Letters to Life

Letters to Life (60)

“Sometimes it is better to lose something than to never have had it at all”Random Paper Wisdom

Dear Life Corona Virus,

What IS your problem, exactly? What have I, or any other living creature, ever done to you to be treated this way?

I know it’s not your doing that caused a dear client of mine to die. No, that was cancer (and I’ve tried pleading with cancer many times, but always in vain). I was grateful I got to say goodbye to her in person, albeit illegally regarding the strict rules you‘ve forced our country to employ, but hearing of her inevitable passing actually happening still made me sad.

I know it’s not your doing either, COVID-19, that forced me to say goodbye to my dear pet Darwin, for that was a seizure. But it was painful all the more so since I wasn’t even allowed to hold him when the vet ended his suffering. Because of you.

And I know it’s also not your doing that caused my aunt to die, either. That was cancer striking again with its ever so terrible timing.

I know none of these happenings are your fault, Corona Virus, but you do make it worse. Because funerals and cremations are now a big no-go, as you might spread swiftly among the mourning people, causing more damage than their grief alone ever could.

You force invisible barriers between us and make it more painful to deal with Life’s already unfavourable events. You layer the hurt with more hurt.

What we have done to deserve you, I will never know. But I do know that you will not get me down! Because all the people I’ve lost this week, all the souls I’ll have to miss from now on, live on in my heart ❤

And there’s no place for you there, COVID-19! Instead of the fear you’ve unleashed upon this world, my heart is filled with hope, gratitude and love.

Forever ❤

 

 

For J., Darwin and G. ❤ ❤ ❤
Goals

GOAL POST (1) – Don’t You Just Love A Good Pun

  • Currently working on: Goal 1 – Feel Better

Goal post… Get it? I thought it was funny. Funniest thing that happened this week anyway.

Seems like every day something stressful happened and I am not sure this worked well on my goal to feel better. On the other hand: it did put some things in perspective.

  • Sunday – My stamina escaped to lordknowswhere (I reckon it’s taking a break from all the hard work it’s been put through this month), leaving me exhausted. Spent most of the day asleep on the sofa and watching TV, hoping Monday would be better…
  • Monday – Just as the F, the L and the U made their entrance into my train of thoughts (“Now THAT would make sense!”) I got home to find my father sick. Sick as in “his-friends-from-his-wood-chopping-class-called-the-paramedics-because-they-thought-he-had-a-heart-attack” sick. He didn’t have a heart attack, don’t worry. His organ of balance got, well, out of balance.
    I am 33 years old. In all those years, I have never seen my father ill! NEVER! So at this point, my stress levels picked up pace while ascending to their peak.
  • Tuesday -Nothing too exciting happened. My dad did a little better and I remained exhausted.

“Be brave enough to heal yourself, even when it hurts”Bianca Sparacino

  • Wednesday – When visiting an old client of mine I was negatively impressed by her state of health. Pneumonia, a severely bruised hip and loss of speech… All things she had been checked for (and is constantly being checked for), but it got to me.
    That evening, weeks after my last one, I got another one of my infamous attacks. Just as I started thinking I’d passed that stage, it came back… But it was different, somehow. No stomach lock-down and it didn’t last as long as its predecessors did. I am starting to think maybe the stress is a bigger incentive for these attacks than I care to admit.
  • Thursday – My pet gerbil Waldo has an inner ear infection for which he is being treated. But because I cant explain this to him, he keeps scratching his right ear in an attempt to make the itching and hurting stop on his own. All this scratching made him look like he escaped a gerbil horror movie, as right now it looks like half his face is gone! I found him, all bloodied up, in his cage and my stress meters immediately went berserk! I’ve now taped his hind leg so he can’t scratch (he still tries it!) and have added painkillers, cleaning sessions and honey creme to his list of medicine. How I am going to fix this, I am not sure… Worry Fest 2020 was now in full swing.
  • Friday – Today I learned my blood pressure is low. Which is kind of funny, because with all the stress you’d think it was so high you could climb it to pluck a few stars from the sky. But no, it’s low. It explains the exhaustion and the headaches and maybe even the attack, so for a strange reason I am happy about this.

I have set upon doing breathing exercises (at least) twice a day to help let go. I drink more in general, and licorice tea (yuck) in particular, and eat more salted snacks to up my blood pressure. When I feel worried, I visualise a beautiful colour or happy thought into the worries, to make them more bearable. I keep feeding my father tea and check up on Waldo every chance I get, knowing that even if he doesn’t like what I do to him, it will help him more than if I’d do nothing.

And I’ve stopped telling myself I don’t do enough to feel better.

Because I do ❤

How have you all been doing on your goals? Let me know in the comments! 🙂

Heart to Post

HEART TO POST – Little Things Can Make A Big Difference

“Little things mean a lot, appreciate what you got” Boys II Men (from: “Little Things”)

And so we meet again, Sh*tty Mood. You always surprise me by jumping me out of nowhere. Is it coincidence we meet right after I evicted (most members of) The Frustration Family? I doubt it.

I did the maths, Sh*tty Mood, and here’s how things are right now:

  • 85% of how I feel is due to my crap hormones. I knew they had a knack of making me miserable, unfortunately I underestimated them. But okay; nothing I can do besides sitting it out.
  • 10% of my feelings are made out of stress. Yes, the moment anyone uses the S-word, my stress metres run wild.

I mean Schiphol.

Schiphol is the largest airport of the Netherlands and the most hated place in my existence. It’s always crowded, noisy, and filled to the brim with owners of less patience than me.

Guess where I had to drop off my parents last Thursday. Uh-huh. Now guess where I’ll be picking them up again coming Saturday…

  • That leaves 5% to causes unknown for my guard to drop, although I suspect it’s got something to do with my hormones – why not just blame the whole lot on them, right?

I first noticed how bad a mood I was in when I visited the supermarket. During my hunt through this evil place (I can never find what I need! I swear they keep moving items around to drive customers insane, one hidden item at a time), my mood went from bad to worse.

Then the massive chocolate bar I had grabbed as a secret weapon against the thunder clouds slowly emerging above my head broke in half. My mood went from worse to downright terrible.

Also, a little side-note here. What’s happened to store clerks?? When I was one 17 years ago, we were instructed to greet every customer we saw. Bosses were very strict about this and would penalise the people who appeared lax: they got severely yelled at. Eventually, every store turned into a merry collection of hellos.
Today, I think I’ve passed at least a dozen clerks before making my way back home, and nobody as much as acknowledged I was alive. Is this the new normal?

With a broken chocolate bar, a bag too heavy to carry charmingly and both my cardigan and leather jacket wrapped around my waist  – WHY does the weather keep changing so drastically every ten minutes?? – I stumbled home.

I needed a drink. I needed a lot of (broken) chocolate. I needed my laptop, a comfy blanket and Breath of Fire. I needed the World to quiet down a little (or a lot), so I could wallow in my misery and wake up tomorrow without my Sh*tty Mood.

Instead I walked in and saw Waldo tearing up a cardboard box.

My Sh*tty Mood was gone.

Instant happiness ❤ That’s what my pets give me. No matter how awful I feel.

Boys II Men were right: little things mean a lot.

Waldo and Darwin sleeping it off after having shredded down a cardboard box
Waldo and Darwin sleeping it off after having shredded down a cardboard box

 

 

 

 

 


PS: WHOOT!

Thank you everyone who follows me! I can’t believe I’ve got 1,000 followers! ❤ I never thought I’d even have one! 🙂
Heart to Post

Heart Warmer

I don’t know about you, but I can use a good Heart Warmer this week! Pooh, all the stress, exhaustion and more stress of late got me, well, stressed. And exhausted. But news like this sure cheers me up!

You probably know by now I am a sucker for everything fluffy and fuzzy. And that not just pandas hold a special place in my heart, but rodents as well, considering my choice of pets.

I cannot explain how I felt when I read about Simon Dell and his incredible kind new hobby: building houses for mice:

Simon one day noticed a wild mouse in the back of his garden, with only a fence between him and some of his greatest enemies: cats. The wildlife photographer decided to guard the mouse by creating an impromptu house for it and naming him George. Simon also put some wire fencing around the already existing fence to ward off any other/future cats.

This mouse-friendly man soon started to build more and cuter homes for his newly found “mouse neighbourhood”, and more mice actually moved in! For fun, Simon kept adding more details to the mouse town, such as tiny laundry lines and dining tables. The mice don’t really care, but apparently it’s fun to see them “pop in and out”.

If I were a mouse, I’d know where to reside!

I wonder though… if I can get my dad to start making these houses for my gerbils… Now that would be awesome!

Thank you Simon, for this lovely idea and these amazing photos! ❤

 

 

 


If you want to read more about this mice-tastic story or learn more about Simon, George or the other mice, please go here

 

Status Update

About Inferiority Complexes, Stubborn Pets & Stressful Sisters

Status Update

It’s like I have the same song on repeat in my head, a broken record: I must blog more. I must make a new schedule. I must not fail.

I keep saying sorry for being too busy or too stressed and this, unfortunately, is nothing short of another such a message.

First things first…

Okay, so I have not yet conquered my inferiority complex. I thought I had, but I haven’t. And it made me feel very bad for the past couple of weeks, so bad I felt like throwing in the towel. What’s the point of trying to fight something that, eventually, keeps popping back up again?

Of course, I’ve already travelled a long, long way to get to where I am today. And just because I am not quite as near to the finish line as I thought I was, does it mean I should give up. It doesn’t. It was merely a wake-up call to show me I am not there yet, but I am on my way. So I need a breather and get my mindset back to positive. And this takes time away from blogging.

…And then there were…

Gerbils come with a lot of drama, did you know? For real though: they’re worse than cats or dogs.

One of my pet gerbils has managed to catch a wound below his left ear. It was nothing bigger than the prick of a needle in size, but the stupid animal kept scratching it open, enlarging the wound enormously. Seriously, it’s at least 15 times bigger now!

And nothing helps, either! The vet taped in his hind leg so he couldn’t use it to scratch, but by the time we got home Mister Darwin had already undone himself of that hindrance. So step two was to give him some kind of a neck brace, made out of an egg box:

Yeah… that lasted for about ten minutes. And in the mean time he keeps scratching at his wound! Every time it looks like it’s about to heal properly, Darwin scratches it back open and makes it worse!

My next move was to go back to the vet and get a honey-based cream, which is supposed to speed up the natural healing process. But the cream smells funny and makes the wound itch so… You get where I’m going with this, right?

Eventually, I gave Darwin another neck brace (this time one made of stretchable fabric and band-aid so I could adjust its size), as well as a taped-in hind leg. Result: after going through several lengths to get the neck brace off (one of them included faking to choke – not lying! He had more than enough room left to breathe, I checked), Darwin found out that if he just covered the band-aid with enough sand from his sand bath, the glue failed to work and voila! Easy escape.

After the neck brace his attention swiftly turned to his hind leg and I’m pretty sure he broke his own personal record at getting free.

Eventual result: Darwin now misses a few hairs in his neck and may or may not have gotten an accidental wax on his left hind leg from where he pulled free from his hind-leg-hindrance. His initial wound is still there, as annoying as ever, and he keeps scratching at it and making it bigger, while I am reluctant to give up and keep smearing honey balm on it.

I swear my gerbils are out to drive me crazy!

…And finally

Oh dear Universe… my eldest sister is a mess. She’s in a fight over custody of her children with her psycho ex, while simultaneously holding dinner parties, booking vacations, falling behind on her work, taking her kids to multiple museums on multiple days and hosting game nights with friends.

Did I tell you she’s already got a new boyfriend? No? How about adding to that I am the only person who knows about this? And that my parents are fully convinced she’s given up on men in general since her ex is such a narcissistic ***hole? And how I feel guilty towards my parents for not telling them, yet I refuse to tell them since it’s my sister’s business? (Plus I don’t want to be the one having to take in all the crap my parents will spill when they do find out).

The worries about my sister trouble the minds of my parents deeply. And mine, too. Double, actually, because on top of my own worries about the whole situation I am kindly delivered my parents’ worries as well. So my shoulders are double loaded.

Good thing my shoulders are awesome and strong.

Anyway, that’s the three main reasons why I’ve been slacking off on here, lately. I used to be so on top of things, not only writing frequently but also making sure to read up on everyone’s posts as well. I miss that 😦

I am sorry I don’t have the time for all that right now. I keep promising to better myself, but honestly I don’t know how to pick things up. I suppose that’s because I have other priorities right now. But fact is I love being on here, and I love the little community I feel part of, so I will be back.

Occasionally at first, probably. And hopefully full-time when things get better. I know they will 🙂