Heart to Post

Wednesday Wisdom-Tile

Ain’t that the truth!

I am still in a bit of a funk, trying to figure out a good balance between “real life” and blogging. Unfortunately, this means I’ve not had the time yet to visit everyone’s blogs the way I used to and the way I want to, but I am working on that 🙂

In the mean time, have a great Wednesday, everyone!

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (17)

“You limit your words, keep hold of your thoughts and never let the body be violent. You are ready to walk the path of wisdom”
– Random Paper Wisdom –

Dear Life,

It’s been a crazy couple of days. After saying goodbye to C (read about it in this post) I got myself prepared to take the blow that comes with grief, but nothing happened. If anything, I do not feel sad she’s gone. I feel relieved she doesn’t have to suffer any more. I feel gratitude that her unfair battle is over and pride, immense pride, that I got to know her!

I’ve been living off this weird kind of high; the sense that all’s well after all. That you take care of each of us in the best way possible, Life. That without suffering happiness wouldn’t exist. And that even though I only knew C briefly, she did get me to appreciate the smaller things you offer more; for example when I was on my bicycle, riding home yesterday.

Although the weather’s been brutally hot and damp the past weeks, yesterday was a change-over with drizzling rain and a chill wind. I even had to take a cardigan with me for class as I anticipated our classroom to be air-conditioned (it was) and thus cold (it was). I also had to bring a summer jacket, which seemed like a crazy idea when I put it on in the morning, but turned out to be a brilliant idea as I stepped on my bike.

The thing is: it was a good day. A long, exciting and informative day. And as my class had ended and I was riding home, I felt the soft breeze cooling me down and the spritz of raindrops wetting my face. I saw some beautiful yellow roses on the sides of the road and I thought of my friend, of how C kept telling us to enjoy and love you, Life.

And at that moment, I did so with all my heart.

I don’t know what happened exactly, but something’s changed inside me. You do that to me every so often, so it’s nothing new. But at the same time it is. I feel quieter in my head, less restless in my body. Even if things don’t go well, I don’t sit around and pout for as long as I used to. Instead, I laugh at myself and the situation, get back up and try again.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt this unconcerned in my life, Life, and I don’t know how we did it. But we did.

Open your mind, open your heart and the World as you’ve always known it shall change.

I’ve limited my words, I’ve grasped hold of my thoughts and (even though I am thinking of joining a self-defence course in October) my body is not violent. I think I am ready to walk the path of wisdom.

Provided it comes with an occasional spritz of cool rain 😉

X,
Samantha

Dictionary

Adversity (aka If At First You Don’t Succeed…)

“We don’t develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity”
– Barbara De Angelis –

A few weeks ago my white little fuzzball (also known as Jamie the gerbil) was making strange movements in his cage. As any caring pet owner would do, I plucked him out of his unnatural habitat and checked him for physical discomfort, and boy were we in for a treat!

Turned out my little furry clutz had managed to sprain his left front paw! I still don’t know how he did it, but he did it.

So, as any caring pet owner would do, I took him to the vet. She was the one who verified my darling’s paw problems and gave me pain killers to soothe him.

All throughout this week, and a bit from the week before, I faced an adversity of my own. For my course I have to coach at least two “strangers” in order to work up some experience outside of class. I recruited people at the start of May (I just like to get my homework done early, alright?) and had found two women willing (and quite excited) to start this coaching trial with me. They were okay with it not happening until the end of June at the very least, due to requirements I had yet to meet.

Last week I thought it best to start contacting my coachees again in order to schedule an intake, after which we could start with our coaching sessions.

That’s right, I got the clearance! I got all my required homework done in time and passed my first exam, so I am good to go!

But that’s about how far my luck went, because quickly I got my two replies: one of my coachees had just finished some coaching and, on second thought, didn’t think it would be a good idea to start with another series. And the second one was still excited, but confessed she’d been offered coaching by her employer as she is about to lose her job. I asked her if she didn’t think it would be too much to also start this trial with me (I kind-of-sort-of had a hunch – better to lose a coachee before you start the sessions than during) and after a few days she confessed she thought it was.

My adversity is thus losing my two trial coachees, just as I was given the goes on working with them.

However, I do have to give credits for the second one, because she knew someone who might be interested instead. So fingers crossed.

The only thing I can do now is go back to square one (I’ve been here so many times in so many different situations, maybe I should just build a house here and never leave again – but that’d be boring!). There’s nothing left but to search for new interested people, hoping it won’t take me too long to find two people willing to let me coach them. For free.

You’d think people would be falling over each other to get some free coaching, but unfortunately that’s not the case.

When Jamie hurt his paw he kept on going (with a little help from his brother Loki – it was so cute to see Loki bring food to Jamie, keep their nest in shape and come running whenever someone opened their cage. Just to check for intruders who might hurt his friend. We all need a friend like that). Even if he was in pain, or high on gerbil pain killers, he kept going. He never gave up. Cleaning himself with just one paw must have been excruciating, but Jamie did it. Having your food continuously drop from your grasp because you can’t use both of your paws to hold it up must have been frustrating, but Jamie did it.

Jamie overcame his adversity in the most natural way possible: because he had no choice. And just like him, I will overcome mine. Because I have no choice.


What adversity have you overcome recently?

PS: Still, though, if you know someone in the Netherlands (or are someone in the Netherlands) who could use some free coaching (did I say it was free? As in, totally, 100% without costs? F-R-E-E? Just making sure you got that ;)), please let me know! Comment, email me, find me on facebook, stalk me, do whatever you need to do, because so will I 🙂
Letters to Life

Letters to Death (2)

“I will not seek perfection in the future, but happiness in each present”
– Random Paper Wisdom –

Dear Death,

How come, no matter how much expected your visit is, you always manage to take me by surprise?

Yesterday, I attended the cremation ceremony of my adopted/illegal sister and dear friend C., who’d been engaged in her final battle with cancer since Fall last year. Last Monday she passed away, and even if I knew that moment was approaching, and even if my heart was getting itself ready to take in this final blow, you still managed to sneak your way around everyone’s backs, Death, and leave us gasping for air, wondering what happened!?

My feelings about this passing are mixed: I am happy for C. she’s no longer in pain, fighting an unequal fight. But I am also sad because she was one of those people who are so amazing it’s impossible to ever forget them. And they are rare.

A part of me was confused as well. I have only known C. for a little over a year, as we met during a trip to Canada. But instantly I had felt a connection between us, even as we introduced each other at the airport, waiting to board our plane. It was something I couldn’t describe; we simply clicked.

I have problems trusting people and this makes it difficult for me to let people into my lives, to embrace them and open up to them. So what happened here?

As I was getting ready for Canada, I remember having been hurt by someone who I’d given a second chance in gaining my trust and friendship. Something I’d never done before (I don’t do second chances) and something I’ll probably never do again. As it happens, this incident was the main reason for me to heighten the figurative walls around me and thicken them with an extra layer (or two… or ten!) of plaster. And in the mean time I had removed all windows, too. Just to be on the safe side: wouldn’t want somebody sneaking in through one of those!

As I finished up my work I took a step back to inspect it, and that’s when I found C. standing right behind me. With some sort of silent Houdini-like act she had gotten into my sealed off tower and the craziest thing happened: it didn’t scare me one bit. C. was a force of nature who had let herself into my life and was planning to stay, and instead of being upset I offered her a seat and a place in my heart for all eternity.

Yesterday, during her final goodbye, a lot of people got to say a few words about C., about how amazing she was, what kind of a person she had been and all the ways in which she had touched people’s hearts.

Until then I’d never understood why we’d clicked, but yesterday I realised C. and I were two of a kind: born into different lives, but rationally and emotionally on the same level. Spiritually linked.

This makes me miss her more, but at the same time I cannot stop feeling proud. And feeling so incredibly grateful for having met her. For having been part of her life, even if it was only for a little while.

And for having her in mine. I am thankful for her to not even think twice about how to break down those walls, but to simply ignore them. That’s the greatest gift anyone could have given me and I am glad it came from her.

C., thank you for being who you were. You will be extremely missed.

Forever your illegal sister,

X,

Samantha


PS: C.‘s life motto was: Love Life. Live in each moment and appreciate what you have. Now take a second look at my Paper Wisdom at the top of this post. Coincidence? 😉
Heart to Post

Earworm Of The Week

A little while ago I seriously woke up in the middle of the night with this song in my head! D:

I didn’t mind too much, though. But since I’ve used it as an Earworm already I thought it best to share this great classical cover with you.

Have a good week everyone 🙂