[Adjective; ~Pronunciation: /in-fruh/ /dig/]
- Definition: Without being arrogant, realising something is beneath your dignity. This something could be, for instance, a friendship.
“True friends stab you in the front”
– Oscar Wilde –
Do you know the feeling when one of your friends suddenly acts all weird and you have no idea why? I do!
For a few weeks now, a friend of mine has changed for the worse (if you ask me). She’s started to only talk about herself, not being remotely interested in what is happening in other people’s lives. Or maybe it’s just my life, I am not sure.
I am still talking about the girl I snapped at on WhatsApp. More than ever do I now know she deserved it. Fully. And since this is a harsh thing to say and I am, very unlike me, going to spend this entire post ranting about why she doesn’t deserve to be my friend, this whole piece of writing is beneath my dignity. It’s infra dig.
After the snapping, I felt bad about it for the entire weekend. But knowing I’d see her on Monday for my birthday celebration (me, my mum and a group of friends escaped the “torture cellar” with less than two minutes left before our time was up – pun!), I thought I’d just apologise in person. Some things you simply don’t do via text messages.
What happened was this exact dialogue:
Me: “Oh, by the way, I am sorry about my text message. It might have sounded a bit rude, but I was completely down and out of it. Sorry.”
She: “Oh, that! Yea, you know, I read it and I thought *while laughing a bit*: okay, this is SO NOT INTERESTING I am not even going to go into it! Yes, you know. *shrugs* I’m just being honest.”
And blunt, let’s not forget that.
For those of you who didn’t read To Revive: I texted this “friend” last Thursday that I couldn’t come over for coffee, because I was feeling exhausted and cranky. I also confided in her I had just heard that one of my other friends got diagnosed with cancer and how this made me feel incredibly sad. All I wanted to do that day was curl up in a corner and cry.
Her reply text read: “Good luck, then ;)”
Now read her live reaction again. Getting my point?
I don’t understand why, of all people, someone I considered a friend thinks it’s okay to treat me like this?
This friendship has run its course. I don’t get how someone can be so arrogant: why do things always have to be about them? Why is it okay for them to spill their problems onto my shoulders and never pay me the same respect? Why are my emotions and endeavours “so not interesting”?
I don’t think I will ever know the answers to these questions. But I do know it’s not impossible to have a friendship that is completely, 100%, and utterly infra dig. I refuse to let myself be treated like this. By anyone.
Because if you remove “friend” from friendship, what you have left is “ship”. And this one is clearly sinking.