Status Update

Jurassic Heart, aka The Lost Cramp

Seriously, Jurassic Park 2 (The Lost World) will go down in my personal history as the film I was watching when I got heart cramps. Is that even possible, “heart cramps”? I don’t know what happened, but it felt like eating something that goes down the wrong way: I inhaled, something went wrong and next thing I knew my chest started to cramp up! The entire area around my heart jumped straight into agony as the velociraptors were jumping to attack Dr. Malcolm and his family (and each other).

Maybe it had something to do with my mother watching Eragon earlier that evening, and the title hero ripping some bad guy’s heart out… Hmm…

Anyway, the cramps are not new as I’ve had them since I was a kid. Not regularly, but every once in a long while they’d happen. Just a matter of staying calm and focus on my breathing and they’d go away.

My mother told me repeatedly that when I was born I had my left hand clenched to my chest so tightly it had left me black and blue. Maybe this means my body is extra sensitive there? Could that be it?

Whatever it is, it was never as bad as yesterday, when even exhaling was excruciating! And when I thought it had gotten better and I prepared myself for bed, the cramps returned (which just goes to show how stupid I can be, thinking it’d be okay to lie down on the side of my body that was only in complete agony minutes before – that’s basically just asking for it to happen again).

For a split second I thought I might not wake up today, but thankfully I did (I never really doubted that fact, but still… lots of pain). I am fine now, so no worries. I’m still a little sensitive around my left side’s chest area, but breathing is no longer painful and I have no other complaints, so I am good.

Maybe it was just my body telling me The Lost World is not as good as its predecessor. Which I can only agree to.


Have you ever had “heart cramps”? Or any other type of physical discomfort that keeps popping up? If so, what do you do when that happens?
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Earworm Of The Week

Were the best, most epic movies all made in the 80’s or what? This song just won’t leave my head after having watched the iconic film yesterday.

Enjoy your week, everyone!

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (4)

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“You are an instrument of peace and will sow love where hatred reigns”
– Random Paper Wisdom –

Dear Life,

It’s me again and I need your help. Every time I think I have found my way, I get lost so quickly I end up feeling alone and confused. Please show me what to do, where to go.

Yesterday my course to become a life coach started off and I woke up with a terrible pit in my stomach. Not because I was about to start something I’ve been looking forward to for a while, but because it was one of “those days” again, on which I feel small and little and terribly insecure for no good reason. A feeling that was magnified by me starting something new, meeting new people in a new environment. If my anxieties were high already, these extras made them break through the roof!

Just when I think I’ve got myself under control, I lose the reins of my focus and with that lose myself. I spent half a morning being upset because my memory wasn’t working properly and I failed to come up with some pretty big aspects of someone’s life (instead of introducing ourselves, we had to interview the person next to us and then introduce them). Quickly after, my ego was hit by a huge blow after I messed up a trial coaching session by completely blanking out.

I thought I had grown from a feeble mess into a strong woman, but that woman was nowhere near to be found yesterday. I had honestly (maybe naively) thought that I was there already, safe and sound, knowing my self-worth. But theory and practice are two different things. Or maybe we just need days like these to understand we have not arrived at the finish line just yet.

One thing I have come to learn about myself is that my perfectionism does not only allow for my fear of failure to take over when I am in distress, it also ensures me that whatever mistake I make, whatever feedback I’m given, I go into adjustment mode immediately.

And even though a part of me is terrified my insecure behaviour set the mode for the rest of this course, I am adamant to show I am more than that little girl who sometimes pops up and takes over. She’s had her fun, now it’s time for the new me to come out and show what I can do! The me I’ve been working on for so long, the me who deserves to be in charge.

I hope this set-back was a one-time happening and that I’ll remember my strength next time I step into the classroom. As I was just starting to like the person I was becoming, I’d hate for it all to disappear because my old anxieties take over. I thought that battle was done.

I hereby decide that that battle is done! And if next time I feel insecure again, I’ll just remember I am an instrument of peace and love reigns over hatred. And fears.

X,
Samantha


When was the last time you felt lost? How did you cope?
Dictionary

Guest Post: “Mirror Image (aka Can You Look Yourself In The Eye?)” in Samantha Spijkers’ exact words

Happiness Between Tails by da-AL

Looking for a dose of good cheer? Samantha Spijkers’ blog, DictionaryDutch, always does the trick for me! Here she explains how she overcame negative thinking…

Mirror image photo of author How others see you is only 50% of your reflection, the other 50% is up to you.

For years I struggled with a negative self-image: did I have to be so ugly and stupid and worthless? And why were there so many mirrors in my house? Like I needed to see my own face staring back at me after every corner I turned…

But our minds are stupid. That is to say: they’ll believe anything we tell them as long as we repeat and repeat and repeat the message.

So after trying to live a mirror-less life (it had gotten to a point where I’d not switch on the lights so as not to see my reflection in the bathroom mirror and passing every other…

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Wednesday Wisdom-Tile

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Compliments shouldn’t go to your head, but to your heart. Have a good Wednesday!