“Nothing ever remains as it was, nothing exists to stay the same” – Random Paper Wisdom
Sometimes I feel like giving up. Quit everything and accept I have failed at you.
The moments I feel like this are the moments in which I stumble upon someone else’s success.
Like two weeks ago. I had just spent the day with my eldest sister feeding rescued donkeys at a Scottish sanctuary. Even if one of them bit my sister (seriously, who does that ever happen to!?) and another sneezed all over her, we had a great time.
Afterwards, I was on our Air BnB’s sofa, all warm and cozy, waiting for my sister to finish up in the bathroom. To kill time I was gazing at Facebook updates when something caught my eye.
An old classmate had changed her last name. I clicked on her photo and immediately wished I hadn’t: she just got married.
Somehow someone I used to know taking such a big step confronted me with how little progress I feel I’ve made in you, Life. A familiar panicky feeling of standing still while the rest of the World moves on grabbed me by the throat and wouldn’t let go until the next morning.
Find a job and partner, buy a house and start a family. Even if these are not the steps I envision for my own future, Life, being confronted with others who do scares me.
What if this is what I should be aiming for?
I shouldn’t. That’s not me at all and you know that path would make me miserable beyond imagination.
You have different plans for me, Life, and even if sometimes I feel like quitting, you always know how to make me change my mind and be grateful I am here instead.
Nothing lasts forever. Feelings of happiness and moments of anxiety will always come in waves. And that’s what makes you, Life, worthwhile.