Aside

HAPPY NEW YEAR – January Is The Best Time To Get Your Priorities Straight

Happy 2020, everyone! I hope you had a wonderful 2019 and are ready to take on the new year with excitement, renewed energy and enthusiasm!

As for me: I have been doing a little better physically, but I am far from where I want to be. Still, an improvement is an improvement, no matter how small, and I take every teeny tiny flicker of victory as exactly that: a victory 🙂

As 2019 was rounding up, something magical happened: my youngest niece J. was born! As many of you probably know, we lost her sister I. in 2017. The impact of this loss caught up to me in a thousandfold as I held the newest member of our family in my arms for the first time. J. will probably never know how grateful I am for her presence, her heartbeat, her perfect existence in this less than perfect World ❤

I can honestly say I have never enjoyed holding babies much (something with them being so fragile and their head needing support), but this baby I’ve already held more times than I did the others combined. I keep finding myself in strategic positions so that her parents will pass her on to my arms, which they always do, heheh.

Something else happened: my *attacks* have lessened. That is to say, I still get sick and it still happens on a weekly basis. But it’s no longer always on a Wednesday and the force of the attacks has decreased. Seems like my homeopathic diet is working 🙂 I’ve also picked up working out, albeit on a very low level of intensity. I’ve had my first run since four months a little while ago and even did half a Body Pump workout a week ago. I am still exhausted after every exercise, but at least doing something is better than nothing.

And then there was the final realisation of 2019 that turned my whole world upside-down: I’ve been investing so much energy into this one particular someone, it’s literally been keeping me up at night.

When all went wrong again and my worries peaked again and I saw that person again and they pretended their life was A-okay again, it finally hit me: that person will never learn to take responsibility for their own actions, problems and happiness if I keep rushing to the rescue. I am wasting my energy on them. Energy that I very much need myself.

So I stopped worrying. I stopped wasting this much of myself on them, and decided it was time to choose for myself. To invest all that extra energy I now have into myself! 😀

And that realisation is the driving force behind my new goals:

I figured the dating is optional, but if I feel good and my business is making a profit, why not consider finding a partner? Who knows, in the worst case I’ll end up alone, like I am now, but I’ll surely feel fine about it because I’ll already have reached goals 1 and 2.

And just because making my business as a life coach a success is number two on the list, doesn’t mean I’ll not spend time on it now. My list of goals are actually my current priorities. Feeling healthy and content should always be everyone’s top priority.

It’s never been mine, though. I was always busy taking care of others…

In that light, me feeling terrible is a good thing. Because it showed me right where my flaws were: never was I really focused on me.

My goals (or priorities) have given me a renewed drive to work on myself and something to write about. For a while I was struggling where to take this blog to. I tried several things that weren’t really me. But now I’ve found something to occupy myself with that I can use as a topic for my writings as well.

I say that’s a happy start of 2020!

It’s just a bit sad I have to drive back to the restaurant at the other side of the country tomorrow, because that’s where I lost my credit card today… Well, at least they’ve found it and kept it secure, and the journey gives me (plenty of) time to rehearse Mika’s new songs before his concert in February.

How have you all been doing? Any resolutions or goals for 2020? Let me know! 🙂

Status Update

STATUS UPDATE – Missed Me Much, Miss Me More

To all the people who don’t like me nagging about my health: here’s your chance to tune out now 😉

I hate nagging as much as you do, but sadly at this moment it’s the one thing that got me further into feeling better. There have been some changes in my life recently, some of which I am quite proud:

  1. First change (not good): for a while now I’ve been getting really sick on at least one day a week, regularly. Weird, huh? I say it’s the *whispers* hormones again, but I am no doctor so what do I know? All that I do know is that every Wednesday (and one Tuesday) since five weeks I get physically unwell to the extent that I can’t do anything but lie down and hope it goes away fast (which it never does). Nausea, stomach aches, bowels playing up… You name it, I’ve got it.  For hours on end. And every Wednesday…? 😮 That makes no sense at all, so I decided to call my gynaecologist. And GP.
  2. Second change (pretty good): I had an apppointment planned with my gynaecologist for January 2nd. When I called and explained my issues to her assistant, she told me my doctor really can’t see me until next year. What the heck? Instead of giving up, though, I decided to try something different: I kept nagging and pleading and talking and arguing until she relented and suddenly *found* an opening on November 20th. Hah! Thought this was good? Wait ’til you read what nagging brought me next:
  3. Third change (super good!): This Friday, I called my GP. On purpose, because I know she’s out on Fridays and I like her substitute better. But, unfortunately for me it appeared as if I was never going to make it past the firewall of assistents. The one who picked up the phone listened to my problems for a short while only to proceed by repeating to me: “We cannot help you with this. No, there’s nothing we can do.”
    Again, normally I would have given up, but this time I was relentless and kept going at her until she agreed to have the GP call me back later. My doctor did so and after explaining the whole story again to her, she said (directly translated quote): “You should have come in to see me, I could have run a few tests on you already.”I can’t describe how good it felt to tell her: “I tried, but your assistent wouldn’t let me. She said you couldn’t do anything for me.”Sometimes being a b*tch feels so great! 🙂

    Anyway, my doctor’s scheduled for tons of blood tests (“Basically just everything, plus the usual”). So I’ll have my blood taken on Monday and then meet my regular GP on (irony:) Wednesday to talk it all over.

Conclusion: my health is definitely not good. It comes and goes in waves, but every week it gets drastically worse for a day or two. Or three. And then picks up and starts all over.

I know people don’t believe me because it sounds like a bad joke: every Wednesday she gets sick? Yeah, right! The sad truth is that even I feel like it’s all in my head sometimes, until it happens again. On a Wednesday 😐 And by then I am crying from feeling helpless.

So right now, my main priority is getting better. I have “WP” written in my diary to remind me to post on WordPress, read all of your posts and, basically, appear alive altogether. But honestly, I am not up for it.

Still, I am happier than I’ve been these past five weeks! 🙂 Because I took a stand (or two) and am finally sticking up for myself. And I’m not done nagging to the right people, not until I am all well again.

I am sorry if I’m letting anyone down or dissapoint someone. I’m going to take an official break from WordPress, but hope to be back sooner than anyone can imagine 🙂

Miss you all ❤

Aside

A Little Update – All About My About Me

For those of who who have eagerly been awaiting this day: I’ve updated my About Me page! Click on any of the links to go there (in this text, in the links session, on my image there –>) and see what is new.

I promise I will update more and write more. It’s just that every time I think I’m doing better, something else gets in the way. This time it’s a mild case of the flu and a large case of a terrible band currently playing outside on the grassy field near my house.
I reckon it’s to celebrate the new primary school’s first anniversary. However, they’d be better off playing the original version as opposed to this… In Dutch we would call it kattengejank (“a cat’s howling”).

So far, I’ve heard them severely abuse Ed Sheeran‘s Perfect as well as Narcotic from Liquido.

Kind of ironic, this, seeing as I share my personal playlist on my new About Me page – it’s filled with (good) music. Good and diverse, so go check it out!

That’s all I have to share right now. Life’s been pretty dull with the flu and work being just the same.

How have you all been doing? Let me know in the comments! 🙂

Aside

Did You Know…?

Did you know…

…I hate clutter? Really, strongly loathe it?

As much as I hate clutter, I love tidying up ever so much! I just wanted to let you know this, as by updating my blog to this new brown-blue-purple version I reached the point where I couldn’t stand my media clutter any more and my must-be-clutter-free mentality took over. Fiercely.

This means I’ve deleted a lot of old images from this blog. Most of them were used in very old posts and I am sure nobody will miss them. But just in case you’re new here (welcome!) and are browsing through my blog, be aware some images might not load any more. It’s not your computer. It’s not your internet connection. It’s merely my aversion of clutter.

Next on my digital declutter list: my memory stick. Oh man, you don’t want to know what’s on there in terms of old photos and documents. I am not sure I want to know!

But the best part of decluttering is the relief you get afterwards. And the extra space to stuff full with new clutter, of course 😉

On a side note: You might be seeing the following image travelling around on my blog:

I am working hard on new content and giving everything a new dash of Samantha, so to speak. As time will pass and more updates will follow, this image will vanish. Just like a lot of other images did today…

Thank you for your patience! And don’t forget to follow me if you aren’t already 😉

 

 

 


Status Update

Beware! Updates Ahead

I had forgotten how much work it is to update a blog’s appearance… And how much fun at the same time! 🙂

I have yet to write a better welcome and make several more changes to Heart to Follow before I’ll be satisfied with the results, I am sure, but I am on my way.

See, bad weather is good for something! One tends to get very creative and in doorsy from it (plus it cools down the house).

Let’s hope the Dutch weather stays awful for the upcoming days, and this blog will be done in no time!

(Who am I kidding? It’s going to take me a while, but all things need to have a beginning).