From now on, I’m going to post once a week (I’ve got WordPress added to my action list!). About my life, because that’s how this blog started: as a diary. By going back to the basics, I’m hoping to learn more about myself – and the world I live in.
The good this week was found at the hospital. Bit of an uncanny place to find good fortune, you’d think, and maybe it wasn’t all good, but at least it wasn’t all as bad as we thought.
My mother had an appointment with a nurse practitioner to go over her new medicine: what to expect and not to expect, that sort of thing.
Prior tot his appointment, my mother had received a list of the medicine she’d receive, and had gone berserk over the possible side-effects.
What didn’t help was that someone had allegedly told her one of the meds was “like a horse tranquillizer”.
Much like a horse my mother galloped into misery and made my (and my father’s) life quite unbearable too, for several days.
Anyway, the nurse practitioner kindly told my mother that her new medicine might make her nauseous, and, if that’s the case, she can use the second medicine to suppress that.
The good lay in her direct (yet translated) words: “We give these nausea suppressors to everyone with your type of leukaemia, just in case. But, honestly, if you need them, you’re the exception.”
Relief was dressed in a white doctor’s coat that day.
Life is neither good or evil, but only a place for good and evil
• Marcus Aurelius •
The bad has a habit of showing up unexpected. You can wait for it and it’ll never show its face, but the moment you turn your head because you’re distracted for a second, it overwhelms you from behind.
Despite the relief regarding the side-effects of my mum’s medicine, I couldn’t sleep that night.
All my anguish came pouring out, as if I were a volcano erupting.
You see, what I didn’t want to admit to myself (read: anyone) is that I am lonely. And tired. And scared.
It’s as if I always have to be strong for someone else. And everyone in my surroundings to whom I turn for comfort, turns me away to cry on their partners’ shoulders.
I felt a strange yet familiar feeling creep over me as I lay in bed.
I’ve always said I’d do it again if I had to, taking care of my mom, and I mean it still. I just never imagined having to, and that thought scared me.
Suddenly I felt very afraid mum would be that exception the nurse practitioner talked about…
It took half an hour of meditation, one melatonin and one regular sleeping pill before I finally dozed off.
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
• Maya Angelou •
Have I ever told you about the cherry pie incident?
I’m sorry, I mean the Cherry Pie Incident?
Well, in a nutshell: my eldest sister (of all people!) tried to poison me once by dropping a plate with cherry pie in front of my face.
I have hated cherries all my life, disgusting little things they are! Sis is seven years my senior, she knows this. But she pretended she didn’t…
To… prove a point I still don’t get? Probably. Like I said: I don’t get it.
Anyway, that incident, sorry: Incident unleashed an ugliness in myself (REVENGE! – Hey, I’m a Scorpio, it’s what we do! 😉). But, for the sake of our family, I try my hardest to stay polite.
That same sister invited me to a high tea yesterday, in a town not too far from mine. In fact, my town was on her route.
On. Her. Route.
ON!! Her route!
The “I could stand on a corner in one street and literally see her pass by” kind of on her route.
You know, I’m just making sure you get my point here:
I. WAS. ONNNNN. HER. ROUTE!
She told me, after I waited for HOURS for a reply to my text “what time do you want to meet up?” that she assumed we’d meet there. Because:
“Otherwise I kind of have to make quite a detour to pick you up.”
Do I have to write in details how this made me feel? Or with what emotions I stepped into my car to make sure I’d arrive late?
I’m never late. I was yesterday. Deliberately.
To prove a point I’m sure she didn’t get.
I’ve decided it’s been enough. People who bring out the worst in you are not good companions, even if they’re family.
I want to be like those three monkeys instead: see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil.
So I’m going to deal with the Bad, avoid the Ugly and focus on the Good this week 😊
How was your week?