Letters to Life

Letters to Life (60)

“Sometimes it is better to lose something than to never have had it at all”Random Paper Wisdom

Dear Life Corona Virus,

What IS your problem, exactly? What have I, or any other living creature, ever done to you to be treated this way?

I know it’s not your doing that caused a dear client of mine to die. No, that was cancer (and I’ve tried pleading with cancer many times, but always in vain). I was grateful I got to say goodbye to her in person, albeit illegally regarding the strict rules you‘ve forced our country to employ, but hearing of her inevitable passing actually happening still made me sad.

I know it’s not your doing either, COVID-19, that forced me to say goodbye to my dear pet Darwin, for that was a seizure. But it was painful all the more so since I wasn’t even allowed to hold him when the vet ended his suffering. Because of you.

And I know it’s also not your doing that caused my aunt to die, either. That was cancer striking again with its ever so terrible timing.

I know none of these happenings are your fault, Corona Virus, but you do make it worse. Because funerals and cremations are now a big no-go, as you might spread swiftly among the mourning people, causing more damage than their grief alone ever could.

You force invisible barriers between us and make it more painful to deal with Life’s already unfavourable events. You layer the hurt with more hurt.

What we have done to deserve you, I will never know. But I do know that you will not get me down! Because all the people I’ve lost this week, all the souls I’ll have to miss from now on, live on in my heart ❤

And there’s no place for you there, COVID-19! Instead of the fear you’ve unleashed upon this world, my heart is filled with hope, gratitude and love.

Forever ❤

 

 

For J., Darwin and G. ❤ ❤ ❤
Letters to Life

Letters to Life (59)

“What comes up, must come down. But you and me, we’re floating above the ground”Mika (from: Stay High)


Dear Life,

After months of looking forward to it, February 13th was finally there: Mika’s concert in the Netherlands!

I can’t say I am a huge fan, Life, because you and me both know I am too lazy practical to spend a whole lot of time figuring this man’s life out (nor do I really care that much), but I do very much appreciate his music and live shows.

His latest album had been living inside my CD player for months, which was my most active attempt at getting his new songs down in time before the gig.

It’s just a little disappointing that I lost my voice a day before. But I reckon squealing along is better than sitting at home crying.

Mika’s show ended up teaching me a valuable lesson (or two) as well:

First, Life, I did not know it was humanly possible to have so much fun. Or maybe I forgot. People from all ages, cultural backgrounds and social statuses came together to have a blast – which we did. For one night, for a few hours, none of it mattered. We were all alike. Problem-, worry-, and hate-free.

Second, after searching the web for pictures of the show afterwards (I am always too lazy busy singing and dancing to take any myself), I accidentally found out Mika’s mother is ill. Very ill. Not-sure-she’s-going-to-make-it-ill.

If I was amazed at his performances before, I’m even more so now. For I can slightly imagine the horrors he must be facing, since my mother’s been there, too.

Which is exactly why I closed off my internet immediately, ran to my mum and held her.

She’s here still. I have her. I’ll lose her one day, but not today.

Enjoy yourself, but never take anything for granted ❤

Or, in Mika’s words: “Love today.”

 

 

 

 

Heart to Post

HEART TO POST – From A Secret Admirer To Her Secret Cellist: A Lyrical Letter

“One good thing about music: when it hits you, you feel no pain”Bob Marley

Dear secret cellist hiding in my street: you need to practice more.

Your notes sound off-tune and you cannot play a recognisable song decently. The force behind your strokes is unbalanced and they often sound weak, as if you miss the willpower to show your musical instrument who’s in charge. The melodies you play are too light and easily hide behind the Summer winds or go astray in the Autumn skies, fleeing upwards, eager to escape their earthbound destiny.

And their destiny, I am sure, is to make my heart beat with happiness.

Hearing you play makes me want to close my eyes in silent rejoice, letting your music fill my soul with an instant happiness and a gratefulness for being under your spell.

The colours of your music find their way into my head and heart, pushing out every bad memory of the day, week or even the year. For when I hear you practice, I lose track of my burdens and my only desire is to enjoy!

To me, it doesn’t matter you restart countless times in order to get it right. It doesn’t bother me that the music notes coming my way are muffled through numerous walls or are impurified by traffic noise in the background. The sweet sound of your cello makes up for everything. Even if it’s merely a hint, a glimmer I catch of it, it leaves me longing for more.

The first time I heard you practice was on a lovely Summer day and I can’t descrive how delighted I was when I first recognised the deep, warm sounds of your cello. You made my day perfect and I was quick enough to discard my book, lean back and close my eyes, thinking only how lucky I was for having someone who would undoubtedly play my favourite instrument often and make my heart sing equally frequently.

However, the second time I heard you practice was only a few days ago. Through my bathroom wall the faint remainders of the notes you must have been playing a few doors down waltzed in. I don’t even remember what I was doing, because the moment my ears picked up on your exercise, that’s all that mattered. Pure joy.

It’s the simplest things in life that cause the most happiness and you working to grow your talent is one of my happy flaws, I am ready to admit.

So yes, your notes are unbalanced and your strokes sound weak. Your melodies easily escape into thin air, but they are never quick enough to escape my ears. And even if you have a long, long road ahead of you of becoming better and better still, I like what I hear. I like how you make me feel.

Unknowingly, you make me a happier person. And there is always room for more happiness in my life. Therefore, I appeal to you:

Dear secret cellist hiding in my street: you need to practice more.

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (58)

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you”Random Paper Wisdom (quote is from Walt Whitman)

Dear Life,

After a pulled right groin muscle and a possible inflamed nerve in my left index finger, both which seem reluctant to heal any time soon, I now also face a very likely case of heel spur (if my online translation device is correct – if not: OUCH with every step. You get the picture).

And have I mentioned my sore back, increased moments drenched in migraines and a stomach that just won’t settle? That actually decided to play up during a concert I looked forward to for months, forcing me out early?

Surely I’ve scolded you for making the flu come, go and return, Life, because I’ve just about had it with that virus! And what’s up with my kidneys lately? What kind of game are they playing with my bladder, tricking me into thinking I need to go yet there’s nothing to let go of?

Yes, I am unhappy with my current state of physical affairs. But what worries me most is that I find it harder and harder to see the sunny side, Life. To believe it’s all temporary. That “this too, shall pass.” That all the kind words I use on my friends are lost when it comes to my mirror image.

Today, despite the pain in my heel, I went for a walk. To take in the sunlight and the flair of Fall. To get my thoughts sorted out and my mood lifted.

I felt a little hard-headed at first, but in the end I succeeded. A little.

I might not be in a happy place right now, Life, but I know I will be. Things will get better – eventually. And when they do, I’ll appreciate them more than I would today if nothing was wrong.

For despite all the nagging and my sub zero mood, Life, I am not ready to give up on you yet 🙂

 

PS: I know I am in generally good health and should not complain, but I felt upset after this… build up of physical issues. I just wanted to blurt it out, sum it up, and move on. I hope you can forgive me for my slightly negative perspective on life lately. This was why. I need time to heal (that’s literally all my doctor keeps saying: “it will heal, but it takes time”) and have a little faith restored; trust in a positive outcome. I’ve just been a little impatient, that’s all 🙂
I hope you are all in good health ❤
Letters to Life

Letters to Life (57)

“I realise I hold my own destiny in my hands, like a sculptor with a rock that he’s going to chisel into shape”Random Paper Wisdom

Dear Life,

The magic of Saturday made me wish for more days like that, yet at the same time found me grateful for their scarcity. Because that makes them much the most special.

My family is busy and chaotic but every year we manage to find a spot in everyone’s agendas for a family get-together, usually at a theme park.

With my nephew and nieces around, I tend to forget I am not good with children or how awkward I am around them; every silly thing I do is warmly welcomed by the whole lot.

So much so, that I even got away with child abduction, Life! Albeit for just a little while… 😉

We had finished our lunch and were lazily making our way over to the next ride. I thought having my two nieces with me – one by each hand – would slow me down (especially because there was a fair amount of skipping involved) and I figured the rest would catch up with us in no time.

However, while twirling around  for what felt like forever in what I considered was a rather aggressive giant tea cup, panic started to rise: where were the others? Were they really going to leave me alone with two children?

But then the youngest of them giggled her contagious I-am-having-SO-much-fun laugh while the other got comfortable by putting up her legs on the seat and resting her head on my chest, and I couldn’t help but smile at this stolen moment, Life.

And the best part: yesterday was filled with such moments! With all three of them.

With one more on the way (my middle sister is due in December – nope, don’t expect me to reproduce) I am already looking forward to our family outing next year. And the next. And the next. And the… And…