Pronunciation: /hev-uh n/
Well, what do you know: I am still alive! 🙂 Despite some serious lack of sleep after Mika’s concert last Tuesday, and after another cruel night filled with hot flashes and lots of worrying, I am alive and kicking!
Don’t worry, this post is not going to be all about Mika, even though I had a blast at his concert. Nor am I going to bore you again with my irrational fears of dying. As mentioned in earlier posts: I never really believed I was going to die in the past week, but try reasoning with panic attacks. I’m telling you, you’re better off starting a discussion with a wall than trying to talk sense into your own freaked out brains. The wall’s echo will be so much more rewarding than what any panic attack can give you, which is nothing.
Having said that, I thought it was quite brilliant how Mika’s concert tour is called “Heaven” and I thought I was going to die, so in a way I went to heaven and came back. Also (last thing I’ll mention about the concert), check out the picture at the top: I took it with my phone, which means the quality is bad, but it gives you an idea of how close I was to the stage.
And that without ever putting in much effort to get to the venue early. I fact, me and my sister were quite relaxed and laid back, having a nice dinner beforehand and joining the ever growing line of people just twenty minutes before the doors opened. How on Earth we managed to get this close to the stage is a mystery to me, but I swear I could stare Mika straight in the eyes.
I’m also pretty sure he didn’t stare back/didn’t see me at all, and if he did, he must have thought I was the creepiest fan in the room. But still. Had a blast 😉
And now it’s back to reality! I am still alive. I took a sip from heaven and now I am going to take a bite of reality.
I am going to use this fake deadline of life (or rather: “death-line”) as a finish line for my old life and a starting point for my future. Sitting around waiting for my life to end is not a healthy thing to do for a twenty-eight-year-old. Nor is dreaming about things I want to do, and not doing them.
It ends here. Goodbye depression, sadness, panic attacks, and sleepless nights. Hello organising my future! I feel so excited I could sing! (which, if you click on the link under the photo, you might hear me do, along with hundreds of other people. Click at own risk, is the advice).
I believe it’s not a necessity at all to die, before going to heaven. Provided you have the right resources and the right mindset, heaven is just within grasps. And I am going to catch mine, no matter what.