Heart to Post

Sunday Summary

(Week 43)

summary

“Common sense is not so common”
– Voltaire –

This is the last Sunday Summary before November and also the last one before I turn thirty. Let’s see what wisdom I managed to squeeze in before the big turn of age:

  1. The difference between arrogance and self-confidence

    It took me a while to figure this one out, but here’s what I think is the difference between knowing your skills and being arrogant. If you are self-confident you are aware of your talents and you trust your skills, as you know yourself. If you are the latter, you think your vision of the world is the only correct perspective and you put yourself above everyone else when it comes to importance.
    So, as long as you are open to the opinions of others, you have nothing to worry about (I am terrified I’ll become arrogant one day).

  2. If you only ever expect people to adjust to you, your world will remain incredibly small

    Imagine never changing for anyone, never trying to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, never thinking how the other party might feel. Never trying to understand where someone is coming from. Then your world cannot ever be big, if the only one in it is you. You simply can’t expect people to always adjust their behaviour to your likings. If you do, you live in a bubble. If you are the one doing the adjusting, your world grows bigger each time you do so as you will not only learn more about the other person, but also about yourself. Just don’t forget adjustment should work both ways and it’s never only up to you to do the changing.

  3. My adopted sister whom I met in Canada has been diagnosed with breast cancer (again)

    Do you know what it feels like to be hit in the face with a brick? Me either, but I suspect it feels a lot like hearing news like this. A woman I met on my Canada trip earlier this year, and whom I clicked with so much we decided to trade in a sister each to become each other’s sister, put this horrible news on her social media pages. I cried and am still very upset. Cancer sucks, period. Cancer should get cancer and die.
    My friendsister told me on the phone she is awaiting news on how bad exactly her situation is, so let’s all hope/pray/beg the Universe it’s as good as bad news can possibly be.
    Nobody deserves cancer, let alone more than once.

  4. What makes sense to you doesn’t necessarily make sense to someone else

    In this post I wrote about how I snapped at a friend. I thought my story made sense when I explained why I wasn’t feeling up for a meet-and-coffee at her house, but she replied with “?”, which sort of instigated my snapping at her even more. I realised afterwards that maybe my explanation made sense to me, but it probably didn’t to her. I know I think differently than most people, but sometimes I forget. Explaining myself maybe not my biggest talent, and I know if something sounds plausible to my ears others may find it incomprehensible gibberish.  People are different and we have different views of the world. The only thing we can do is try a little harder to understand each other better.

  5. Friendships change, because as you grow older friendship expectations don’t necessarily equal friendship realities

    Some friendships seem to be more work than others and I wondered why. I suppose people change over the years and sometimes the expectation of the friendship doesn’t grow along. For instance, imagine you met your friends in high school, but you’re all adults now. Maybe in high school you had a lot of common ground between you, but by growing up and making different decisions (work, partner, kids) life has changed and so has your common ground. Accepting things have changed will alter the friendship, but not accepting it will result in your mind staying frozen at seeing the friendship as it was in high school, even if the social dynamics of your friendship have changed. In other words: the way you perceive the friendship might not be how it actually IS. Some friendships become a lot of work because you are trying to keep something going that’s based on false expectations. You cannot stay the person you were when you met your friend(s): you keep growing. Therefore, your friendship has to grow along, too.

  6. Always trust your intuition

    “Should I double check the time to be at M‘s tomorrow for the high tea? Nah, I’m sure it was three p.m..”
    It wasn’t. M called me at half past one to ask where I was, because E had already arrived and we had said to meet at one p.m.. Imagine that, someone who hates late comers turns into one herself.
    Sad fun fact: M lives an hour away… In the end I was one and a half hours too late. Good job, me – NOT!
    Morale of this story: if your mind rings a bell, even if it’s a small one: always listen to it!

  7. I love my wisdom papers! They always know just what to say each week, as this one proves again: I don’t trust words that only serve to mislead fools

    Need I say more? I feel like I have grown more impatient around some people. Possibly all people. I have yet to find out whether it’s because of me, the other people, or both. But talk bullsh*t to me and I won’t even bother to listen. Go waste someone else’s time. And that’s exactly the growing feeling I get when yet another someone can’t be bothered to listen to my stories and yaps on about themselves instead… So, so tired about that.

I’m not going to make my 1,000 words limit this week either, but oh well. Blame it on my twenties’ irresponsibility or something :p Life will be better as from tomorrow, heh!

Let’s end this last summary of my twenty-nine year old self in style, shall we? With the Earworm Of The Week! Gooooood luck trying to get this one out of your head! If you can’t: go take a run. It’s a great song to do some jogging on 😉

Cheers!

What have you learned this week? Or do you have any tips to exit a horror escape room? 😉

Dictionary

To Revive (aka Maybe Chocolate Will Help Me Restore My Powers…)

[Verb; ~Pronunciation: /too/ /ri-vahyv/]

  • Definition: Making time for yourself in order to get your thoughts straight and focus back, rather than running around all day like a headless chicken, hoping to please everyone around you. I’ve been there, but I’ve also been passed that stage. So I am going to try and bring back my kick-ass self. I am going to revive the real me.
“When is a revival needed? When carelessness and unconcern keep the people asleep”
– Billy Sunday –

Today I snapped at a friend. Did she deserve it? I thought she did, so she probably didn’t.

The thing is, she likes to pretend she is the best at everything: the smartest, the funniest, the wisest, the prettiest, the everything-est. And I normally don’t care. Which has led to some frustrating situations in the past where she’d treat me as if I was a moron and I’d clench my teeth and let her, but only to avoid a fight.

There’s a few things you can do to get me seriously p*ssed of. One of them is deprive me from sleep or make me feel insignificant, another one is to treat me as if I am dumb. I get it, I am blonde. But seriously… cut the crap. I am not stupid, I have a Master’s Degree and very well know the difference between work days and weekends, thank you.

Back to the story of today. The friend I mentioned is throwing a party of some sorts this Sunday. When she started planning, I told her I’d be there.  But as it happens, my eldest sister is not only coming over for my early birthday dinner that day, which was the initial plan, but she’s coming sooner to drink tea (read: eat self-made cake) and catch up.
In other words: I won’t be able to attend the party after all. When I texted my friend about this plot twist, she responded as follows: “I already thought you were ambitious, expecting to come to the party and have a family dinner afterwards.” It felt very belittling, and I hate being belittled.

Add that to the list of things to upset me.

I could only think if she was so clairvoyant, why didn’t she tell me? Why let me run around, trying to cut myself in half, to please my sister, parents, and her? It seemed a bit unfair. Add to that a remark from her about possibly not making it to my birthday celebration on Monday, because, and this is a translated-yet-direct-quote: “I might have a job then and work is more important than your birthday”. So yes, I snapped.

My whole week so far hasn’t been that great. All week, I think I’ve had about two hours to myself. One to watch The Walking Dead (I was SO RIGHT on who’d die!), and one for American Horror Story. Even playing with my gerbils felt like a chore. Not because I don’t love them, but because I am exhausted from running around all day.

I texted my friend I wasn’t coming over tonight after all because I am tired, cranky due to lack of sleep, and very sad because of bad news I received yesterday, about another friend’s health. The party friend replied: “Good luck then ;)”.

I know my text was long and cranky, but I’ve had it. With today. With this week. With myself. I notice I am reverting to old behaviour: being snappy and irritable. Unappreciative of good things and careless of others’ feelings.

It’s all very well explainable, sure. But if I can’t understand myself, how can I expect someone else to? Plus, I know people are inconsiderate of my feelings, but if I turn into one of them surely I am no better.

The time has come to take a step back and observe my current situation. To take some rest, reload, and find the new old me (or is that the old new me? Not sure). Revive Samantha 2.0 and move forward again. I think I owe myself that much.

So did my friend deserve to get snapped at? I say yes, even if I know there’s always more to a story than you see at first. But I am human, too, and it’s time people start treating me like one.

I’d say the reviving has begun.

What about you? Have you ever snapped at someone? Or what did you do to make time for yourself?

And who did you think would die on TWD? 😉 Just bringing this up again as I was dead right (pun!) and that always feels good!

Also also: how do you like the “revived” version of Addicted To A Memory? I told you I’d abuse every single chance I’d get to use that song 😉

Yeah, definitely on my way back.

Dictionary

Wednesday Wisdom-Tile

wwt32
Appreciate what you have. You never know when it will be gone.

Dictionary

Insignificant (aka No Good Person Goes Unignored)

[Adjective; ~ Pronunciation: /in-sig-nif-i-kuh nt/]

  • Definition: Always finding yourself to be understanding of other people’s situations, always putting your own frustrations aside, only to find the people you were so compassionate about lack interest in you. You, your emotions, feelings and opinions do not seem to matter one bit, especially to those you have been so kind and lenient to.
“Whatever you do may seem insignificant to you, but it is most important that you do it”
– Mahatma Gandhi –

As I was walking home from the car workshop today (my car’s annual check-up was due) I asked myself how important I am to the people around me, and concluded it must be I am not important to them at all. I wondered, if I were to die right then and there, how many people would bother to show up at my funeral, let alone give a heart-crunching speech.

I don’t think I’d like to know the answer.

I am very sad at the moment. Not because my friend found a job; I am happy for her. Not because my new neighbours are making tons of noise redoing the entire house; I am happy they found a home and are turning it into something special. Not because my birthday doesn’t seem to be special for anyone else but me; I am used to that.

I am sad because people don’t ever think of me.

The friend who found a job? When I found one a little while ago I refrained from being too excited, as I didn’t want to hurt her feelings for being jobless.
She‘s been spamming my phone all evening with happy emoticons and updates I don’t want to read but reply to anyway because she’s my friend and I don’t want to be inconsiderate.
She’s starting her new job soon, but doesn’t know when exactly. There’s a high probability she’s not going to make it to my birthday party next Monday, for which I arranged an escape room. That I had to pay for up front. Money that won’t be returned in the case of last-minute cancellations…

Will she try and get the day off? Probably not, as she bluntly told me “a job is more important than your birthday.”
Would I have tried to get the day off if the situation had been reversed? With 100% certainty. I’d only cancel my friend’s big day if I really had no other choice.

My neighbours redoing their entire house? They promised me and my parents they wouldn’t work during early hours.
I woke up this morning around 7 a.m. because someone ran up and down their wooden stairs in what I can only assume are wooden shoes, for that’s how loud they sounded. Shortly after I heard two loud voices coming from their bathroom-to-be, which is only separated from my bedroom by a very thin wall.

I could hear every. single. word. Just as I grudgingly decided I’d get up at 7:38 a.m. as I was clearly not going to get any more sleep, the voices disappeared downstairs (in two sets of wooden shoes).

I snuggled back into my warm bed, but ten minutes later the voices returned, louder than before. Not only that, but an imbecile thought it would be a good idea to TAP THE WALL to indicate where “the sink is coming”.

I mean: REALLY!? If I can hear them, surely they can hear me.

Half an hour later (before the sun had risen), they started their construction work. Considerate? I think not.

But that’s it, you know. The majority of people thinks they are the most important individuals in the whole wide world. It seems that when you don’t belong to that group, the only thing you’ll end up getting is frustrated and ignored.

Because in their worlds, you don’t matter. You are insignificant.

And that is why I am sad. The only thing I wanted this morning was silence. The only thing I want right now is silence. I don’t want to hear about other people’s lives right now. About their new jobs or their fantastic bathrooms-to-be with sink-indications. I want peace and quiet.

So I am closing up my heart for today. No more compassion for tonight. No more consideration. Nothing more but the sound of silence.

I hope someone can understand that.

Heart to Post

Sunday Summary

(Week 42)

summary“Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten”
– B. F. Skinner –

What did you learn this week? I learned this:

  1. Things you don’t like about yourself need to be let go of

    In my latest Dictionary post I wrote about training myself into showing better behaviour, as I am frustrated with my own persona at times. It got quite a few comments that got me thinking: maybe I don’t necessarily need to train good behaviour, but learn to let go of focusing on my negative actions. Even by training myself to become a better person (or educating myself, as someone very wisely mentioned) I am still putting the focus on the negative. It’s time to let that part go and open the doors for the good stuff.

  2. All good things have bad sides and vice versa

    My three year old nephew J is suddenly way into me, as he lately proclaimed I am the most sweetest aunt Samantha in the whole country (I know I wrote this before, but it was so cute it deserves a second mention). It feels good to be looked up to, especially since I am not that good with kids, so it feels great to be someone’s favourite.
    My bliss ended shortly after we were out with the family and J said he wanted me to accompany him to the bathroom.
    Have I mentioned I’m not good with kids? Words such as “uncomfortable”, “uneducated”, “unfit” come to mind when I picture me and kids, so me taking J to the loo was not a very good idea in my opinion. (In the end my mum helped me out and then suddenly there were three people in one cubicle…).
    A bad thing with a good side, though, would be my everlasting single life. It feels so lonely at times, but at the same time I am grateful I get this much space to develop myself and grow in a way I’m not sure I’d be able to with a partner asking for my attention.

  3. You can’t always put yourself first if you want to be a good person

    I read a story in the newspaper about two guys witnessing a woman driving her bicycle, which held four young children, into the water (click here to see the type of special bike she was on). One of the heroes confessed he had a heart condition and felt his heart rate rapidly increase as he ran over to the accident site and jumped into the water without a second’s thought.
    He could have died, but instead he helped save the lives of four children (plus prevent a bigger trauma for the lady).
    They always say put yourself first, if you don’t take good care of yourself you cannot take care of someone else. That’s true. But if you want to do good to another person, sometimes you have to forget about you.

  4. I could be a success in everything I do online, but I lack the drive

    I’ve always wondered why I never got out of the corner of mediocrity when playing online games and even when blogging. I mean, there’s always people out there with better gear, stronger characters or more followers. I always ask myself what I do wrong, then the answer finally hit me: I don’t have the desire to be the best. I love my followers (I do!) and my heart skips a beat with every person that joins my blog, but I don’t feel the need to have as many as possible, just for that purpose.
    I love sustainability, and knowing I’ve (actively) been here for over two years and am not going anywhere makes me happier than the thought of getting to 1,000 followers as soon as possible. As for online games, I just don’t see the reason to invest real life money into a fake world. Call me cheap (call me Dutch – heh!), but a game is a game. Some things I simply cannot take too seriously, hence my reserved place in the corner of mediocrity. And I am fine here 🙂

  5. Don’t sit around and wait – spend time on you

    Me and a friend had been trying to call each other for days. It sounds so simple, but every time one of us phoned the other, it was either a bad time or they didn’t answer. When I finally got hold of her, she asked if she could call me back and I said: “Sure, but I’m going to take a shower now.” I thought about waiting for her call in case I’d miss it again, but then I realised this was crazy. You can’t live your life waiting for others. If it’s not a good time for a phone call, it’s not, but the right moment will come along eventually.
    Needless to say, after my shower I saw I had missed her call again. But today we finally got in touch, so all’s well that ends well.

  6. Doing something fun is like tasty food: if it’s good enough to have, it’s even better to share

    I was working on a project this week and the task at hand was so much fun, that when I got feedback from a friend and saw she had added her own ideas to my list of brilliancy, at first I got a bit grumpy. What I usually do in such situations is hide in defence and get mad, but this time I let it linger for a bit. I soon realised that if I like working on this task, she probably likes doing it, too! In the end, it’s not just MY project, it’s OURS. If you both like what you do it doubles the fun. So learn to share! Not just your food, but the good experiences, too.

  7. Let’s see how wise my paper is this week: Don’t search for big words if a small gesture suffices

    best_wishesThis is so true, I don’t really know what to add to this. Words, I love words, don’t we all? But sometimes one simple gesture can mean so much more than 1,000 words ever could.

You know, every week I think it’s going to be a challenge to find seven new points of wisdom, but it’s not. If you want to keep growing, just keep looking around you or search inside and you’ll be amazed at what you’ll find.

Before I wish you all a good week 42, here’s the Earworm Of The Week. I went to cabaret with my sister on Thursday, Herman In Een Bakje Geitenkwark (Herman In A Bowl Of Goat Yogurt-Like-Dairy). They do all kinds of amazing things with their voices, and one of the songs stuck to my brains like gum to a shoe.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t find that song on YouTube. However, it seems like this group of men took part in a TV show a few years ago. And as I am still a sucker for Britney, I say: enjoy!

Cheers! And have a good week 42 everyone!