CURRENTLY WORKING ON: Goal 1 – Feel Better
Step 2 – Be Realistic
As I pick up the phone my heart picks up its pace. I really don’t want to do this. Every fibre in my being is telling me to hang up while I still can, retreat NOW.
Well, every fibre but one: my common sense.
I know it takes more than a few people implying I am going crazy to actually go crazy, yet I can’t help but fear today’s attempted visit to the doctor’s office will result in just another let-down. Toss it onto the pile of disappointment: you will never feel better, we won’t help you.
Why was I doing this again? Why did I get my hopes up despite knowing better?
Oof, no time to answer that as the fake chirpy voice of the doctor’s assistant pulls me back into reality (I know it’s fake chirpy because last time I called she refused me an appointment and we got caught in an argument – remember?).
So last blog post I felt better and made a new blogging schedule. Then I started feeling worse and failed to follow that schedule. What else is new?
I’ll tell you what is: I relented. I promised myself no more doctor visits yet there I was, with my phone representing my last resort as I pressed the call-button, hoping nobody would be in, while at the same time crossing my fingers for the opposite.
“Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance”– Ping Fu
Here is the joke: even if everyone is telling you that you are imagining things, that you need to stop acting as if you’ve got the lead in a drama: listen to yourself.
If things do not feel okay, you have every right to find out what’s causing your issues, no matter who’s screaming louder than you that you’re feigning it.
And if you’re like me: relentless, maybe a little too headstrong for your own good, it’s the same voice you need to listen to. If in reality you’re fighting a battle you can’t possibly win without some help: get help. There’s no need to keep your guard up so high: it’s you who’s talking to you. Listening alone won’t harm you.
I spent weeks being exhausted, dizzy (to the extent of not being able to stand or walk), light-headed and in the company of constant headaches. Not to mention my practically sub-zero blood pressure.
I imagined it was my iron running low (it’s happened before) and that I’d be able to fix it myself with extra supplements.
I was wrong.
Unwilling to be realistic about this, I kept struggling for a few weeks more until I had to face the truth: I need help to get through this.
Tomorrow I’m going to have some blood taken. In the end, my doctor decided not only to check for low iron, but for a hormone marker as well.
Which just goes to show: if I had denied myself this doctor visit, I’d never have gotten any wiser as to what’s really bothering me.
Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you have to do everything yourself. Stay realistic about your situation and ask for help if you need it.
Are you stubborn, too, or do you easily ask for help? Let me know in the comments! ↓↓↓