Letters to Life (60)

“Sometimes it is better to lose something than to never have had it at all” – Random Paper Wisdom

Dear Life Corona Virus,

What IS your problem, exactly? What have I, or any other living creature, ever done to you to be treated this way?

I know it’s not your doing that caused a dear client of mine to die. No, that was cancer (and I’ve tried pleading with cancer many times, but always in vain). I was grateful I got to say goodbye to her in person, albeit illegally regarding the strict rules you‘ve forced our country to employ, but hearing of her inevitable passing actually happening still made me sad.

I know it’s not your doing either, COVID-19, that forced me to say goodbye to my dear pet Darwin, for that was a seizure. But it was painful all the more so since I wasn’t even allowed to hold him when the vet ended his suffering. Because of you.

And I know it’s also not your doing that caused my aunt to die, either. That was cancer striking again with its ever so terrible timing.

I know none of these happenings are your fault, Corona Virus, but you do make it worse. Because funerals and cremations are now a big no-go, as you might spread swiftly among the mourning people, causing more damage than their grief alone ever could.

You force invisible barriers between us and make it more painful to deal with Life’s already unfavourable events. You layer the hurt with more hurt.

What we have done to deserve you, I will never know. But I do know that you will not get me down! Because all the people I’ve lost this week, all the souls I’ll have to miss from now on, live on in my heart ❤

And there’s no place for you there, COVID-19! Instead of the fear you’ve unleashed upon this world, my heart is filled with hope, gratitude and love.

Forever ❤

 

 

For J., Darwin and G. ❤ ❤ ❤

HEART TO POST – About Coughing In Elbows And Being On National Lock-Down

“If courage is contagious, ignorance is pandemic” – Unknown

So this is what the apocalypse looks like: empty streets, empty shelves, empty conversations. All I hear is corona this and corona that, increasing people’s fears for this invisible fiend or the contrary – my mother, for instance, is convinced it’s all a storm in a teacup.

Last Saturday I went jogging and I found myself either alone in an otherwise busy place or with people avoiding one another. One man walking his dog even crossed the street the moment he saw me heading towards him. Are we collectively losing our minds or are we being careful?

Or both?

My country is on lock-down, as most other nations are, too. This is day 3 of the National Quarantine.

These are the rules:

• Stay at home if you show signs of a cold or the flu
• Do not go somewhere unless you really need to
• Work from home if possible
• Businesses and schools are closed
• Don’t meet up with friends or go on outings
• All events with more than 100 people are cancelled or forbidden
• Cough or sneeze into your elbow (just don’t forget not to cross your arms afterwards)
• Wash your hands after pretty much everything you do and do so for at least 20 seconds
• Don’t hamster food (which is the Dutch verb for hoarding, but I like the sound of it so there you go! You just learned some Dutch!)
• Don’t visit people who are more at risk, such as elderly people or people already sick

My Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday clients cancelled due to colds or fevers. This morning, I started coughing and had a sneeze-session of 6 in a row (a new record), so I cancelled my Thursday and Friday clients as well. I don’t think I have corona, but I don’t want to risk getting anyone sick if I have. Considering most of my clients are 70 or above… I pass.

I am scared, yet fascinated. As my cousin said it: “This, by far, is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life.” I feel like we’re all in this together, but at the same time handling it differently. This virus is connecting everyone in the World, as we’re all dealing with the same “enemy”, yet it divides us because we’re scared to catch it off one another.

I just feel like posing a few questions here to raise awareness, keep each other hopeful and maybe even laugh a little.

So:

• What is your country’s take on COVID-19?
• What’s been happening where you live?
• How do you deal with it?
• How does corona affect your life and the lives of those around you?
• How do you think all of this will turn out?

Anything you want to get off your chest corona-wise? Let me know in the comments ↓↓↓ Let’s discuss this. It’s not like we’ve got anything better to do, what with all the lock-downs and all… 😉

Please stay healthy and positive, everyone ❤ ❤

GOAL POST (4) – Step 2: Be Realistic

• CURRENTLY WORKING ON: Goal 1 – Feel Better

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Step 2 – Be Realistic

As I pick up the phone my heart picks up its pace. I really don’t want to do this. Every fibre in my being is telling me to hang up while I still can, retreat NOW.

Well, every fibre but one: my common sense.

I know it takes more than a few people implying I am going crazy to actually go crazy, yet I can’t help but fear today’s attempted visit to the doctor’s office will result in just another let-down. Toss it onto the pile of disappointment: you will never feel better, we won’t help you.

Why was I doing this again? Why did I get my hopes up despite knowing better?

Oof, no time to answer that as the fake chirpy voice of the doctor’s assistant pulls me back into reality (I know it’s fake chirpy because last time I called she refused me an appointment and we got caught in an argument – remember?).

So last blog post I felt better and made a new blogging schedule. Then I started feeling worse and failed to follow that schedule. What else is new?

I’ll tell you what is: I relented. I promised myself no more doctor visits yet there I was, with my phone representing my last resort as I pressed the call-button, hoping nobody would be in, while at the same time crossing my fingers for the opposite.

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“Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance”– Ping Fu

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Here is the joke: even if everyone is telling you that you are imagining things, that you need to stop acting as if you’ve got the lead in a drama: listen to yourself.

If things do not feel okay, you have every right to find out what’s causing your issues, no matter who’s screaming louder than you that you’re feigning it.

And if you’re like me: relentless, maybe a little too headstrong for your own good, it’s the same voice you need to listen to. If in reality you’re fighting a battle you can’t possibly win without some help: get help. There’s no need to keep your guard up so high: it’s you who’s talking to you. Listening alone won’t harm you.

I spent weeks being exhausted, dizzy (to the extent of not being able to stand or walk), light-headed and in the company of constant headaches. Not to mention my practically sub-zero blood pressure.

I imagined it was my iron running low (it’s happened before) and that I’d be able to fix it myself with extra supplements.

I was wrong.

Unwilling to be realistic about this, I kept struggling for a few weeks more until I had to face the truth: I need help to get through this.

Tomorrow I’m going to have some blood taken. In the end, my doctor decided not only to check for low iron, but for a hormone marker as well.

Which just goes to show: if I had denied myself this doctor visit, I’d never have gotten any wiser as to what’s really bothering me.

Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you have to do everything yourself. Stay realistic about your situation and ask for help if you need it.

Are you stubborn, too, or do you easily ask for help? Let me know in the comments! ↓↓↓

Letters to Life (59)

“What comes up, must come down. But you and me, we’re floating above the ground” – Mika (from: Stay High)

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Dear Life,

After months of looking forward to it, February 13^th was finally there: Mika’s concert in the Netherlands!

I can’t say I am a huge fan, Life, because you and me both know I am too lazy practical to spend a whole lot of time figuring this man’s life out (nor do I really care that much), but I do very much appreciate his music and live shows.

His latest album had been living inside my CD player for months, which was my most active attempt at getting his new songs down in time before the gig.

It’s just a little disappointing that I lost my voice a day before. But I reckon squealing along is better than sitting at home crying.

Mika’s show ended up teaching me a valuable lesson (or two) as well:

First, Life, I did not know it was humanly possible to have so much fun. Or maybe I forgot. People from all ages, cultural backgrounds and social statuses came together to have a blast – which we did. For one night, for a few hours, none of it mattered. We were all alike. Problem-, worry-, and hate-free.

Second, after searching the web for pictures of the show afterwards (I am always too lazy busy singing and dancing to take any myself), I accidentally found out Mika’s mother is ill. Very ill. Not-sure-she’s-going-to-make-it-ill.

If I was amazed at his performances before, I’m even more so now. For I can slightly imagine the horrors he must be facing, since my mother’s been there, too.

Which is exactly why I closed off my internet immediately, ran to my mum and held her.

She’s here still. I have her. I’ll lose her one day, but not today.

Enjoy yourself, but never take anything for granted ❤

Or, in Mika’s words: “Love today.”

 

 

 

 

GOAL POST (3) – 3 Tips To Make It Through Step 1 (Choose Yourself)

• CURRENTLY WORKING ON: Goal 1 – Feel Better

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Step 1 – Choose Yourself (continued)

It’s al very nice and all, figuring out the first step to feeling better is to choose yourself, but how exactly do you do that? What if you didn’t have some sort of epiphany like me? Then where do you start?

You start by realising this: if you do not take good care of yourself, it is impossible to take care of others. Therefore, you owe it not only to yourself, but to everyone around you that you love, to take good care of yourself.

I’m sure almost everyone has heard the safety talk on a plane in which you’re told to, in case pressure in the cabin drops, put on your own oxygen mask first before helping your children (or others sitting next to you) with theirs. Why? Because if you pass out, you’ll not be able to help others. Result: more possible casualties. It’s logic 101.

I tell you this, because I know from own experiences, as well as stories of coachees, people find it difficult to put themselves first, fearing it will make them selfish. Being self-centred, however, takes years of practice. One logical decision will not magically transform you into an egoist, trust me.

Now that we’ve got that settled, here’s 3 tips to choose yourself:

1. Acknowledge You Are Not Feeling Okay
It’s such a cliché, but true: you cannot fix a problem if you deny it’s there. Sticking your head in the sand will surely work for a while, but the longer you wait facing reality, the harder it’s going to slap you in the face when you pull your head up for a breather.
One trick I picked up is to avoid the verb to accept. You don’t have to accept you’re feeling down. You don’t have to feel like you should be okay with it. But at the very least you should acknowledge it. You are not feeling like this for no reason: your body and mind are trying to tell you something. So sit down and listen.

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“You, yourself, as much as anybody else in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection”– Buddha

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2. Get Your Priorities Straight – Set Boundaries That Work For You
Now that you’ve acknowledged you’re not exactly as happy or as healthy as you’d like to be, it’s time to set some boundaries – for your own sake! You are now your own number 1 priority. That’s right. When making decisions, ask yourself: is this going to help me feel better? If the answer is no, reconsider.
Someone needs your help? Great! Only… If you don’t feel up to it, for whatever reason, don’t. If you’ve got 100% energy to spend on a daily basis, quit giving 80% away to others. You need it yourself! If the people asking for your help care about you, too, they’ll understand. Which brings me to tip 3:

3. Talk About It – Be Open And Stay True To Yourself
People cannot read your mind or smell what’s going on with you. If you want a little understanding, you’ve got to at least give them a little explanation.
When I opened up about not feeling well, some people got angry with me, others got upset and some were downright surprised. But at least now they all know why sometimes I am not going out with them or would rather hang out closer to my home than theirs.
You don’t have to be dramatic about it, but at least let people know, in general, what’s going on. It will make tip 2 a whole lot easier, too!
Talking also releases some of the burden you’ve been dragging along with you. Feeling miserable is bad enough, don’t add loneliness to the mix.

I hope these tips are useless for you, for that’d mean you’re doing fine already. If you do have a hard time putting yourself first, just imagine you’re in an airplane with oxygen masks dangling in front of you. Nobody would hold it against you if you helped yourself first in that scenario, so why should they do it now?

And even if they would, their opinion is not your priority. Your priority is yourself, so you can feel better and help others better, too.

Whatever it is that you do: be kind to yourself. You deserve it. Buddha said so, so it must be true 😉

Are these tips helpful to you? Do you have more tips that have helped you and might work wonders for someone else? Let me know ↓↓↓