Approved (aka Going Back To School Is Exciting)

[Verb; ~ Pronunciation: /uh-proov d/]

  • Definition: Getting the green light to start a new chapter in your life. One that makes you happy even thinking about it. Finally, I feel as if I’ve found my way. At least for the next year!

approved“Happiness can exist only in acceptance”
– George Orwell –

Being accepted feels so much better than being rejected!

As you probably guessed: I got approved for a coaching course next year! 🙂

Yesterday I had an intake interview with the head coach of the course I want to start in January. I was a bit nervous, because I am so used to being told I am not good enough (or made to feel this way), and I also had to send in my CV. If there’s anything in this world I made I am not proud of, it’s my résumé. Just to get that straight.

But after arriving a little late (I hate being late – talk about making a good impression!), the head coach greeted me heartily at the door. And not only that: she remembered me from the information day!

In a good way!

We had a really nice chat and I even got a surprising compliment, as the head coach mentioned she thought my résumé was “very vibrant.” We talked a bit more about my past and things I would like to work on personally, as this course is not just to learn how to coach others; you have to understand and evolve yourself as well.

She then told me she thought I was well ahead of my peers when it comes to self-development. I don’t think she could have given me a bigger compliment at this point in my life. And I don’t think she was sucking up (another student is another bash of money coming her way): she was genuinely interested and kind.

All in all, apart from me being late (stupid red traffic lights), everything was peachy-good!

Now it’s waiting for the official documents, reading list and preparation homework, and then when January hits its 28th day, I will be a student again.

Somehow, I never imagined going back to school. Apart from my English course, which was mostly just fun, I never intended shoving my nose down study books again to absorb more (theoretical) knowledge. I promised myself I was done, after I graduated from college.

If this course had been only theories again, I’d probably given up before starting. But it’s mostly focused on putting your new coaching knowledge into practice, which sounds both scary and very exhilarating! Scary, because I am a theory person, and exhilarating because I’d like to change that.

2017 is going to be a year of extreme personal insights and growth, I can tell you that. I hope I can share a lot of what I’ll learn with you here.

Not everything is awesome about this, though, as joining this course means I’ll be living in the Netherlands for at least another year (get me out of here!!).
BUT! The certificate is valid in all of Europe, so after I graduate there’s no borders stopping me from coaching people in this part of the World! Muahaha! >:)

Now if you’ll excuse me, I am going to bask in my moment of glory for as long as it lasts (which is probably until I get my reading list). I don’t think I’ve ever felt more motivated in my life about anything!

You see what a little approval can do for your inner well-being? In that case:

I am Samantha and I approve of all of you reading this 😉

Take care this week!

When did you last get approved for something and how did that make you feel?
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Sunday Summary

(Week 50)

summary“I take all of my life lessons, which some people may call ‘mistakes’, and apply them to my future so that I keep growing”
– Kimberly Caldwell –

So many things to learn in life… So little time! Here’s another summary of newly gained knowledge:

  1. You cannot think for someone else, you can only assume

    My best friend is ignoring me and I have no idea why. I mean, I have all kinds of ideas, but I know those are probably not the truth. I can only assume why she’s behaving like this, and currently I worry myself sick because I think something’s going on in her life that’s so terrible, she can’t even talk about it with me. On the other hand, maybe she’s upset with me for something I don’t know I did and this is her way of punishing me.
    Whatever it is, It’s driving me crazy. I know I can’t think for someone else, I can only assume. And right now, I assume the worst.

  2. The proper way to poop

    *TRAUMA ALERT* Watch video with caution, as you can never un-see it again!

    I was chatting with a friend the other day and we ended up discussion unicorns (don’t ask – it started with me abusing the unicorn emoji. Hey, if it’s there, I might as well use it. A lot). After a hilarious chat about unicorns and unicorned beef (really don’t ask), he sent me a link to this video:

    Not only does it explain the correct way to poop, it also crushes every little bit of innocence you thought came with unicorns and ice cream… You were warned!

  3. Australians might be more down-to-earth than the Dutch

    The Dutch pride themselves for many things (in general), one of those being their down-to-earth-ness. As if we’re the most practical people on the planet and we don’t do bullsh*t. Well, after reading a little piece in the paper this week I am not so sure we’re the top ones in that field. Some Australian golfers found a snake eating a wallaby on one of the courses. They didn’t do anything, but stand back (and at least one of them took a picture), and comment: “Well, it happens sometimes. That’s nature. But don’t worry: those snakes don’t eat people: we’re all safe.”
    Maybe living in a country with so many deadly animals makes you adapt quickly and creates a very practical mindset.

  4. If there is any decision in life worth taking, it is the decision to do good

    I had him, you know. The guy who cast me aside for another girl – twice! I could have gotten my sweet, sweet revenge on him, but I didn’t in the end. Not because he didn’t deserve it (he did), but because he wasn’t worth the effort.
    There is already so much anger and evil in the world, it’s easy to choose to go down that path, too. Even for a little bit. But in the end, we only harm ourselves with that behaviour. If you must choose, choose to spend your energy wisely and do something good. For someone else, for yourself, just something good. It’s worth it so much more than focussing on hatred.
    Besides, don’t forget there’s karma working your revenge for you. Just saying 😉 Be good and do good and let karma take care of the rest.

  5. Don’t judge others because you would have acted differently if you’d been in their shoes

    Today I received a message from a friend. It was personal, so I won’t go into it because it’s nothing to do with me, apart from the fact that I realised something. That I probably would not have made the same decision she made, had I been in her decision. But this doesn’t mean my view on the matter is the only good one. I have no say in what she does or doesn’t do in her life (especially not if it doesn’t concern me). As my friend, I wish her the best and if she makes a decision I probably wouldn’t have myself, then I am right there to back her up. We were not put on this planet to judge one another, we’re here to help each other out.

  6. A good preparation is half the work

    Today there would have been a reunion of the Canada-trip folks. It was cancelled due to lack of interest, which I suspect has to do with the fact we only got the final plans and invite for it last Wednesday. Although the intentions were good, I can imagine a lot of people making other plans for today as we didn’t hear from the organiser at all before said Wednesday, not even after multiple inquiries from some Canada-goers. Me, I am down with the flu (thanks mum – she has this love-hate relationship with the flu and loves for me to bask in it as well, from time to time), so I’d have had to cancel anyway. But in the case of planning big events: make sure you are well prepared! And well in time, too.

  7. Paper wisdom! Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you anywhere

    I am sure this is an Einstein quote, and one of my favourites! Sometimes it is necessary to think outside the box in order to move forward in life. We need both, though, logic and imagination. Don’t choose one over the other permanently, but make wise decisions based on the situation you’re in.

That’s all the wisdom I can share with you this week! I hope you had a good Week 50 and your eyes didn’t burn out of their sockets from watching the squatty-potty video (with the unicorn).

Having said that, here’s Britney’s new nose to look at (she’s got to have had something done to it – she looks different yet the same… I swear something’s up with her nose. I could be wrong, though). My brains finally settled for one of her new songs to be repeated in my head, so I hereby happily present you with the Earworm Of The Week.


What have you learned this week?

Trauma (aka Can Lifelong Scars Eventually Heal?)

[Noun; ~ Pronunciation: /traw-muh/]

  • Definition: Fearing failure is nasty. It weighs heavy because I am a perfectionist, someone who doesn’t allow herself to make mistakes. I am this way because I’ve always felt I wasn’t good enough for anything and needed to show everyone I am. But am I? Will I ever be able to say I am because I believe it?
“All children have to be deceived if they are to grow up without a trauma”
– Kazuo Ishiguro –

Coming Monday, 3pm, I have an intake interview with the people of the life coach course. They will assess my character and mental state (I think) to judge whether or not I am able to join them.

Whether or not I am good enough.

My deepest trauma of all is the fear that I am not good enough. For anything. I don’t think it was the high school bullying alone, but also having to constantly prove myself to two older sisters and facing lots of people who treated me like I was a dumb blonde. Like I have no brains or something, just because I work(ed) in a store. Or because I chose NOT to retaliate.

Not having been able to find a proper job the past year didn’t really help, either. Especially not since the coaching people asked me to send in my résumé…

After twenty-seven years I was finally able to look into a mirror without flinching, without pointing out to myself all the things I don’t like about my own face and body. Even though that’s quite a victory, I’ve been unable still to turn a positive reaction to my reflection into an automatic action.

(Gotta love that sentence, despite its sad truth)

Lately I’ve been asking myself why some people treat me the way they do, or have treated me the way they did (like I am going to stick around for being insulted – no thanks!). Now I know why: buried deep down in my soul, thickly covered under years and years of therapy and self-reflection and building a positive self-image, lies the darkest trauma of my entire being: I am not good enough.

If I am not convinced I am, then why should others?

Can mental scars be so massive, so deep, so… strong they are not fixable? Am I, the person who wants to fix everyone, unable to fix myself? Is my trauma irrevocable?

I thought I was over this, but why am I so scared they won’t accept me as a coach-in-training? Why can’t I just joke about it and say: “Oh well, if they don’t accept me then at least I’ll have money to go to Finland, haha!”

Because I want this more. Because, secretly, I know I am worth this! Because I can do this!

My scars might not have healed yet, but I am only thirty. If it took me twenty-seven years to stop fearing mirrors, maybe by the time I’m sixty I’ll stop fearing intakes and interviews and realise my own worth.

Or maybe I’ll realise it Monday, 3pm.

And if not, at least I’ll have money left to go to Finland.

Yea, I am slowly getting there, alright. To healing my trauma.

Or Finland.

Or both.

How did you heal your scars?
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Wednesday Wisdom-Tile



Solution (aka When You Find Yourself In A Pickle And You See No Way Out: Eat The Pickle)

[Noun; ~Pronunciation: /suh-loo-shuh n/]

  • Definition: Stop thinking in terms of problems and start looking around for answers. When you find yourself in a bit of a mess or a predicament, know there is always, always, a way out somehow. And if you don’t see one, ask around for help. There’s no shame in that.
solution“Every problem has in it the seeds of its own solution. If you don’t have any problems, you don’t get any seeds”

– Norman Vincent Peale –

Money. Somehow it never was an issue and somehow it always is.

I’ve never been rich, but I’ve never had money problems: if I wanted something I’d find a crappy job and save up until I could buy it (usually this was a holiday of some sorts as the “I am going to find a job and walk the path of millions of others because that’s what a good girl should do”-phase would wear off and my fingers would start to itch again).

This time it’s different. I am making a huge investment. Not because I want to get filthy rich (although if I end up making money because of this, that’d be very nice), but because I am stuck and want to move forward.

Here is the deal: I want to become a life coach. The course starts in January and if they have a spot left I am obliged to pay up the whole intuition in one go, otherwise it’ll cost me €300 extra on administration fees to break the payment in three. €300 is a lot of money for me so I’ve decided not to make use of this payment option.

But that means I am broke. Officially out of savings.

I know in my heart of hearts this is what I want and everything that’s worth having is worth handling the trouble for. But coming from a money-wise family it hurts nonetheless (we are no skinflints, but my parents raised me and my sisters to understand the value of money and to always save up, keep some for worse timings if they come).

My mind keeps going around and around in circles: December is such an expensive month, and that’s even without the presents (we don’t really do Christmas in our family the way most of you might). There’s doctor’s bills, my car insurance was due, together with its annual check-up and on-the-road help service.

Everything was piled up already and then the intuition for my course is suddenly not being slashed in three, as I had expected it would.

For a moment (or actually, a few weeks) I’ve been doing nothing but focus on my problems, asking myself all kinds of “What Ifs“, even though I know very well those are useless.

But then my parents came to the rescue. No, they are not giving me the money, they are simply handing me a temporary solution so I don’t have to drown in this madness that’s called Total Financial Sh*t.

My parents reminded me to focus on solutions rather than problems. No matter the origin of the issue (financial, social, personal), there’s a solution. I am not saying it’s going to be a life saving or life changing one, but it can surely keep you going for a while longer.

Am I still broke? Heck yea, but it feels so much better now that I know there’s a solution to that 🙂

What were problems you worried about? And how did you solve them?