“I control my anger and with that, conquer my most cruel enemy” – Random Paper Wisdom
I’ve recently decided I want to focus on feeling. As I’ve spent the whole of last week feeling angry, I am not sure how well this is going, Life…
You see, my mother was feeling under the weather. Nothing too serious: just a little cold.
Whenever my mother feels ill but isn’t sick enough to lie down, a few things happen.
First, she starts to overcompensate her household chores. Last week she basically redid the whole upstairs. Twice.
Second, she feels the incomprehensible need to show off she’s not feeling sick at all! Think fair amounts of time on the home-trainer as well as doing work-out videos in the (elaborately cleaned) living room.
Finally, because her body is already in distress from feeling not particularly anything near healthy, the extra physical work my mother does also makes her mind falter. Result: a cranky, grumpy and sometimes literally growling individual.
Basically, if my mother feels bad, she makes sure we ALL feel bad by turning into a downright bully.
One that conveniently knows all my weak spots and keeps pressing them.
If ever I believed to be incapable of feeling, surely this week you proved me wrong, Life. I felt angry and frustrated as nothing I said or did calmed my mother’s nerves.
I eventually realised it’s not up to me to make her feel better for I cannot listen to what her body is saying. Only she can.
Instead, I focused on my own energy, telling myself it is okay to feel angry. And that no matter how I act or feel, I love myself unconditionally ❤
I woke up today and my anger had melted away.
For all of last week, I thought my mother was my most cruel enemy. Instead, it were my own feelings getting in my way.