Letters to Life

Letters to Life (55)

I seek peace within and not outside of myself. When I have found inner peace, I will not yearn for anything or reject anythingRandom Paper Wisdom


Dear Life,

The problem is I’m not really ambitious about anything. Except running. I know I am not a good enough runner to win any kind of competition, but I am ambitious in the sense that I want to improve myself. Running is easier to train and get better at faster than a lot of other things, Life.

My goal was to be able to run 7.5k and my training started off great! I impressed myself with hitting 7k as early as April this year.

Take in mind I started from a solid 5.5k basis and had given myself three months for every 500 metres increase. So April was better than I could have imagined! I felt sure I’d be running 7.5k easily long before December would knock on my door.

Unfortunately, you decided otherwise.

After hitting 7k two weeks straight, I experienced a major relapse as my body suddenly refused to make it past a meagre 5k.

Time to reconsider: go back to 5k and build up from there. For a while, this seemed to work and I crawled back to a shaky 6k.

The past four weeks I haven’t been able to hit my target distances, Life. My breathing is off and my mindset is rotten; I am not enjoying myself, because I know I’m incapable of hitting my goals.

Apparently, this happens to more people and they have a name for it: sports burn-out.

I assume this is your way of telling me to slow down and rekindle my running fire. Not by chasing high goals, but by going back to the basics and learning to enjoy my runs again.

Because in the end, that’s your most important lesson, Life: enjoy yourself. Be in the moment.

It’s good to strive for greatness, except when it makes you lose your appreciation.

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (54)

“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of”Random Paper Wisdom (quote is from Bruce Lee)


Dear Life,

Recently, I have been struggling with finding my place and meaning in you, and what bothered me most was my sad excuse for a job.

I know, it pays the bills, but after cleaning houses for years on end, can you blame me for starting to find my work boring?

Then something changed. I am not sure what, exactly, but one day I was screening the internet for the best offer on Rhodiola Rosea Root (which worked magic during my Winter Depression), the next day this apparent solution became futile faster than sunshine can melt snow.

Why? I meditated.

I know, Life, it sounds so simple. But the thing is, I got stuck again in my ways. It happens so often that it’s nearly becoming an MO! I find difficulty in recognising I am malfunctioning, though, that’s why it took me a while before I realised what was wrong.

My “being stuck”-feeling this time was based on the thought that, by default, every peer was doing better than me handling you, Life.

So what broke the spell? Self-compassion. I felt the anger I have inside me towards myself for not being more like my peers, for failing, for being “unsuccessful”. When I grabbed that anger and forgave myself for being a “loser”, I felt it subside.

Self-compassion teaches you to live in the here and now, accept that as a human you are, per definition, imperfect. And most importantly: it teaches you to be kind to yourself.

Three things I didn’t realise I was in desperate need of, Life.

If Bruce Lee is right and time is all we have, then I don’t want to waste mine pouting over everything I don’t have. I want to celebrate you, Life, and everything you offer me.

Be kind, be good. Be happy.

Thank you ❤

 

 

 


Letters to Life

Letters to Life (53)

“Nothing ever remains as it was, nothing exists to stay the same” – Random Paper Wisdom


Dear Life,

Sometimes I feel like giving up. Quit everything and accept I have failed at you.

The moments I feel like this are the moments in which I stumble upon someone else’s success.

Like two weeks ago. I had just spent the day with my eldest sister feeding rescued donkeys at a Scottish sanctuary. Even if one of them bit my sister (seriously, who does that ever happen to!?) and another sneezed all over her, we had a great time.

The little biting culprit. Doesn’t he look adorable (and innocent)?

Afterwards, I was on our Air BnB’s sofa, all warm and cozy, waiting for my sister to finish up in the bathroom. To kill time I was gazing at Facebook updates when something caught my eye.

An old classmate had changed her last name. I clicked on her photo and immediately wished I hadn’t: she just got married.

Somehow someone I used to know taking such a big step confronted me with how little progress I feel I’ve made in you, Life. A familiar panicky feeling of standing still while the rest of the World moves on grabbed me by the throat and wouldn’t let go until the next morning.

Find a job and partner, buy a house and start a family. Even if these are not the steps I envision for my own future, Life, being confronted with others who do scares me.

What if this is what I should be aiming for?

I shouldn’t. That’s not me at all and you know that path would make me miserable beyond imagination.

You have different plans for me, Life, and even if sometimes I feel like quitting, you always know how to make me change my mind and be grateful I am here instead.

Nothing lasts forever. Feelings of happiness and moments of anxiety will always come in waves. And that’s what makes you, Life, worthwhile.


Letters to Life

Letters to Life (52)

“Cherish each other’s imperfections, for these are what make us unique”Random Paper Wisdom


Dear Life,

You collaborated with Time this week. After all: Life and Time go hand in hand.

I had my final session with my difficult client.

I can say many things about this person, but I won’t. All I’ll spill is that we were not a good team in this set-up, but I suspect they’re a nice person all-in-all.

Afterwards I met with the keeper of the building. She’s also a coach and I ventured to get some tips from her on how to deal with future pesky clients.

Instead, this woman gave me much more than tips, Life. She asked some serious questions, such as why I’d let this client denigrate me. And how explaining the client was in full resistance was an excuse to justify their misbehaviour.

What happened next was the cold realisation that I have yet to overcome my inferiority complex. The same one that’s been haunting me for nearly 32 years now, Life. The same one I thought I’d already successfully battled!

Turns out pieces of it occasionally still seep through. Especially when I feel belittled.

As I went home, not relieved as I thought I’d be but bummed out that my self-image-related battles are not over yet, you made another thing or two clear to me, Life:

Firstly, that this inferiority complex weighs me down so much so, I physically feel exhausted! After I realised this, part of that exhaustion immediately evaporated.

Secondly, that some people went out of their way to comfort me: “Just a year ago you were a completely different person, look at the progress you’ve made!”

I am appreciated, no matter how inferior I sometimes feel.

A inferiority complex is called that because it’s complex. It needs time to heal. And life experience to be overcome.

Life and Time. Because you go hand in hand.


Letters to Life

Letters to Life (51)

“You are full of awareness and enjoy everything you have and don’t bewail what you do not have”Random Paper Wisdom


Dear Life,

You suck.

Well, you don’t and you know it. But sometimes I just wish you were a little easier on me.

Last week I got a new hormonal shot (no, not trying to get pregnant – trying to avoid going to war with my hormones again) and this always makes me a little… emotional.

(I was going to write “hormonal” but that just seemed a pun too obvious to make)

Anyway, not feeling my greatest, I found out that I have the power to set the mood at home. When I spill my toxins in a verbal manner, my mother is quick to take over and spill even more of her own. My dad likewise.

When I am happy and set a lighter mood, my parents soak up that energy as well and reciprocate. Maybe you’d say that’s how it works with moods, Life, but I find I am less and less affected by how others act.

But tomorrow… I have a horrible coaching client. They’re really the worst!

Secretly they’re not, though. I know this person acts out because of fear. Fear of what they might find if they’d actually look at their inner selves. It’s easier to denigrate the person in front of you than to admit that maybe you are the one being wrong.

I very much have mixed feelings over tomorrow: I really don’t want to see this person ever again, but I also know it’s the last session we have together. And I plan to celebrate.

But in order to get to the sweet part, I have to bite my way through that sour apple first. What’s that saying? “You can’t make an omelette without breaking eggs.”

Life, be kind tomorrow. Make sure my hormones stay quiet enough for me to refrain from becoming verbally violent.

So that I can enjoy my nice clients and not mourn over never having to see this awful one. Ever. Again.