Aside

Singing In The Rain

Why oh why did I ever think it would be a good idea to buy a cute little summer dress? I mean, at the rate the rain has been pouring down lately, I’ll never be able to wear it! 😡

Oh, sod it! I guess this means it’s the right time to invest in thermo pants/leggings.

Status Update

Wishmasters And More

Wishmaster in his infant-form
Wishmaster II: Evil Never Dies started off hilariously with the awakening of the Djinn :’) They don’t make movies like these any more 😦

In essence, Wishmaster is the perfect guy: he’s got a great sense of humour and always does what he says he will. Too bad for him he keeps falling for the wrong girls.

So my lazy day consisted of doing some basic chores, reading a lot (I bought three new books but I won’t allow myself to start a new one until I’ve finally finished The Count Of Monte Cristo – I know it’s taking me ages, but it’s nearly 900 pages and I am a busy woman). And finally, I decided to cosy up in bed with my laptop and watch Wishmaster II: Evil Never Dies. Great movie, hilarious acting and superb one-liners. A must see for all stressed-out people who can use a little distraction (while at it, go see part one, too. Equally hilarious).

My stress level has degraded some bit, but unfortunately it’s not cured in a single (lazy) day. But my new daily regime includes simple breathing techniques and visualisations of positivity entering my mind (as well as peace and quiet) and so far it seems to work. Can’t really tell because I’ve only been doing it for two days. But hey, if I get my counting-out-loud-while-pretending-to-be-an-instructor right at next Monday’s Body Pump class, I’ll know it works. Although I suspect a miracle has to happen before I am able to transmit my tranquillity and serenity through that microphone, haha.

But that’s for Monday. And there’s an entire weekend ahead of that. It’ll be fine. Just breathe in, breathe out. And watch some bad movies while at it.

This is my way of trying to relax. What’s yours? Any tricks or tips on how to cut back on stress?

Dictionary

Inexorable

Pronunciation: /in-ek-ser-uh-buh l/

“What other dungeon is so dark as one’s own heart! What jailer so inexorable as one’s self!”Nathaniel Hawthorne

I am losing my touch. Seriously. I used to be able to close myself off from others by nothing more than an imaginative snapping of my fingers. And that was it, you know. If someone hurt me badly, something would snap inside me and that’d be it: no second chance. No more receiving my attention, love or friendship. They would be out, and out for good. And I wouldn’t be spending a seconds thought on them, either.

So where did I go wrong? What happened that softened me? What made me lose my touch and made me not want to go to war any more? (Except for the song, because seriously, that just cheers me up).
This was one of the things I was always so proud of: knowing that if someone managed to get too close to me and hurt me, I’d block them out for good and never let them back in again. It’s what I call my “defence system” and it never needed manual triggering. It would just happen.

But now it’s malfunctioning! My level of inexorable-ness has somehow lowered and I am becoming a softy! Aarh!

I still don’t believe in second chances. In my head the rules are simple: if you hurt me, it means I can’t trust you. And if that happened once, then who can guarantee it won’t happen twice? The person who messed up? Yeah right, as if I’d be stupid enough to believe them again.

Sooo… I guess I was stupid enough. And what did it bring me? A lot of stress, head aches and a sniggering bastard at someone’s birthday party. I was seriously laughed at by the person who managed to get a second chance from me and who f*cked up twice. And why? Because I entered the room and said: “Hi, everyone,” before quickly turning to the birthday girl to give her presents. It must have been hilarious… O.o

What has happened to the world? What has happened to me!? I used to be such an ice queen (I even dedicated an entire blog post to that fact), and now things are bothering me. So much so that it keeps me up at night.

You know what, maybe that change inside me isn’t so bad. So what if I no longer shut every idiot out of my life automatically. So what if I have to actually think about my actions now. I’ve been burned twice, sure, but I can guarantee you all for the full 100% I’ll never make that mistake a third time (or a second time with anyone else)!
And that’s a deliberate decision, mind you. Which is far worse than an automatically generated response. Hah, guess who’s laughing now, punk!

Maybe I’m not growing soft, maybe I am merely waking up. Which means that I may not be inexorable (I kind of always thought it was something that I had in me, like a genetic flaw), but I surely choose to be so when it suits me best. It’s like a hidden super power. Tan-dah-dah-dah, it’s: Inexora-Sam! (Okay, maybe I need to work on that a bit more – Although I just bought an amazing dress I look totally awesome in that could be my super hero outfit!)

Before writing this post I was being inexorable to myself. Why did I behave so silly on the birthday party, and why couldn’t I just be the bigger person like I usually pretend I am? Why did I let Mr. Giant Arse and his little friends laugh at me? I loathe it when people mock me, it’s on my list of things I hate!
I kept criticising myself for something I couldn’t even help. Because what really happened was: I got hit by a reflex. That’s all. A leftover from being bullied so badly for so long. And it took me until now, after I’ve written it out in words, to see that (literally seeing it, I suppose, is the key).

Choosing to be inexorable works both ways: you can choose to be heartless and cruel and solid as a rock regarding your actions. And you can choose to tone it down a bit. So here I am, manually upping my level of inexorability towards that jerk and all future jerks, and deliberately choosing to be kinder to my persona.

I’m so much cooler than him anyway, with my super powers and all 😉

Hey! Having to do this manually might also mean I am (finally) learning to let people in! Which is a good thing, because now at least I know that even if when they hurt me I can still kick them out of my life. Personally. Willingly. Not automatically.

So, I guess I am still inexorable, but only when I need to be. Hurray for self-revelations and super powers!

 

What’s your secret power? And when did you use it last?

Aside

All Set, Ready To Roll!

Pajamas: check
Slippers: check
Cozy blanket: check
TV: check
Wine: check
Stash of incredibly unhealthy-but-okay-for-once-a-year-snacks: check

I am all ready for this year’s Eurovision Song Contest (even if it’s all fake and incredibly over-the-top and won’t start in another hour). Bring on the bad songs and terrible stage acts! I am ready to be entertained! 😀

Status Update

Long Overdue

Well, this is it! My article about my trip to Norway got published on a travel website! In case anyone is interested in how  Dutch looks (or is Dutch and wants to read it), or just wants to see some awesome pictures of a gorgeous country, you can find my story here!

The website is created by and for travellers and doesn’t earn money off the articles. Therefore, I wasn’t allowed to advertise the company I travelled with in the article. But if by any chance you would like to experience Norway on your own, you’re always welcome to contact me for helpful information or click this link (Dutch website).

So, so happy! 🙂

Norway
One of the beaches I visited in northern Norway