Aside

About Heaps Of Money & Leaps Of Faith

To quote a certain blonde pop singer I was a huge fan of at ages 12-14: “It’s been a while. I know I shouldn’t have kept you waiting, but I’m here now.”

(In case of any doubt: yes, I mean Britney Spears)

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged or spent enough time reading your blogs, but I am here now 🙂


A few weeks ago my mother came to me and told me about a nightmare she’d had: her and my father had died, my sisters had insisted on selling the house and I had ended up spending the rest of my life living in a cardboard box.

My mother has since repeated this fear to me with increasing anxiety, as she’s convinced it will come true.

What my mother is incredibly good at, is 1) projecting fears onto people and 2) blaming them for it.

Her SUPER POWER, however, is making people who already feel bad feel WORSE.

I’ve been feeling like such a failure for months on end now, because my business is not picking up. It’s gotten to a point where I can honestly say it’s doing as bad as any decent doom scenario: I am losing money. I have bills to pay and make no income. Can’t get worse than that, right?

After my mother’s nightmare talk (pun intended) my dread grew worse and I picked up my phone to start looking for a 9-5 job immediately.

If anyone of you has ever read Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, you might recognise the lesson to “listen to what you heart has to say” when I write that my heart ached as I clicked on a job opening for a pharmaceutical packer.

I don’t know what a pharmaceutical packer does exactly, but I do know they make way more money than me – but so does the rest of the World right now, I imagine.

My heart almost literally hurt when I clicked on job description after job description and I eventually caved; I don’t want to just give up on my coaching business until I’ve at least really tried to make it work!

So I did the unthinkable and hired a business/marketing coach.

It cost me almost the remainder of my savings, but after netting a 30 minute free “strategy session” that turned into a 90 minute excited talk about passions and how to deal with the marketing aspects of a business, I dare say me and the marketing coach really clicked. I enrolled in her marketing programme that starts in September and she’s immediately given me access to all her online trainings (that are quite impressive in number – and success rates!).

Taking this step, this risk, scares me witless. What if my investment won’t pay off? My bank account will hit 0 sooner than my mum can make curtains for my cardboard box! But… If I don’t do this, then the results will inevitably be the same.

I understand my mother, I know she’s only worried. I am the first person in our family to try and start their own business and therefore I am not related to anyone who can relate (you’ve got to admire that sentence!).

But I have to do this… As painful as the confrontation with my mother was, seeing that money disappear onto someone else’s account was strangely liberating. I am actually going to do this. I am going to give it a massive, honest, passionate try! With almost literally everything I got!

With that, I felt my heart rejoice. If it doesn’t scare you, it’s not worth doing, right?

I hope that’s right.

I’ve given myself a year to get on my financial feet. If after that time it didn’t happen, I’ll gladly take that cardboard box from my mother’s nightmare.

And use it to do whatever pharmaceutical packers do.

 

 

 

 

What’s the scariest thing you’ve ever done? How did that work out for you?

Aside

Songs Lost, Songs Found

I accidentally-yet-happily stumbled upon this gem recently. I think it was a song we had to learn in music class 100 years ago in high school, but I am not sure. What I am sure about, is that I completely forgot about its existence until I saw it mentioned somewhere (was it a Google prompt? I forgot).

I love you, I.

My head is so full with old doubts it’s hard to remember new things. My heart is (strangely) at ease, yet there’s a thin layer of sadness covering it. But when I hear this song I feel 100% alive.

Today would have been my niece’s 3rd birthday. Her name was another flower. Seems only right to share this rosy one with you here ❤ ❤ ❤

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (60)

“Sometimes it is better to lose something than to never have had it at all”Random Paper Wisdom

Dear Life Corona Virus,

What IS your problem, exactly? What have I, or any other living creature, ever done to you to be treated this way?

I know it’s not your doing that caused a dear client of mine to die. No, that was cancer (and I’ve tried pleading with cancer many times, but always in vain). I was grateful I got to say goodbye to her in person, albeit illegally regarding the strict rules you‘ve forced our country to employ, but hearing of her inevitable passing actually happening still made me sad.

I know it’s not your doing either, COVID-19, that forced me to say goodbye to my dear pet Darwin, for that was a seizure. But it was painful all the more so since I wasn’t even allowed to hold him when the vet ended his suffering. Because of you.

And I know it’s also not your doing that caused my aunt to die, either. That was cancer striking again with its ever so terrible timing.

I know none of these happenings are your fault, Corona Virus, but you do make it worse. Because funerals and cremations are now a big no-go, as you might spread swiftly among the mourning people, causing more damage than their grief alone ever could.

You force invisible barriers between us and make it more painful to deal with Life’s already unfavourable events. You layer the hurt with more hurt.

What we have done to deserve you, I will never know. But I do know that you will not get me down! Because all the people I’ve lost this week, all the souls I’ll have to miss from now on, live on in my heart ❤

And there’s no place for you there, COVID-19! Instead of the fear you’ve unleashed upon this world, my heart is filled with hope, gratitude and love.

Forever ❤

 

 

For J., Darwin and G. ❤ ❤ ❤
Heart to Post

HEART TO POST – About Coughing In Elbows And Being On National Lock-Down

“If courage is contagious, ignorance is pandemic”Unknown

So this is what the apocalypse looks like: empty streets, empty shelves, empty conversations. All I hear is corona this and corona that, increasing people’s fears for this invisible fiend or the contrary – my mother, for instance, is convinced it’s all a storm in a teacup.

Last Saturday I went jogging and I found myself either alone in an otherwise busy place or with people avoiding one another. One man walking his dog even crossed the street the moment he saw me heading towards him. Are we collectively losing our minds or are we being careful?

Or both?

My country is on lock-down, as most other nations are, too. This is day 3 of the National Quarantine.

These are the rules:

  • Stay at home if you show signs of a cold or the flu
  • Do not go somewhere unless you really need to
  • Work from home if possible
  • Businesses and schools are closed
  • Don’t meet up with friends or go on outings
  • All events with more than 100 people are cancelled or forbidden
  • Cough or sneeze into your elbow (just don’t forget not to cross your arms afterwards)
  • Wash your hands after pretty much everything you do and do so for at least 20 seconds
  • Don’t hamster food (which is the Dutch verb for hoarding, but I like the sound of it so there you go! You just learned some Dutch!)
  • Don’t visit people who are more at risk, such as elderly people or people already sick

My Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday clients cancelled due to colds or fevers. This morning, I started coughing and had a sneeze-session of 6 in a row (a new record), so I cancelled my Thursday and Friday clients as well. I don’t think I have corona, but I don’t want to risk getting anyone sick if I have. Considering most of my clients are 70 or above… I pass.

I am scared, yet fascinated. As my cousin said it: “This, by far, is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever witnessed in my entire life.” I feel like we’re all in this together, but at the same time handling it differently. This virus is connecting everyone in the World, as we’re all dealing with the same “enemy”, yet it divides us because we’re scared to catch it off one another.

I just feel like posing a few questions here to raise awareness, keep each other hopeful and maybe even laugh a little.

So:

  • What is your country’s take on COVID-19?
  • What’s been happening where you live?
  • How do you deal with it?
  • How does corona affect your life and the lives of those around you?
  • How do you think all of this will turn out?

Anything you want to get off your chest corona-wise? Let me know in the comments ↓↓↓ Let’s discuss this. It’s not like we’ve got anything better to do, what with all the lock-downs and all… 😉

Please stay healthy and positive, everyone ❤ ❤

Aside

HAPPY NEW YEAR – January Is The Best Time To Get Your Priorities Straight

Happy 2020, everyone! I hope you had a wonderful 2019 and are ready to take on the new year with excitement, renewed energy and enthusiasm!

As for me: I have been doing a little better physically, but I am far from where I want to be. Still, an improvement is an improvement, no matter how small, and I take every teeny tiny flicker of victory as exactly that: a victory 🙂

As 2019 was rounding up, something magical happened: my youngest niece J. was born! As many of you probably know, we lost her sister I. in 2017. The impact of this loss caught up to me in a thousandfold as I held the newest member of our family in my arms for the first time. J. will probably never know how grateful I am for her presence, her heartbeat, her perfect existence in this less than perfect World ❤

I can honestly say I have never enjoyed holding babies much (something with them being so fragile and their head needing support), but this baby I’ve already held more times than I did the others combined. I keep finding myself in strategic positions so that her parents will pass her on to my arms, which they always do, heheh.

Something else happened: my *attacks* have lessened. That is to say, I still get sick and it still happens on a weekly basis. But it’s no longer always on a Wednesday and the force of the attacks has decreased. Seems like my homeopathic diet is working 🙂 I’ve also picked up working out, albeit on a very low level of intensity. I’ve had my first run since four months a little while ago and even did half a Body Pump workout a week ago. I am still exhausted after every exercise, but at least doing something is better than nothing.

And then there was the final realisation of 2019 that turned my whole world upside-down: I’ve been investing so much energy into this one particular someone, it’s literally been keeping me up at night.

When all went wrong again and my worries peaked again and I saw that person again and they pretended their life was A-okay again, it finally hit me: that person will never learn to take responsibility for their own actions, problems and happiness if I keep rushing to the rescue. I am wasting my energy on them. Energy that I very much need myself.

So I stopped worrying. I stopped wasting this much of myself on them, and decided it was time to choose for myself. To invest all that extra energy I now have into myself! 😀

And that realisation is the driving force behind my new goals:

I figured the dating is optional, but if I feel good and my business is making a profit, why not consider finding a partner? Who knows, in the worst case I’ll end up alone, like I am now, but I’ll surely feel fine about it because I’ll already have reached goals 1 and 2.

And just because making my business as a life coach a success is number two on the list, doesn’t mean I’ll not spend time on it now. My list of goals are actually my current priorities. Feeling healthy and content should always be everyone’s top priority.

It’s never been mine, though. I was always busy taking care of others…

In that light, me feeling terrible is a good thing. Because it showed me right where my flaws were: never was I really focused on me.

My goals (or priorities) have given me a renewed drive to work on myself and something to write about. For a while I was struggling where to take this blog to. I tried several things that weren’t really me. But now I’ve found something to occupy myself with that I can use as a topic for my writings as well.

I say that’s a happy start of 2020!

It’s just a bit sad I have to drive back to the restaurant at the other side of the country tomorrow, because that’s where I lost my credit card today… Well, at least they’ve found it and kept it secure, and the journey gives me (plenty of) time to rehearse Mika’s new songs before his concert in February.

How have you all been doing? Any resolutions or goals for 2020? Let me know! 🙂