Status Update

STATUS UPDATE – Missed Me Much, Miss Me More

To all the people who don’t like me nagging about my health: here’s your chance to tune out now 😉

I hate nagging as much as you do, but sadly at this moment it’s the one thing that got me further into feeling better. There have been some changes in my life recently, some of which I am quite proud:

  1. First change (not good): for a while now I’ve been getting really sick on at least one day a week, regularly. Weird, huh? I say it’s the *whispers* hormones again, but I am no doctor so what do I know? All that I do know is that every Wednesday (and one Tuesday) since five weeks I get physically unwell to the extent that I can’t do anything but lie down and hope it goes away fast (which it never does). Nausea, stomach aches, bowels playing up… You name it, I’ve got it.  For hours on end. And every Wednesday…? 😮 That makes no sense at all, so I decided to call my gynaecologist. And GP.
  2. Second change (pretty good): I had an apppointment planned with my gynaecologist for January 2nd. When I called and explained my issues to her assistant, she told me my doctor really can’t see me until next year. What the heck? Instead of giving up, though, I decided to try something different: I kept nagging and pleading and talking and arguing until she relented and suddenly *found* an opening on November 20th. Hah! Thought this was good? Wait ’til you read what nagging brought me next:
  3. Third change (super good!): This Friday, I called my GP. On purpose, because I know she’s out on Fridays and I like her substitute better. But, unfortunately for me it appeared as if I was never going to make it past the firewall of assistents. The one who picked up the phone listened to my problems for a short while only to proceed by repeating to me: “We cannot help you with this. No, there’s nothing we can do.”
    Again, normally I would have given up, but this time I was relentless and kept going at her until she agreed to have the GP call me back later. My doctor did so and after explaining the whole story again to her, she said (directly translated quote): “You should have come in to see me, I could have run a few tests on you already.”I can’t describe how good it felt to tell her: “I tried, but your assistent wouldn’t let me. She said you couldn’t do anything for me.”Sometimes being a b*tch feels so great! 🙂

    Anyway, my doctor’s scheduled for tons of blood tests (“Basically just everything, plus the usual”). So I’ll have my blood taken on Monday and then meet my regular GP on (irony:) Wednesday to talk it all over.

Conclusion: my health is definitely not good. It comes and goes in waves, but every week it gets drastically worse for a day or two. Or three. And then picks up and starts all over.

I know people don’t believe me because it sounds like a bad joke: every Wednesday she gets sick? Yeah, right! The sad truth is that even I feel like it’s all in my head sometimes, until it happens again. On a Wednesday 😐 And by then I am crying from feeling helpless.

So right now, my main priority is getting better. I have “WP” written in my diary to remind me to post on WordPress, read all of your posts and, basically, appear alive altogether. But honestly, I am not up for it.

Still, I am happier than I’ve been these past five weeks! 🙂 Because I took a stand (or two) and am finally sticking up for myself. And I’m not done nagging to the right people, not until I am all well again.

I am sorry if I’m letting anyone down or dissapoint someone. I’m going to take an official break from WordPress, but hope to be back sooner than anyone can imagine 🙂

Miss you all ❤

Status Update

Beware! Updates Ahead

I had forgotten how much work it is to update a blog’s appearance… And how much fun at the same time! 🙂

I have yet to write a better welcome and make several more changes to Heart to Follow before I’ll be satisfied with the results, I am sure, but I am on my way.

See, bad weather is good for something! One tends to get very creative and in doorsy from it (plus it cools down the house).

Let’s hope the Dutch weather stays awful for the upcoming days, and this blog will be done in no time!

(Who am I kidding? It’s going to take me a while, but all things need to have a beginning).


 

 

Status Update

Pandabear With Me Again – Or Still

A small insight into my past couple of weeks:

  • My mother had dark urine and, needless to say, that immediately put everyone in my family right back on their toes: what if she’s got cancer again?  She went to our GP who sent her straight to the hospital for a series of check-ups. You know, just in case.
  • As the anxiety levels were rising in our family, I remembered I also had an appointment in hospital myself. Remember my hormone-issues? Well, let’s just say I sort of chose to provoke them before they had a chance to pester me again unexpectedly. Result: tests and check-ups to see where my issues are stemming from.
  • After several different (and futile) tests, my mother’s blood-in-urine-issues increased, also making her back and belly ache. Giant alarm clocks started ringing and I made her call her specialist, who immediately changed her final test and appointment from August 5th to July 1st. Why such a rush, my mind kept asking itself. What if she’s got cancer again?
  • Monday came and went, and after a long day of stress, the question on everyone’s mind was negatively answered: no, it’s not cancer! ❤ My mother appeared to have a tiny kidney stone, and since no one had anything better to do, she was scheduled in to have it pulverised the next day.
  • Tuesday came and went, but a little slower than Monday. If my mother seemed happy and vibrant even after the pulverisation of her kidney stone, she was the complete opposite after her painkillers wore off. I have NEVER in my life seen anyone in that much pain!! D: All the stories I ever heard of people with kidney stones dying of pure agony are true!
    Turns out the pulverisation worked wonders, but the kidney stone parts coming loose were a little less magical. Worst part: nobody gave my mother strong painkillers to take home! Imagine my level of pissed-off-ness as I phoned the hospital while my mother kept busy with throwing out her dinner and being completely miserable.
    After over an hour of phoning, being redirected and nearly threatening people, I managed to get some heavier painkillers for my mum than freaking paracetamole. Poor her. And yay me. I didn’t know I had it in me, but as it turns out I do have a bitch-switch. So be warned. I am not easy!
  • After what’s probably the worst night in the history of my mother (luckily when I’m asleep I am ASLEEP) in which she spent more than one moment in the bathroom being sick and in agony again (with my dad comforting her), I had to go to hospital myself. The last time I was there, they did an internal ultrasound on my uterus, which I hadn’t been quite prepared for at the time, and after not finding anything due to my meds, they promised to redo the examination 3 months later. Which was now. Fully prepared, and with a huge feeling of reluctance hanging over me, I went back. After spending 20 minutes in the waiting area the doctor called me in. For a chat. I was back out again 5 minutes later, nothing done.
    Strangely, this all gave me a familiar feeling of not being taken seriously and everyone just trying to get me on something hormonal again to stop my misery, but only temporarily. I felt upset. And I refuse to let this thing run that course again. So, I am going to do what my doctor told me to do, which is map out my complaints when they start again. And then I am going to moan and complain and bitch until she helps me decently. Remember that bitch-switch? I am happy I found I have it. Watch me bite your head off next time you try to help me by not helping me *growl*

And now my stress is leaving my body. I’ve been building it up inside for a while and now I can “relax”, I feel I am exhausted again, can’t find any sort of motivation to do anything, not even the fun things, and all I want to do is watch TV and eat chocolate.

Oh, by the way, I also apparently overstretched my groin by taking on a “daily 7 minute work-out challenge” as my monthly goal. Ouch! It’s not too bad, but raising my right leg up does make my groin sting, so I am advised to not work out and take my rest.

I blame the hormones. I bet they know what I’m up to and they’re gearing up for battle…

Anyway, that’s what’s been keeping me busy lately. This week, so far, I’ve done nothing productive! Due to holidays and vacations, I’ve only worked 2 days and the rest was just me, TV and chocolate. But I need it.

I need my time to build strength. Just now I did an eye-opening visualisation exercise and it did make some things extremely clear. And reading and binge-watching anything that moves on my dad’s new TV screen (it’s huge, but he needed it to “be able to read the subtitles”. Don’t ask.) has helped me clear my mind as to what I want with Heart to Follow. Do I want to stop blogging? Nope. Do I want to continue the way I am blogging now? Nope.

So changes are afoot. Again. But I think everything is going to be good and positive.

I hope you’re all doing wonderful and thank you for being patient with me, for so many times, for so long already. ❤ ❤

 

 

 


 

Status Update

About Inferiority Complexes, Stubborn Pets & Stressful Sisters

Status Update

It’s like I have the same song on repeat in my head, a broken record: I must blog more. I must make a new schedule. I must not fail.

I keep saying sorry for being too busy or too stressed and this, unfortunately, is nothing short of another such a message.

First things first…

Okay, so I have not yet conquered my inferiority complex. I thought I had, but I haven’t. And it made me feel very bad for the past couple of weeks, so bad I felt like throwing in the towel. What’s the point of trying to fight something that, eventually, keeps popping back up again?

Of course, I’ve already travelled a long, long way to get to where I am today. And just because I am not quite as near to the finish line as I thought I was, does it mean I should give up. It doesn’t. It was merely a wake-up call to show me I am not there yet, but I am on my way. So I need a breather and get my mindset back to positive. And this takes time away from blogging.

…And then there were…

Gerbils come with a lot of drama, did you know? For real though: they’re worse than cats or dogs.

One of my pet gerbils has managed to catch a wound below his left ear. It was nothing bigger than the prick of a needle in size, but the stupid animal kept scratching it open, enlarging the wound enormously. Seriously, it’s at least 15 times bigger now!

And nothing helps, either! The vet taped in his hind leg so he couldn’t use it to scratch, but by the time we got home Mister Darwin had already undone himself of that hindrance. So step two was to give him some kind of a neck brace, made out of an egg box:

Yeah… that lasted for about ten minutes. And in the mean time he keeps scratching at his wound! Every time it looks like it’s about to heal properly, Darwin scratches it back open and makes it worse!

My next move was to go back to the vet and get a honey-based cream, which is supposed to speed up the natural healing process. But the cream smells funny and makes the wound itch so… You get where I’m going with this, right?

Eventually, I gave Darwin another neck brace (this time one made of stretchable fabric and band-aid so I could adjust its size), as well as a taped-in hind leg. Result: after going through several lengths to get the neck brace off (one of them included faking to choke – not lying! He had more than enough room left to breathe, I checked), Darwin found out that if he just covered the band-aid with enough sand from his sand bath, the glue failed to work and voila! Easy escape.

After the neck brace his attention swiftly turned to his hind leg and I’m pretty sure he broke his own personal record at getting free.

Eventual result: Darwin now misses a few hairs in his neck and may or may not have gotten an accidental wax on his left hind leg from where he pulled free from his hind-leg-hindrance. His initial wound is still there, as annoying as ever, and he keeps scratching at it and making it bigger, while I am reluctant to give up and keep smearing honey balm on it.

I swear my gerbils are out to drive me crazy!

…And finally

Oh dear Universe… my eldest sister is a mess. She’s in a fight over custody of her children with her psycho ex, while simultaneously holding dinner parties, booking vacations, falling behind on her work, taking her kids to multiple museums on multiple days and hosting game nights with friends.

Did I tell you she’s already got a new boyfriend? No? How about adding to that I am the only person who knows about this? And that my parents are fully convinced she’s given up on men in general since her ex is such a narcissistic ***hole? And how I feel guilty towards my parents for not telling them, yet I refuse to tell them since it’s my sister’s business? (Plus I don’t want to be the one having to take in all the crap my parents will spill when they do find out).

The worries about my sister trouble the minds of my parents deeply. And mine, too. Double, actually, because on top of my own worries about the whole situation I am kindly delivered my parents’ worries as well. So my shoulders are double loaded.

Good thing my shoulders are awesome and strong.

Anyway, that’s the three main reasons why I’ve been slacking off on here, lately. I used to be so on top of things, not only writing frequently but also making sure to read up on everyone’s posts as well. I miss that 😦

I am sorry I don’t have the time for all that right now. I keep promising to better myself, but honestly I don’t know how to pick things up. I suppose that’s because I have other priorities right now. But fact is I love being on here, and I love the little community I feel part of, so I will be back.

Occasionally at first, probably. And hopefully full-time when things get better. I know they will 🙂

 

Status Update

A Very Quick And Frustrated Status Update


Do you know that feeling when you have to say goodbye to something, or someone, yet you really don’t want to?

Last week, my beloved Acer with Windows 7 and a similar old version of everything Office-related, decided it was time for retirement. I know, it’s sad. But I have to admit that my poor old (and its even a grey one) laptop served me very well for nearly 9 (!) years. So I reckon it is justified that it has decided it no longer wants to run fast, load pages like it used to, be a little distracted now and then, making everything freeze up…

I felt a little… like a betrayer as I used my dear Acer to buy its own replacement, yet also a little excited, because everything new is good, right?

NO IT ISN’T!!

I just spent two whole days trying to get that stupid Windows 10 to work FOR me instead of AGAINST me and I swear it’s a conspiracy of Microsoft to drive innocent people like me crazy as fast as possible!

And then when I thought I had it figured out, my Outlook went all psycho on me, and with Windows 10 and Outlook ganging up on me together, it’s needless to say the battle took hours.

But I persevered (do I ever give up?). I broke down the total AAAAAARGHHHHHHHHH Windows 10 Start Up Menu, who kept changing back to default after I’d adjusted it (read: after I spent ages adjusting it, hoping I’d end up enjoying it after all). I also broke down Outlook’s barriers by channeling my inner nerd and with a little (read: A LOT of) aid from Google.

I think I am okay now. I think.

Not sure yet. But… I am no longer screaming and desperate to throw my new Acer out of the window. After two days of owning it.

Adjusting can be difficult. What would make transitions like these easier, are programs that actually work as promised!

Anyway, the real reason I wanted to write this post was to let you all know I am still alive, yet a little less active than normal. I am not only stuck in transition laptop-wise, but also writing-posts-wise and job-wise. Seems like things are picking up for my coaching business, which is good, but also takes a lot of time. And that leads to me wanting to make a new, less-stressful posting schedule. Which I’ll get to if freaking Windows 10 will just stop playing games with me.

So you see: everything is connected in life. “In a circle, in a hoop that never ends.”

For now, here is a lovely video to help calm your nerves (in case you are also at war with Windows 10 and/or Outlook):