Heart to Post

About Dentists, Disillusions & Delight

It was a week of strange notifications.

First, I received an email about my heavenly dentist. I am not sure if I’ve ever mentioned it here, but he is gorgeous! And also a very good dentist.

I never mind going there. I did mind when a few years ago he told me it was a good idea if I’d just come in “once a year instead of twice, because you have such great teeth, there’s never anything wrong.”

Honest, yes. Disappointing even more so.

Imagine the tenfold of such a disappointment when I read the email his assistant sent me, about all his Tuesday clients being moved to another dentist.

Somewhere two nights later I woke up and felt my sorrows transform into glorious hope as I realised his Tuesday clients were moved.

The next day I changed my appointment (for May 2022, imagine my thoroughness!) from a Tuesday to a Thursday.

Result: I was a happy dental camper again, looking forward to my next check-up, and felt a little high over my clever solution to keep my yummy dentist.

As it turned out, I needed this high, because it’s what’s gotten me through the past week.

Anyone who has had cancer or who knows someone who has had any form of this illness, can probably relate to the fear of it returning with practically every cough or sneeze.

Anyone who’s ever had their blood checked can probably relate to a certain level of panic when you receive the results on the same day as you went in to get tested.

My mum’s had cancer ten years ago.She has check-ups every year and so far, they’ve always been negative (or positive for us).

This year, she also had some blood taken and that’s where all the bells and whistles went off.

Bad news travels at the speed of light, good news at the speed of molasses

Tracy Morgan

Her GP personally made sure she got an appointment in the hospital ASAP this week – the oncology and haematology department.

That’s when I knew she was going to die.

Her test results are not 100% conclusive, but the specialist said it was very likely a form of chronic leukemia. Not the nicest news, but…

Even if this form isn’t curable it is treatable. She could, potentially, still make it to 100 with it.

Safe to say this, despite the shadowy nature of the news, it was still MUCH better than anything my mind came up with.

So, I was ready to end my week on a mid-high, with my mum not dying and my personal dentist success.

Why is it that siblings always have to ruin everything ?

When I told her about Mr. Dreamy Dentist, my sister asked me if I’d looked him up on social media already.

I should have known better than to fall for that…

I learned that my dreamy dentist is absolutely nothing like the person my mind’s made him up to be. In fact, he’s not half as interesting as I thought he was!

Actually, my findings have made me look at him from a completely different point of view – and it’s not a good one!

What a massive turn-off that was. Oof!

Thank goodness I never acted on my infatuation: we are a mismatch made in every place but heaven, I’d say!

To make up for this new disillusion I slapped my sister – accidentally right on her injection mark (she got her second anti-COVID shot today).

Oops!

Then again: no good deed goes unpunished.


How was your week? Any dreams gone up in smoke? Or did they become real?

Heart to Post

About Manifesting And More

It first happened a few weeks ago.

I was more than ready to throw the towel in the ring and call it quits on my coaching business; who was I kidding? I’d surely never have another paying customer again!

In fact, I had given myself until the end of this year to get one client, or else I’d end the existence of my business on January 1st.

Or 2nd, probably, seeing as everything is always closed on New Year’s Day.

My business coach (I am currently enrolled in a programme trying to figure out how this “running your own business”-thing works) tried to talk some courage (read: sense) into me.

She even went as far as to congratulate me: “You are now really a business owner, an entrepreneur,” she exclaimed. And then she had the audacity to – literally – applaud me for the pain I was going through.

“It’s all part of the process” – Eugh. Where have I heard that before?

(Hint: that was in coaching school. And that teacher had been right)

Anyway, that’s when I heard about alignment, inner beings and manifesting.

Basically, according to the Universal Law of Attraction, we can get anything we want, as long as we believe in it. If we believe it can happen, no matter how, when or where, we can attract anything we wish for in our lives.

(That’s the short version, for more info on manifesting and the Law of Attraction I highly recommend spending some time on Google on a lazy – and possibly rainy – Sunday afternoon)

All that we are is a result of what we have thought

Buddha

So I did the unthinkable. Which is kind of my thing, but still.

What I did was this: I sat for a bit, alone in my room, and just shouted internally: “I want a client! I WANT A CLIENT!!”

Clients don’t fall from skies, I know, and just wanting something alone won’t make it happen per se.

But here’s where it gets a bit… odd.

Also a few weeks ago I entered an online challenge to learn Google Ads, my best friend and forever nemesis in one (it’s possible).

I did everything I was taught and more, and after a while I had created an online ad to attract more traffic to my renewed website – first get the data before you can measure the data.

However… Google kept saying the ad wasn’t showing. All zeros: zero shows, zero clicks, zero costs.

Zero clients.

I did everything I could, searched all over the web, but failed to find a solution for my problem. Switching the ad off and on and off again did nothing; the zeros remained.

Until I checked my billing info, where it said my ad had generated over 100 clicks within a few days… Whut?

Success is getting what you want. Happiness is wanting what you get.

Dale Carnegie

So, somehow, my ad was working, even if the results were not showing (this issue is still to be resolved by Google).

Here’s the breakdown: as I was shouting at the Universe that all I wanted were clients, my underdeveloped online ad was silently luring people to my website. My website, that I had just renewed with the helps of my business coach to speak more to my ideal client. Really grab their attention.

And somehow, some of those people stuck around.

On the same day my frustrations were growing so intense I was counting down the months to go before I could call it quits, I got an email request from someone who’s now my client.

Coincidence?

They are the first of three. In three weeks’ time.

Have I suddenly made it as a coach? Am I suddenly successful? Nope, nowhere near.

But I am on my way again.

And I have learned something: maybe this whole manifesting what you want isn’t such a crazy idea. Perhaps there’s actually some truth in it.

Plus, truth or not, at least there’s no harm in trying.

I’ve stocked up on 10 tests and 10 special binders for my clients. Let’s see if I can manifest all of them to be used up before the end of this year 😉


Do you believe in the Law of Attraction and manifesting your wants? Or do you have other ways of dealing with frustrations and desires? Let me know in a comment!

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (66)

Dear Life,

It’s been a while. I know I shouldn’t have kept you waiting, but I’m here now.

Who am I kidding? I know I cannot fool you, Life! But even if those words aren’t mine, they seem appropriate to open this long overdue letter.

Plans, Life. Plans!

Let’s talk about them.

How come I have tons of them, but hardly ever one seems to lead to accomplishment?

Is this the reason why my head is full? That I experience problems falling asleep?

Are they the reason I wake up at 5:19 am every morning?

Is my insomnia better at realising plans than my conscious self?!

If only it was up to my head, Life, you’d look completely different for me.

Although I wonder if that’s a good thing…

Plans are nothing, planning is everything

Dwight D. Eisenhower

For instance, take the Dutch weather lately, (which has been exactly what we always complain about: cold and wet).

I have never used my winter jacket for as long as I have this year, and the weather’s only picked up since a day or two…

What I mean is: if us humans, or at the very least us Dutchies, could plan the weather, we’d never see another droplet of rain. Our farm fields would go to waste, all the water we’re so proud of conquering would dry up and we’d be even more miserable than we imagine we are right now.

You poorly combine with making plans, Life. Because you always seem to give me something else to deal with first, before doing what I feel I must to accomplish what I want.

Be it frustration or surprise, perhaps it’s not all that bad when you don’t give me what I want.

Because in the end, you always give me what I need. And that is, albeit unplanned, more valuable.

So thank you.

For being mine the way you are.


The origin of the opening words:

How do you go about planning your life? Does it work for you? Let me know in a comment ↓

Heart to Post

About Missing Pieces And Fulfilment

“The art of simplicity is a puzzle of complexity”Douglas Horton


You know you have changed as a person when you’ve passed a life test with flying colours. A test that, years ago, you’d never have succeeded in finishing, for the simple fact that there was (literally) a piece missing.

Are you ready for a little paradox?

Over the Christmas holidays, me and my mother took it upon us to finish a puzzle of 1,000 pieces. Don’t ask me why, because neither one of us is into jigsaws, yet we thought this would be a fun challenge.

We started on Christmas Eve and a few weeks later (we didn’t work on it every day), this was the end result:

It feels like I spent hours looking for that missing piece, but I failed to find it. It could be anywhere or nowhere at all (maybe it wasn’t even in the box to begin with, who knows?). In reality, though, I’d given up my search in about ten minutes.

The absence of this one meagre puzzle piece would have felt like a thorn in my old self’s eye and I wouldn’t have been able to step over it for days, weeks maybe. Perhaps I’d never have been able to really accept the frustrating fact that one lousy piece was missing – a failure, even if 999 pieces are in place, the annoyance of that one piece missing would instantaneously destroy any feelings of success.

The new me sighed it off after a mere few minutes and carried on with her life. There’s more important things to worry about, I thought.

That’s your paradox right there: that one piece missing from the jigsaw is also a lost piece I’ve found in my personality. I’ve grown.

That silly we’ll-never-do-that-again* puzzle might be unfinishable, I am working on my own personal completion, one piece at a time.

How have your holidays been? Any pieces you’ve added to your own puzzle?

 

 

 

*My mum’s birthday is coming up and as a surprise gift I’ve ordered a custom made jigsaw, another astonishing 1,000 pieces, of her grandchildren. I’m afraid we’ll actually do it all again, but I hope this time we won’t be missing any bits

PS: I am slowly coming back to life and I’ve put “WP” in my journal. That’s code for “I hope to make time this week to read up on all if your blogs” (finally)!

Aside, Status Update

About New Years And Old Acquaintances

“Don’t be shy about asking for help. It doesn’t mean you’re weak, it only means you’re wise”Unknown


Before I write anything else, I want to wish everyone a very belated yet earnest

Happy 2021!

I know it’s well overdue, but I’ve been told it’s allowed until at least the beginning of Spring, so… I’m not too late, surely? 😉

Anyway, I’ve been quiet, as always, because I’ve been doing all sorts of things, as always, apart from sleeping (as from November).

That’s a small lie: my sleeping has improved. A “good night” now varies between 5-7 hours of sleep and sometimes I even get that without any “help” such as a sleeping pill or melatonin. So even if I still find myself exhausted throughout various moments of the day, my insomnia is slowly (very slowly) decreasing.

In my last post I wrote about seeing a coach-like person… Well, that was a joke! Haha, it still makes me laugh out loud, thinking back to it all :’)

After interviewing me for about 20 minutes he declared I was “severely traumatised” and needed to find myself a “trauma psychologist, not a regular one, one that specialises in traumas.”

When I asked him what my trauma was, exactly, since I honestly didn’t know (still don’t), he told me that’s something I have to figure out with the trauma psychologist.

Whut? If you start talking like that, don’t we all suddenly need to see a “trauma psychologist”? How does this make sense? I don’t see it, but okay, I can shrug it off.

The coach-like person then proceeded by assuring me that him and me, we could work on boosting my low self-esteem.

I think that was the moment my jaw literally dropped. I must have looked at him with a more than just puzzling look on my face, because he reacted surprised by my, well, surprise.

I told him there was nothing wrong with my self-esteem. Sure, it’s been super low for super long, but I’ve also been building it up for quite a while, thank you very much, and I didn’t see the point in focussing on that right now. I mean, I have other priorities, such as, I don’t know, SLEEPING?

So, after 25 minutes of what was supposed to be a 30 minute session, my coach-like person rolled his chair back, threw his hands up and screeched: “Then WHY are you here!?”

I know that was the moment I lost my respect for him as a coach. I mean, I know I don’t actually have clients right now so this man’s got one over me, but… If somebody shows up for coaching, I make sure to let them tell me why they’re sitting in my office, not vice versa.

Anyway, when in doubt what to do, mimic what you see. So I, in turn, threw my hands up at him and shouted: “Finally you ask! I have barely slept for 4 weeks and I think it’s due to stress. I mean, all kinds of things fill my head and at night I lie awake.”

His advice? (You can giggle, it’s okay. I do it, too.)

His professional advice to me after telling him I lie awake at night was: “Don’t.”

When I asked him how he didn’t actually burst into song, yet he did pressure me to just “let it go.”

Honestly! I could do his job! And so much better!

Against all better reasoning I made a follow-up appointment for 3 weeks later. Sometime during those weeks I talked to a good friend of mine who asked me why I didn’t look into my old psychologist? The one that helped me get through my depression 12 years ago. Maybe she was still around and could help me? Surely it was worth looking her up?

So I did.

And guess what?

I found her! 😀 And she still works as a psychologist! Very close by, too!

I’ve contacted her and she’s got a waiting list for about 6 weeks, which sounds long but is far better than the 5 months a lot of other mental helpers have. So in a few weeks she’ll contact me and I’m curious to hear what she has to say, although I am convinced it’s going to be much better and way more helpful than “let it go.”

But, since I am not too good to teach anyone a lesson, including myself, I decided to go to the second appointment with the coach-like person anyway, just to… well, “show him in what state my self-esteem really was.”

When he asked me how I’d experienced our first session, I asked him if I could be frank (nobody ever says no to that, do they?). I told him I’d found it very useless, and that I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at his advice to “not lie awake.”

He denied having said that.

Here’s a funny little intermezzo: every time somebody’s ever insulted me in the past and I confronted them with it, they either ended up denying it or blaming it all on me.

Normally I just leave it at that, but not this time. I told the “coach” I have a fantastic memory and an auditive one at that, and that he did say that, literally.

The crimson colour that appeared on his cheeks ran all the way down his neck.

People, that was by far the best moment I had in 2020! 😀 Eureka for standing up for myself, while keeping my cool (and icy glare).

The man sitting opposite of me started to mumble that maybe I was better of with a psychologist. I told him I agreed. He started explaining how to get a referral letter from my GP. I told him I already knew. He grasped his computer mouse and started googling some psychologists he knew. I told him I had already found one.

We stared at each other for a while and I remember thinking There is nothing this man can teach me.

Don’t get me wrong: I think he was kind and nice. He just wasn’t the right person to help me.

But… that’s where I’m at right now. Proud of myself (and boy did I sleep that night!), with a healthy self-esteem as proof of what I did in that man’s office, awaiting my time to meet up with my old psychologist.

12 years is a long time and she didn’t remember me, which I think is logical. But I have a good feeling about this.

Maybe everything that went wrong in 2020 only did so, so I could set it right in 2021.

2021 is going to be one heck of a year, I can sense it. But I am adamant to make that a positive thing!

How have you all been doing? I hope you’re all well! Stay safe and sane, people 🙂