Heart to Post

Sunday Summary

(Week 3)

sunday_summary_new“It’s better to travel well than to arrive”Buddha

You’d think it’d become more difficult to learn something new each day when you’ve kept it up for a few months, but nothing is less true. Keep an open mind and you’ll be surprised how much extra wisdom you’ll gather. Here’s my list of what I’ve learned this week:

  1. It’s better to look stupid than to be stupid. Last Monday was probably the coldest day of the week and of course me and my mother picked that exact date to go shopping. It was freezing outside and I decided to put my self-knitted woolly hat on. Truth be told: it’s not the most fashionable item I own (like I own anything fashionable), but it keeps my ears warm.
    During our stroll to the city centre I noticed some teenage girls pointing and laughing at my hat, and I pitied them. I thought: maybe I look stupid with my self-made piece of un-stylish wool on my head, these girls are stupid for not wearing anything to prevent their ears (or brains) from freezing. I rather look stupid than be stupid any day.
  2. When in a tough situation, choose the option that’s best for you. Without feeling guilty, if you’re in a position in which you have to make a decision and all options make you feel uncomfortable, choose what works best for you. You’ll probably end up hurting someone’s feelings no matter the choice you make, and it better be someone else’s, however rude it may sound.
    The woman who gave me a free pedicure (number six) also works in the supermarket me and my mother visit weekly, and after the strange pedicure-experience she stopped talking to us for a while. But last Tuesday I suddenly heard her and my mother chat. Afterwards my mum told me the woman’s slowly hinting towards us hiring her for a pedicure (besides not being very good at it, she also charges almost twice as much as any other). In a way, she’s abusing my mother’s politeness, trying to make her a customer against her will. I talked to my mum and we decided it’s best for everyone that next time, if she starts the conversation up again, we nip it in the butt: tell her we’re not interested, we found someone else and we don’t need her services. If we don’t, before we know it we’ll be stuck with her forever. And with wonky feet. Yikes! Maybe she’ll be hurt for a while (I imagine another silent treatment), but it’s better for everyone: we won’t give her the idea we will, one day, hire her, and she will stop trying to get to maltreat our feet.
  3. People who make you feel bad, aren’t worth your time. I blogged about having a very awkward and uncomfortable job interview last Tuesday, and Hemangini commented: “well if people make someone feel bad then it shows who and how they are and it doesn’t say much about you, ain’t that right?”
    It made me realise people who make you feel bad are never worth your time. NEVER! Nobody has the right to make you feel bad about yourself. Especially if you’re out there trying to be the best person you can be. Forget about them. You don’t need them, you need self-love and -appreciation. And you deserve that. People who look down on your are pitiable themselves: they probably need to do so in order to feel good about themselves. Don’t believe a word they say and move on with your life. Try to find people who are worth your time and energy, and who will make you feel good!
  4. The cure for writer’s block is simple: write! (Also, a glass of wine can occasionally help break the strain on your thoughts). I had no idea what to write about last Thursday, but I knew I wasn’t going to let myself off with finding a quote. Or typing a status update. I wanted a full post, a Dictionary-entry. So I looked through some scribbles (I swear I drive myself crazy with all the snippets of paper I have lying around everywhere, things messily jotted down on them), and nothing caught my eye. I’ve had writer’s block in the past, a pretty nasty case of it, so now I write down all ideas I get for posts or stories, like having a safety net. But none of my ideas triggered something. Unwilling to give up, I logged onto WordPress anyway and decided to just start writing and see where it’d take me. I ended up with this post. It got liked, it got comments, it even got linked back to. It turned out to be one of my most successful posts! So safe to say: cure your writer’s block by writing!
  5. Music is the best therapy ever invented. I’ve been feeling a bit blue lately, which mostly originates from health issues that, apparently, STILL aren’t solved (*sigh*), and I didn’t feel like doing anything. So Thursday I stayed in bed longer than my alarm clock wanted, and grabbed my iPod, thinking maybe music could help. I once told someone (I might even have blogged about it, but I’m not sure), that my current record stands at four Love Today’s by Mika, before I change from being upset/crying to smiling and singing along.
    Not in the mood for Love Today, though, I tried out a few other songs that usually make me want to get up and dance, and it worked! It took me about forty minutes to change my mood from being as dark as a night sky during a thunderstorm to a clear blue one with a nice dose of sunshine. Don’t get me wrong: I didn’t feel great afterwards, but I went from feeling desperate and forlorn to being okay. Which is a huge improvement anyway.
    I didn’t think it was possible to lift my moods, but music is magic. It can help you relax, it can help you get stuff out of your system, it can help you fall asleep, and it can also help you feel better. Plus it’s much cheaper than a therapist πŸ˜‰
  6. I am ALWAYS the odd one out! I suspect my fate is to feel lonely and misunderstood my entire life. Here’s what happened: my best friend invited me to join her team for a Pub Quiz. Nothing new, I’ve done that tons of times in the past. The Pub Quiz is always a Good Time and I can’t remember ever not enjoying it. Until last Friday.
    Like I said: I don’t know what happened, but at one point I just didn’t feel like it any more. Not exactly sure what “it” was, but I didn’t feel like being a delightful human being that evening. I didn’t know anyone except for my friend and her boyfriend. Oh, and some other girl on our team, but only superficially. I didn’t know the other two girls, but everyone else knew each other because they are all on the same sports team (except for the boyfriend, but he seemed to know the others better than I did).
    Anyway, at one point I had just had it. With no apparent reason I stopped feeling the need to be a pleasant person. I think I quit liking to pretend I am someone I am not. I am different than everyone I know, yet I keep trying to fool them all into thinking I am normal. And it wears me down. Not only that, it makes it seem okay for people to treat me as if I am dumb. I am not dumb, I am simply trying to fit in. But I can’t, because I am on a completely different level. Not better, not worse, just different! It’s tiring always having to pretend you’re someone you’re not, to always try and make others like you. That’s what I realised Friday night: I don’t fit in. Ever. So why try so hard? Makes no sense. I am who I am. Deal with it.
  7. I am so curious what my wise paper has to say this week! Here it is: You dare to live and don’t torment yourself too much with thoughts. You do your job and sing your song while being happily expectant.


    Okay, first of all: I am not pregnant! Just to have that clear. Second, sometimes the paper contains a motto rather than a wise saying, I never know what I get because they’re all rolled up and the writing’s on the inside.
    Now, to the text: I’d like to try that. Put my thoughts on simmer and enjoy myself while trying out new things and singing happy songs. Seems like a wonderful idea! Too bad I’m a crap singer… I almost feel bad for my poor neighbours πŸ˜‰

I always amaze myself at how much you can learn in a single week. But you’re never too old to learn more, so I say: bring on next week!

Hopefully you’ve all had an awesome week, and I wish you seven more great and insightful days! As always, here’s the Earworm Of The Week to get your spirits in a better mood, if needed. And if not, maybe this medley will bring back some lovely childhood video game-memories. It sure did for this nerdy girl πŸ˜‰

Cheers, everyone!

Dictionary

Future (aka “Where Do You See Yourself In Five Years?”)

[noun; ~ Pronunciation: /fyoo-cher/]

  • Definition: All the time that hasn’t passed yet. For some, the future consists of all their thoughts, plans, and goals they wish to achieve at some point in their lives. For others, it’s nothing but a grey area. For less others, the future is like a TV-drama series and all they have to do is watch to see what happens. For me, it’s an unknown adventure.

“Only you can control your future”Dr. Seuss

Is Dr. Seuss right? Can we control our future? I think to some extent we can, but there’s more to it than willpower alone.

Three years ago I started a retail job and I remember being asked that dreaded question during my job interview: “where do you see yourself in five years?” I had just fought through the worst period of my life, the one in which my mother had cancer, and the last thing on my mind was making plans for the future. If anything, my mother’s illness taught me ‘future’ is relative.

Before that, I had plans! TONS of plans! And I was well on my way of working through them, one by one, when my mum got the devastating news and all I wanted then was to fix her. Or at the very least take care of her. My planned future, my visualisation of what was in store for me, changed overnight and the real future took over.

I don’t think we control our future. I think we have a say in it, but we don’t get to choose what happens to us. For instance, it was my choice to study sociology, but it were personal circumstances I had little control over that caused me to graduate a year later than planned (With Honours, might I add – I’ve never been prouder of my own efforts!).

If ten years ago someone would have asked me what my life would look like today, I’d have described something not even close to reality! I’m not saying I am unhappy, on the contrary: I am growing happier and wiser each day. I AM saying the future can’t be created, but can only be shaped.

Sitting at home waiting for things to happen doesn’t work. Trust me, I’ve tried πŸ˜‰ Going out there and doing something, that will trigger new events and change your future from being dull and depressing into exciting and adventurous (at least I hope it will – if not I’m screwed)!
I think that’s the only say we have in this thing called the future: our actions. Choose a path and follow it, or create one of your own. But whatever you do, you will encounter bears on your way, as well as butterflies (I’m trying out metaphors here, bear with me!), and you will have to deal with them both as you walk along.

In the end, there is only one truth: there’s no way of avoiding your future, no matter what you do. It’s going to happen anyway.

Where do I see myself five years from now? I have no clue. I’ve decided to leave my future wide open, and can only imagine it’s not prison where I’ll be.

Then again, you never know for sure, do you? πŸ˜‰

Dictionary

Blue Monday (aka Blue Tuesdays Are Worse)

[noun; ~ Pronunciation: /bloo/ /muhn-dee/]

    • Definition: The third Monday of each January, also known as the most depressing day worldwide since on this day most people realise their New Year’s resolutions didn’t quite work out (again), and they forget they have about 48 more weeks left to pick them up/try again. For those skipping this day of international gloom, there’s always Blue Tuesday, hidden in the grass like a snake, waiting to bite you in the butt. Blue Tuesdays are worse than their Monday counterparts, because nobody believes in their existence (yet), but they attack just when you think the worst is over.

blue_monday“Monday is great if I can spend it in bed. I’m a man of simple pleasures, really” – Arthur Darvill

There it is, right in front you you. Monday, in blue ^. Apparently it’s a global happening and we’re all supposed to be depressed for not sticking to our New Year’s resolutions. Which is why I never do resolutions: to skip this doomed day of international grief.

And I skipped it, alright.

Now, I wanted to blog about resolutions, failing them, and realising you have tons of time left to make something of them before the year is over. But then I had to go to a job interview. Or, as they tried to fool me, a “chat to get to know each other, nothing else.”

You know it’s anything but that the second the words are out.

I knew I was going to mess up, because I don’t do well in interviews. I tend to get so very very extraordinarily uncomfortable around people talking down on me while deciding whether or not they like me (and want to pay me to work for them), it’s no surprise I wasn’t hired for any of the many interviews I had last year. Darn nerves!

To be fair: I wasn’t at my worst today, but I wasn’t at my best either. But even if I had been, the results would have been the same: it’s over. My Body Pump adventure stops when the new folks take over.

Which leaves me sad and gloomy, despite now having all the time in the world to work on my goals (read: hidden resolutions) for 2016. For this reason, I’ve decided to let go of Blue Mondays and introduce Blue Tuesdays instead:

blue_tuesday
It already looks more depressing than the Monday version, doesn’t it? That’s because IT IS more depressing!

Here’s what happened: I went in, they chatted themselves up (and their company – why can’t people just stick to lining out what their business is all about? Why does it always have to be the Best Business On Earth?), and then they talked a little bit about me. Well, they asked me some questions, which I answered in all honesty, and then they commented on my responses in a way that made me feel uncomfortable.

Then they asked me if I could show them how I teach a class by giving them a short, private lesson (sort of). I genuinely don’t care if I have to do this for two strangers or ten, so I did (lucky for them I accidentally brought my CD). In fact, I was happier doing my “thing” than sitting down being judged. This way, at least I had some fun, too.

In the end, we sat down again and it all came down to three options:

  1. They hire me and pay for my course to become a licensed instructor, as long as I work for them afterwards and set out to fill my own classes to the max (here I imagined standing on a street corner handing out flyers and begging people to come visit my class – How’s that my job? I thought that’s what they have PR departments for!). I’ll get paid minimum wages (probably less), due to being inexperienced.
  2. I become a freelancer and pay for my own course and additional stuff. I’ll have to set my own wages and get gym holders to hire me (Fun Fact: when they explained this option to me, they couldn’t resist but tell me “you might think you’ve been at it for a while now, but you’re only just starting so don’t expect to get paid a high salary for your services” – Ouch! This is also what they basically said when talking me through option 1…)
  3. I stop being an instructor.

So there you have it. They will phone me next week to turn me down (I can’t imagine being hired if they think I’m as bad as they made me feel :p), which is fine. Next week Blue Tuesday‘s over but I’ll still remember what the boss lady said: “you no longer have to be part of a gym to get your licence as a Body Pump instructor.”

I’m not sure if I want to follow down this path of becoming a full-fledged instructor, but if I do, here’s what got my attacked-by-BlueTuesday-sad-spirits lifted:

Body Pump is being taught all over the world.

One of my goals for this year is to move to another country. Add one to one and what do you get? An uplifted Sam with renewed determination to make something of her goals for this year.

Blue Mondays and Tuesdays – hah!

How are your resolutions coming along?

Heart to Post

Sunday Summary

(Week 2)

sunday_summary_new“A loving heart is the beginning of all knowledge”Thomas Carlyle

A new Sunday means a new summary! Here’s what this week has taught me:

  1. Letting go of old clothes feels like letting go of memories. I’m not sure if this is a woman thing or not, but when I was cleaning out my closet this week I caught myself coming up with excuse after excuse why I should hold on to items of clothing I, in fact, never wear. There was absolutely no reason at all why I should want to keep an outdated, outworn sports T-shirt, but I very much didn’t want to throw it away. Why? Because of the memories it contains: cycling 35k for Pink Ribbon without passing out or dying from hypothermia, a dreadful try-out evening at a badminton club which turned into a great idea for a horror story yet to write, countless evenings of having fun at Zumba, and so much more. And that was just one T-shirt…
    I ended up de-cluttering my wardrobe as intended, after telling myself (over and over again) those memories aren’t locked in the items, they are locked in my mind.
  2. If you don’t invest in something, don’t expect it to become a success. The owner of my gym is selling his business as a last resort. I know it’s the only option he’s got left to stay out of debt, but I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if he had actually done something with the great ideas we (a small team of volunteers and people he hired) came up with six months ago. Maybe not all results from our brain storm session were good, but some of them were definitely worth trying out to get more members. Nothing happened though, no actions were taken and as a result no significant amount of new subscribers was gathered. And now the gym’s being sold.
    The moral here is: if you’re not going to put in any effort, don’t expect something to become a success. Don’t think your life will get interesting if you do nothing to help it become so. Get up and do something!
  3. Toilet cleaning liquid works great as a descaler for your bathroom floor! Honestly, this is the best household tip ever! Take your toilet detergent and squirt some of it on the tiles of your bathroom floor you can see water took its toll on. Let it soak in for a few minutes, then scrub it off with a brush and wipe up the remains with a wet cloth. Result: your floor tiles will look as good as new!
    I’m always in for a challenge, but when my client told me about this I have to admit I was a bit sceptical. However, fair is fair: she was right and it works miracles! Toilet cleaner, everyone, is the best kept secret in the magical world of decalcifying! Or at least it was.
  4. Never give up, even if you feel like the day’s lost. Last Friday I woke up and I knew: today is going to be a bad day. Why? Because from the second I opened my eyes, my head was bursting with worries, resentment, and fear. Usually when this happens this early in the morning, it continues throughout the day. In the past I used to linger and stay in bed for as long as possible, but this time I decided to approach it differently. And even if I wasn’t at my best behaviour that day, I found out I actually enjoyed myself at moments, and managed to push those negative thoughts to the back of my head, giving me some relief. I even got some housework done. A day wasted? I think not. Just push through and you’ll see your day isn’t wasted at all!
  5. This build on number four: your day’s never wasted if you’ve enjoyed it. I always felt like a day was lost unless I’d done something meaningful, like study, work, or visit a friend. Now I know time’s never wasted, provided you enjoyed your endeavours. What did I do yesterday, apart from going to my morning sports class? Absolutely nothing! And was my day wasted? Absolutely not! I needed some time off, doing nothing at all, and I enjoyed myself. I watched some TV, played with my pets, and finished reading a book. Meaningless? I don’t think so. Maybe I didn’t help save the world from self-destruction, but hey, there’s always tomorrow πŸ˜‰
  6. I learned that David Bowie and Alan Rickman died. I wasn’t a fan of either of them, but what shocked me was that both of them had a severe form of cancer and had chosen not to go public with this (which I totally understand – my mother might not be a celebrity, but when she was ill the last thing we wanted to do was have everyone everywhere know about it). And I’m not sure, but I think I read somewhere they were both 69, which is way too young to die, let alone die of cancer. My father is 65 and I can’t imagine him not being here in four years… it’s just weird. So, two icons gone. Just like that. It’s enough to make any chatterbox fall silent…
  7. Paper wisdommm! I grabbed one with my eyes closed, so let’s hope it’s something upbeat after number six!
    (Oh geesh): a depression can be the sand that makes the pearl.
    best_wishes
    I won’t say my depression was a good thing, or the best thing that ever happened to me, because it wasn’t. For nine years I felt like I was completely worthless, had no right to be here on this world, and I can’t remember going a single day without crying, feeling terrible, and wanting to die. So no, a depression is never good, and I won’t ever go back to feeling like that, ever! Even thinking back at what I refer to as my Personal Dark Ages makes me feel intensely sad. Talk about wasting time: my depression surely was! I wasted so many years thinking I was an ugly, dumb, worthless creature, and it took me so long to realise I am not. All those things I could have been doing as a teenager and young adolescent, but all those days wasted on hating myself…
    But that’s the thing, isn’t it? It’s not the depression that’s a good experience, it’s what comes after. The metaphorical calm after the storm. Did it make me stronger? No, the depression didn’t. Fighting it did. Did it make me wiser? No, being stuck in a downwards spiral of self-loathing didn’t. But breaking through that spiral did. Did it make me feel more beautiful? No, avoiding all mirrors and cameras didn’t. But dusting off the sand covering my pearl surely did (okay that sounds weird, but you get what I mean, right?).
    Paper wisdom… Why is it always spot on?

That’s it for this week’s wisdom. I hope your week was as insightful as mine, and if not, well, there’s always next week πŸ˜‰

I’d like to end this summary with paying homage to a man whose music I grew up with (even if I can only name two titles of his work – okay three). I admired and respected him for his strong will and for always walking his own path rather than following others. I love people with a mind of their own!

Mister Bowie (and Mister Rickman), this Earworm Of The Week’s for you!

Cheers, everyone! Have a happy week 3!

Aside

The Unfair Vacation Fair

After visiting the National Vacation Fair today (which is also the reason I’m not posting a full blog – too tired!), it is safe to say I am in need of a vacation.

Oof, that was hard work! So many people I wanted to slap, so much pressure not to!

I forgot how awful I find big crowds, and how my inner psychopath surfaces when I’m being regularly bumped into, shoved, cut off, or overrun by idiots with trolley carts, for no reason!! 😑

Seriously, who needs a trolley when you’re at A FAIR!? You’re not actually on a vacation yet, you’re only pretending to be away! Get a grip, people!

I am visiting the Migration Fair in a month (so, so dreading it), and I’ve already picked a HUMONGOUS trolley to take with me! As revenge I intend to follow people around, run them over, crush their toes and bruise their heels, cut in line, shove my cart in their faces, and steal their pens (you always get tons of free pens at fairs anyway – or aren’t you supposed to take them?). I am going to be so incredibly annoying, people will jump at a chance of helping me move as far away as possible!

Urgh!

On the bright side (luckily there’s always a bright side): I collected loads of info on trips to Canada today! πŸ™‚ Will get that sorted out.

Soon. Not now, I can hardly keep my eyes open. Although at least I picked a side, that’s something! It’s definitely going to be the west part of Canada πŸ™‚

Just as well, my French sucks as bad as all those people shoving me and chasing me with their evil trolley carts (I swear they resembled aggressive geese). I hope they are refused for whatever vacation they plan to go on, on ground of abusing their trolleys. Hah, that’d teach ’em! πŸ™‚