“He who wants to judge the present, must possess a sufficient past” – Random Paper Wisdom
You really know how to keep throwing meaningful lessons at me, Life. Like this week, when you taught me why I dread visiting my Monday client.
I am always anxious to go there, because her mood determines her behaviour. Strongly.
When she is in a good mood, I can’t to do anything wrong and the praise keeps coming, like a beautiful waterfall flowing into a clear river.
But when her mood is bad, everything I do is wrong wrong WRONG and the waterfall consists of nothing but scolding and belittling remarks, polluting that same river.
Standing up for myself is futile: when she is like this, she’s very unreasonable and me trying to rationalise my actions or explain I didn’t do whatever she accused me of only makes her more angry.
So I take it all as if I am an emotionless rock, both her positive and negative expostulations, but she actually gets to me. I feel more and more reluctant to go there, never knowing what state I’ll find her in. Or what I can do to make her happy, being the people-pleaser that I am.
And that’s when you momentarily lifted your curtain of mysteries for me, Life. You showed I cannot ever please her! My emotional antennae to catch her vibe don’t work, so I can’t figure her out. I can’t read her like I do other people!
I have been so focused on pleasing her I got swallowed up in that process, while instead I should have been focussing on pleasing myself by doing my job with flair, like I always do. Have fun while cleaning, letting her remarks enter one ear and exit through the other.
Shift the attention from her mood swings to doing my job. And in doing so, refocus on pleasing myself.