I had an amazing birthday, just what I wanted. Solitude, quiet, mooing cows, cold yet sunny weather followed by a thunderstorm – loved every second of it! Happy 35th here I am! Or not…?
For me, a spiritual and existential crisis is the same thing in that your foundation gets rocked
• Juliette Lewis •
Two weeks ago I turned 35.
One week and six days ago I slipped into an existential crisis.
Which didn’t surprise me at first, because usually I have one every month. But this one has stuck with me well into the first few weeks of my 35 years of existence.
What happened, you ask?
The answer to that is a disappointing: nothing. Nothing happened!
In 35 years little to nothing happened.
Here I’ve been, waiting for life to knock on my door and take me out, and I’m still stuck inside.
So, some things have to change. And I know I am the only one who can do that.
For starters, here’s a list of Samantha To-Do’s and To-Don’t, just to set the record straight.
I mean, it’s nice how I keep adjusting myself to how others perceive me, but I now understand that how you perceive me is not my problem. And the part where a lot of people make it my problem is going to change.
Right now 🙂
So I’m going to throw a few things your way to take into account about my personal being.
Please note: I am not angry or upset at you, I am just a little disappointed in my life as is right now. And to make changes, I have to start somewhere.
Look at my picture ↑
Yes, that’s right: that’s me. Don’t believe it? Look at it again. Go ahead, this isn’t part of the “To Don’t’s” yet!
Here’s what is part of my Please Don’t’s:
- DO NOT ASSUME I AM STUPID
Yes, I am blonde. Yes, I have blue eyes. And yes, even if you cannot see it in this picture, I have curves. Very pretty curves, if I may say so myself. None of those facts make me stupid. In fact, my With Distinction Master degree from university, my impeccable talent for writing harsh yet getting-things-done-ASAP letters of complaint and almost infallible memory (especially trained in remembering seemingly useless facts that WILL help greatly during any pub quiz) make me SMART. Probably smarter than you, if you think that my looks define my brains.
- DO NOT TRY TO CONVERT ME
I do not believe in God. Any God. Nor will I ever. So please please please stop posting comments to try and convert me to any kind of religion (it happens on a regular basis – my SPAM filters them out). I am not interested, nor do I feel that reading the Bible or talking to God about my problems will help set me free. Leave me alone.
Please do not get me wrong: I have many friends on and off WordPress who are religious. I love them for it. I respect their faith, enjoy their blogs and like them as persons. It’s possible to not share in such a major thing and still get along. Because we respect each other, regardless of who or what we believe in.
I would never tell someone else how to live their lives, so please refrain from doing that to me.
- DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE ME
I know I look adorable, innocent and possibly a bit goofy. I know I try to act kind to everyone and adjust myself to situations and people faster than my youngest niece can finish her bottle of milk (and she’s fast!). I know in my family, people tend to treat me like a fool, but really: I am not (see the first point up there).
Just because I am stuck in my life right now, doesn’t mean I’ll never get out. I am working on that. And just because I chose not to follow the same path as many people around me, doesn’t mean I am a loser. I am not. I am a fighter.
And if you ever try to bring me down (again – in some cases this is an “again”), you’ll find out how good a fighter I have become in the last 35 years.
- CONNECT WITH ME
I am easy to talk to, I promise! Even if I will never win a gold medal for keeping in touch, I will never NOT respond (as long as you don’t try to convert me or chat me up, that is. I will most definitely ignore you if you attempt either of that).
Sometimes I can get a bit lonely, during this pandemic even more so, and it’s always nice to meet new people. So: please do comment and connect with me.
- HELP ME GROW
My goodness am I stuck! Even if I am not really asking for advice on how to live my life, I do like to hear how other people go about living theirs. You know, for inspiration. How did you find a decent job? How did you find the love of your life? How are you climbing yourself out of that well you might have been stuck in for a while? The HOW is very important to me, because me being stuck is based on a lack of knowing HOW to move forward. Inspire me with your stories, your decisions, your life, and I’ll share with you mine.
- BELIEVE IN ME
I know I struggle with believing in myself sometimes, but it helps when other people do that for me. To get me back on track. I feel I am a “don’t judge a book by its cover”-kind of person, and it would help me a great deal if you’d not just pass me over because you don’t like how the story doesn’t seem to fit the cover it comes in.
I can be anyone’s greatest cheerleader, but for myself I sometimes lack the faith. If you could boost me every once in a while, you’ll find it worth your time and investment as I’ll give it back double – at least!
That’s basically what my 35th life year brought me in terms of wanting: I want people to stop treating me like someone who’s dumb and easy to shape into something they feel I should be.
And I want to surround myself with more and more people like myself: respectful, kind, curious and welcoming.
If I manage to pull that off, I think my 36th will come without an existential crisis and with a lot more love, laughter and warmth.
Thanks for reading 🙂 Be sure to leave a comment (without trying to convert or date me) below