Letters to Life

Letters to Life (58)

“Keep your face always toward the sunshine – and shadows will fall behind you”Random Paper Wisdom (quote is from Walt Whitman)

Dear Life,

After a pulled right groin muscle and a possible inflamed nerve in my left index finger, both which seem reluctant to heal any time soon, I now also face a very likely case of heel spur (if my online translation device is correct – if not: OUCH with every step. You get the picture).

And have I mentioned my sore back, increased moments drenched in migraines and a stomach that just won’t settle? That actually decided to play up during a concert I looked forward to for months, forcing me out early?

Surely I’ve scolded you for making the flu come, go and return, Life, because I’ve just about had it with that virus! And what’s up with my kidneys lately? What kind of game are they playing with my bladder, tricking me into thinking I need to go yet there’s nothing to let go of?

Yes, I am unhappy with my current state of physical affairs. But what worries me most is that I find it harder and harder to see the sunny side, Life. To believe it’s all temporary. That “this too, shall pass.” That all the kind words I use on my friends are lost when it comes to my mirror image.

Today, despite the pain in my heel, I went for a walk. To take in the sunlight and the flair of Fall. To get my thoughts sorted out and my mood lifted.

I felt a little hard-headed at first, but in the end I succeeded. A little.

I might not be in a happy place right now, Life, but I know I will be. Things will get better – eventually. And when they do, I’ll appreciate them more than I would today if nothing was wrong.

For despite all the nagging and my sub zero mood, Life, I am not ready to give up on you yet 🙂

 

PS: I know I am in generally good health and should not complain, but I felt upset after this… build up of physical issues. I just wanted to blurt it out, sum it up, and move on. I hope you can forgive me for my slightly negative perspective on life lately. This was why. I need time to heal (that’s literally all my doctor keeps saying: “it will heal, but it takes time”) and have a little faith restored; trust in a positive outcome. I’ve just been a little impatient, that’s all 🙂
I hope you are all in good health ❤
Letters to Life

Letters to Life (57)

“I realise I hold my own destiny in my hands, like a sculptor with a rock that he’s going to chisel into shape”Random Paper Wisdom

Dear Life,

The magic of Saturday made me wish for more days like that, yet at the same time found me grateful for their scarcity. Because that makes them much the most special.

My family is busy and chaotic but every year we manage to find a spot in everyone’s agendas for a family get-together, usually at a theme park.

With my nephew and nieces around, I tend to forget I am not good with children or how awkward I am around them; every silly thing I do is warmly welcomed by the whole lot.

So much so, that I even got away with child abduction, Life! Albeit for just a little while… 😉

We had finished our lunch and were lazily making our way over to the next ride. I thought having my two nieces with me – one by each hand – would slow me down (especially because there was a fair amount of skipping involved) and I figured the rest would catch up with us in no time.

However, while twirling around  for what felt like forever in what I considered was a rather aggressive giant tea cup, panic started to rise: where were the others? Were they really going to leave me alone with two children?

But then the youngest of them giggled her contagious I-am-having-SO-much-fun laugh while the other got comfortable by putting up her legs on the seat and resting her head on my chest, and I couldn’t help but smile at this stolen moment, Life.

And the best part: yesterday was filled with such moments! With all three of them.

With one more on the way (my middle sister is due in December – nope, don’t expect me to reproduce) I am already looking forward to our family outing next year. And the next. And the next. And the… And…

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (56)

“You should use your fist rather to laugh into, than to hit something with”Random Paper Wisdom (quote is from Herman Brusselmans)


Dear Life,

Frustration… Is there anything worse to experience emotion-wise? Is there anything more useless to experience emotion-wise?

Actually, don’t answer that last one. Before you know it I’ll start one of my “jealousy is the most futile emotion in the world”-rants. Best to steer clear from that, Life, otherwise I’ll end up feeling more frustrated than I do already.

Frustration pokes its head up the second things don’t go as planned. Where other emotions at least have the decency to bang on your door for a while before breaking through, frustration is rude. And cunning: it simply climbs a window. Before you know it, it’s taken over your mind completely and you didn’t even see it come in!

The emotion is hard to beat, because it knows no stopping! It keeps coming back around, bringing along family members, filling up every available millimetre of your head and wearing you out. The worst part: it won’t even go away after you’ve acknowledged its existence! How unfair. All other emotions do.

I am frustrated, Life. Mainly it’s due to my happy hormones. They all seem to be raving inside my body. I suspect they’re out looking for more ways to taunt me besides bloating me up waist down.

Frustration has also invited one of its cousins to the party inside my head as I feel upset about my fitness burn-out, too. They kind of work well together: the party starter is making me feel upset over gaining useless wait, the cousin for not being able to work it off.

I know the only thing I need is time for this all to pass and for me to stop beating myself down. All I can do is sit and wait for the Frustration Family to move out.

And then quickly change the locks.

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (55)

I seek peace within and not outside of myself. When I have found inner peace, I will not yearn for anything or reject anythingRandom Paper Wisdom


Dear Life,

The problem is I’m not really ambitious about anything. Except running. I know I am not a good enough runner to win any kind of competition, but I am ambitious in the sense that I want to improve myself. Running is easier to train and get better at faster than a lot of other things, Life.

My goal was to be able to run 7.5k and my training started off great! I impressed myself with hitting 7k as early as April this year.

Take in mind I started from a solid 5.5k basis and had given myself three months for every 500 metres increase. So April was better than I could have imagined! I felt sure I’d be running 7.5k easily long before December would knock on my door.

Unfortunately, you decided otherwise.

After hitting 7k two weeks straight, I experienced a major relapse as my body suddenly refused to make it past a meagre 5k.

Time to reconsider: go back to 5k and build up from there. For a while, this seemed to work and I crawled back to a shaky 6k.

The past four weeks I haven’t been able to hit my target distances, Life. My breathing is off and my mindset is rotten; I am not enjoying myself, because I know I’m incapable of hitting my goals.

Apparently, this happens to more people and they have a name for it: sports burn-out.

I assume this is your way of telling me to slow down and rekindle my running fire. Not by chasing high goals, but by going back to the basics and learning to enjoy my runs again.

Because in the end, that’s your most important lesson, Life: enjoy yourself. Be in the moment.

It’s good to strive for greatness, except when it makes you lose your appreciation.

Thank you!

 

 

 

 

 

Letters to Life

Letters to Life (54)

“If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of”Random Paper Wisdom (quote is from Bruce Lee)


Dear Life,

Recently, I have been struggling with finding my place and meaning in you, and what bothered me most was my sad excuse for a job.

I know, it pays the bills, but after cleaning houses for years on end, can you blame me for starting to find my work boring?

Then something changed. I am not sure what, exactly, but one day I was screening the internet for the best offer on Rhodiola Rosea Root (which worked magic during my Winter Depression), the next day this apparent solution became futile faster than sunshine can melt snow.

Why? I meditated.

I know, Life, it sounds so simple. But the thing is, I got stuck again in my ways. It happens so often that it’s nearly becoming an MO! I find difficulty in recognising I am malfunctioning, though, that’s why it took me a while before I realised what was wrong.

My “being stuck”-feeling this time was based on the thought that, by default, every peer was doing better than me handling you, Life.

So what broke the spell? Self-compassion. I felt the anger I have inside me towards myself for not being more like my peers, for failing, for being “unsuccessful”. When I grabbed that anger and forgave myself for being a “loser”, I felt it subside.

Self-compassion teaches you to live in the here and now, accept that as a human you are, per definition, imperfect. And most importantly: it teaches you to be kind to yourself.

Three things I didn’t realise I was in desperate need of, Life.

If Bruce Lee is right and time is all we have, then I don’t want to waste mine pouting over everything I don’t have. I want to celebrate you, Life, and everything you offer me.

Be kind, be good. Be happy.

Thank you ❤