hardly get any worse.

It’s the same with my life: sometimes I need to feel incredibly down, only to realise there’s only one way to go: up.
I am terrified I’ll take a wrong turn in life and will end up lost, so maybe this is my safety-net (be it a strange one). I can’t make a decision what I want, so instead I sit around and wait. And then when nothing happens I get moody and cranky and have a minor breakdown, only to get back up again and redo the whole thing.

I am seriously weird.

And impatient. Because I have a plan, and I’ve had it since the beginning of this year. It’s just that once I know what I want, I usually can’t wait to get it. And what I want is another sign from The Universe on where to go with my life. Do I stay in this wet country or do I start packing again for another foreign adventure (after which I return home and the process of finding a job, saving up, and travelling starts over).
That’s what I do: in times of doubt, let The Universe decide. It minimises the chances of making big life-time mistakes. At least, that’s how I justify it in my head. The reality is different, of course.

I want to travel. I want to spread my wings and fly (what was my secret superhero power again? Oh right, being inexorable). I want to get away from all the lying, deceiving, energy-sucking people who drain me emotionally, every day. I want to be free. I want to enjoy my life. So maybe it’s a good thing nobody wants to hire me! ๐Ÿ˜‰

Honestly, my life isn’t that bad. It could be better, but it could also be a lot worse. But sometimes it’s allowed to feel a bit under the weather (especially during a time that just won’t stop being another prolonging of the rain season). It’s okay, because everyone has bad days now and then. We’re all “dancing with the demons in our minds” (wooahahwooaoahoo) every now and then. But we make it through. We fight back and continue down this road. Because we’re heroes. Relentless, strong, and mighty super heroes!


6 thoughts on “Heroes (aka You Can’t Learn To Fly Without Falling First)”

  1. “Do I stay in this wet country or do I start packing again for another foreign adventure (after which I return home and the process of finding a job, saving up, and travelling starts over).”

    If your parents can take care of themselves, maybe consider moving abroad permanently?

    Actually, I have long plotted the move in my head: disappear from the current life, then emerge in a new place that no one knows me, and start afresh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think the problem is my parents, indeed. I know they are probably able to take care of themselves, but since my mother’s illness I am over-protective of both of them (especially because neither of my sisters stepped in to help). So maybe the problem isn’t my parents but just me being concerned about them all the time :p
      My plan is to move away indeed. Rent a place somewhere abroad, and focus on writing my stories, maybe finding an overseas job. But for a control freak like me, I need a little more time to plan things out perfectly, and to grow used to the idea of leaving. I WANT to leave, but part of me is so set on security, I’m also kind of scared to just leave everything behind. I know, I’m a walking paradox :p

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Every night I swim outdoor. The most difficult part is to get into the water—it is cold. But once you take that plunge and get into the water, everything is just fine. You need 5 seconds courage to enjoy 30 min swim.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 1. “Rent a place somewhere abroad, and focus on writing my stories, maybe finding an overseas job”:

        You may seriously consider Southern California (from LA to San Diego). The weather is unbeatable. Regardless of your type, you can also find your crowd.

        2. “so set on security, Iโ€™m also kind of scared to just leave everything behind”

        We all want security and fear uncertainty. But often times, what ‘security’ really means is suffocation. We have only one life to live; the time wastes on suffocation is the time we cannot spend on breathing the fresh.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. I know you mean well and I appreciate your concern and advice, but I am so tired of trying to figure out the best way to go, all I want now is some time off :p My aim for now is going on a nice long holiday to Canada, enjoy myself, re-energise, and while there look at my life from a distance. That usually works best for me. I have a plan of what I’d like to do, and I know I’ll do it (I’m stubborn like that). But for now all I need is more peace in my head, and less thinking about the future. The present is already stressful enough :p


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