“Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken” – Oscar Wilde
That is possibly my favourite quote of my favourite author, ever. What Oscar Wilde did with words was pure magic and to me he himself is the sole image of wit.
For a long time, I wanted to be Oscar. Well, not be him, but be like him: a fantastic writer, whether it’s plays or stories. Someone who has the power to mesmerise others with the use of words well chosen.
Before that, I wanted to be like Britney Spears: someone making awesome music, performing everywhere around the globe. A teenage example of a seemingly perfectly lived life. Of fame, fortune and admiration.
Of course we all know what happened to her. And honestly, I can’t sing a single tune, so that was a dream waiting to fall apart since day one.
Before that, all I really wanted was to be like everyone else. Because I felt I wasn’t. Because I never really fit in. Because even as a young child, I was different. The odd one out. So fitting in with someone, anyone, seemed like the best goal in life for me.
At this rate it’s going to sound as if I am not very good at setting goals since I failed all three of these.
I am not like everyone else. I have two older sisters and even if we look alike, we’re different in so, so many ways it’s almost unbelievable we’re blood-related.
Even as a young girl I’d feel the desire to be just like them and even then I felt I wasn’t. It’s the little things, such as when we all received Advent Calenders, you know, the ones with chocolates in them? My sisters would both get one with the same image and I’d get a different one.
I am sure my mother meant well, but all I felt was desperation: “here’s another proof you do not fit in – you will never be like them.”
At school it was the same thing: I’d have a handful of friends, mostly other “outcasts” or “losers” (I don’t think we were losers, but we sure as anything weren’t popular or well-liked). We’d make it through school together only to fall apart very quickly after.
I am not sure where it clicked eventually, but I realised there’s no use in trying to be something – or someone – you are not. You cannot spend your entire life living in the shadow of another person, in the hopes of getting as much admiration or attention as them. You are better off, far better off, finding your own place in the sun and doing your own thing.
So that’s where I am at right now: trying to find my spot in this World. Finding out who I am, what makes me happy, and how I can follow my own path despite what everyone else might be yelling at me. Because life’s not about what others say or expect of you, it’s about what you want to achieve with it.
You are welcome to join my search and watch me struggle as I try to grow. After all, Oscar Wilde said it best:
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars” – Oscar Wilde