Letters to Life

Letters to Life (63)

“My only competition is the person I was yesterday”Unknown

Dear Life,

Psychology class taught me about conflict theory and its division of people into two groups: the one is focused on cooperaton working together towards something, being a part of a team. The other is competition based and its members strive only to always be the best, regardless of others.

I believe, Life, that even in pretending I was cooperative, I’ve spent the majority of you being the opposite, desperately trying to be the best at something, just so someone would acknowledge my talents, my worth, my sole existence.

Everything was a competition to me which, in my eyes,  I was constantly failing. This made me try even harder to gain everyone’s (or just someone’s) respect, turning you into a vicious circle of failure, Life.

This week I met someone who’s a lot like the me from twenty years ago: always keen to shower anyone and everything with never-asked-for-and-seldomly-accurate-wisdom, pressuring for others to believe their words so as to elevate everyone’s opinion of them.

This encounter reminded me that somewhere in my past, Life, I’ve strayed from my base camp and have found solace on the other side of competition. Thankfully, I liked the ambience here much better, as now, years later, being cooperative keeps rewarding me with growing amounts of inner peace.

There’s less fighting, there’s less frustration, there’s less seriousness. There’s much more room for fun, laughter, and, most importantly: others.

If psychology is right on this one, I feel I am on the better team now. There’s more people willing to help each other out, and even if you don’t excel at something (or anything), there’s acceptance and kindness all around.

Being competitive is a lonely walk and I thank you for leading me the opposite way.

You and I, Life. That’s teamwork.


 

 

Are you competitive or cooperative? Let me know in the comments (or write a better blog post about this topic) 😉 ↓↓

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (62)

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we can fear less”Marie Curie

Dear Life,

Every Friday we list all of our successes in my new coaching community.

This week, Life, I felt I had none to share.

As I struggle to make social media work in my favour, everything I do turns around to slap me in the face. It’s gotten to a point where Facebook is starting to feel eerily like my high school: no matter how hard I try to fit in, I simply don’t.

In high school I would try to copy “normal” others so they would like me (or at least leave me be), yet the results were a saddening divide in attention received: where they would be showered with positivity, I’d find myself a lonely 180 degrees away from that exposure.

Social media in general leaves me with a bitter taste in my mouth and a headache to accompany my frustrations. I honestly don’t see the appeal of it, yet I realise I need it to grow a successful business.

As I shared my issues on my community’s page, several advises were given. All very well-meant, none very well-useful…

(If I state I hate social media, I think the worst thing to advise me is to “try Instagram.” I could be wrong, but I don’t think that’ll fix it)

Eventually, my business coach replied: “There are other marketing ways to explore which we’ll dig into soon. For now, take some time away from social media so as to not raise an aversion to it.”

That reminded me of something else, Life: my tendency to move too fast, skipping a few steps along the way.

Maybe I am different than most others, but if you taught me anything, Life, I know that when I do find my way, there’s no stopping me!

And that is my biggest success this week.

 

 

 

 

Let’s see if WordPress people are more eager to comment 😉 What were your successes this week? List them below ↓↓

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (61)

“Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men”John F. Kennedy

Dear Life,

I couldn’t help but notice how great an analogy baking a cake is for living your life or pursuing your dreams.

You see, as I added more ingredients, the mix became stickier and harder to whisk. At one point I even thought my hand mixer would give up altogether. But I persevered, because I knew I had yet to add my secret ingredient: my separately whisked egg whites.

Eggs are a fundamental ingredient to cake, but simply adding them is not adventurous at all. The trick is to split the yolks from the egg whites and beat the latter stiff, adding them at the very end of your cake-baking by gently stirring them into your mixture.

I could tell you why, but this letter is not really about baking cakes. It’s about you, Life, being just like baking cakes: people who go through you doing things “according to the book”, will never get any spectacular results. Their lives will be a lot like everyone else doing the same things in the same manners.

However, if you choose to stray a little from the beaten path, persevere even when things get tough, you’ll end up with something amazing instead.

For a split second I doubted my trick, as the mixture was very difficult to stir. It felt a lot like trying to get my business to become a success, which feels hopeless right now. The ironic similarity, Life, did not escape me.

But then the egg whites did their job and smoothed everything out, just as expected. The cake turned out super light and fluffy and I was reminded once again: if you want success, you have to work for it.

Trust your own abilities.

And your own secret ingredient ❤

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (60)

“Sometimes it is better to lose something than to never have had it at all”Random Paper Wisdom

Dear Life Corona Virus,

What IS your problem, exactly? What have I, or any other living creature, ever done to you to be treated this way?

I know it’s not your doing that caused a dear client of mine to die. No, that was cancer (and I’ve tried pleading with cancer many times, but always in vain). I was grateful I got to say goodbye to her in person, albeit illegally regarding the strict rules you‘ve forced our country to employ, but hearing of her inevitable passing actually happening still made me sad.

I know it’s not your doing either, COVID-19, that forced me to say goodbye to my dear pet Darwin, for that was a seizure. But it was painful all the more so since I wasn’t even allowed to hold him when the vet ended his suffering. Because of you.

And I know it’s also not your doing that caused my aunt to die, either. That was cancer striking again with its ever so terrible timing.

I know none of these happenings are your fault, Corona Virus, but you do make it worse. Because funerals and cremations are now a big no-go, as you might spread swiftly among the mourning people, causing more damage than their grief alone ever could.

You force invisible barriers between us and make it more painful to deal with Life’s already unfavourable events. You layer the hurt with more hurt.

What we have done to deserve you, I will never know. But I do know that you will not get me down! Because all the people I’ve lost this week, all the souls I’ll have to miss from now on, live on in my heart ❤

And there’s no place for you there, COVID-19! Instead of the fear you’ve unleashed upon this world, my heart is filled with hope, gratitude and love.

Forever ❤

 

 

For J., Darwin and G. ❤ ❤ ❤
Goals

GOAL POST (4) – Step 2: Be Realistic

  • CURRENTLY WORKING ON: Goal 1 – Feel Better


Step 2 – Be Realistic

As I pick up the phone my heart picks up its pace. I really don’t want to do this. Every fibre in my being is telling me to hang up while I still can, retreat NOW.

Well, every fibre but one: my common sense.

I know it takes more than a few people implying I am going crazy to actually go crazy, yet I can’t help but fear today’s attempted visit to the doctor’s office will result in just another let-down. Toss it onto the pile of disappointment: you will never feel better, we won’t help you.

Why was I doing this again? Why did I get my hopes up despite knowing better?

Oof, no time to answer that as the fake chirpy voice of the doctor’s assistant pulls me back into reality (I know it’s fake chirpy because last time I called she refused me an appointment and we got caught in an argument – remember?).

So last blog post I felt better and made a new blogging schedule. Then I started feeling worse and failed to follow that schedule. What else is new?

I’ll tell you what is: I relented. I promised myself no more doctor visits yet there I was, with my phone representing my last resort as I pressed the call-button, hoping nobody would be in, while at the same time crossing my fingers for the opposite.


“Bamboo is flexible, bending with the wind but never breaking, capable of adapting to any circumstance”Ping Fu


Here is the joke: even if everyone is telling you that you are imagining things, that you need to stop acting as if you’ve got the lead in a drama: listen to yourself.

If things do not feel okay, you have every right to find out what’s causing your issues, no matter who’s screaming louder than you that you’re feigning it.

And if you’re like me: relentless, maybe a little too headstrong for your own good, it’s the same voice you need to listen to. If in reality you’re fighting a battle you can’t possibly win without some help: get help. There’s no need to keep your guard up so high: it’s you who’s talking to you. Listening alone won’t harm you.

I spent weeks being exhausted, dizzy (to the extent of not being able to stand or walk), light-headed and in the company of constant headaches. Not to mention my practically sub-zero blood pressure.

I imagined it was my iron running low (it’s happened before) and that I’d be able to fix it myself with extra supplements.

I was wrong.

Unwilling to be realistic about this, I kept struggling for a few weeks more until I had to face the truth: I need help to get through this.

Tomorrow I’m going to have some blood taken. In the end, my doctor decided not only to check for low iron, but for a hormone marker as well.

Which just goes to show: if I had denied myself this doctor visit, I’d never have gotten any wiser as to what’s really bothering me.

Choosing yourself doesn’t mean you have to do everything yourself. Stay realistic about your situation and ask for help if you need it.

Are you stubborn, too, or do you easily ask for help? Let me know in the comments! ↓↓↓