About What’s Old & What’s New

I am sorry I haven’t been around much lately. Even more sorry because I did try to pick up blogging on a regular basis…

Fun fact is I actually succeeded at that! With my business blog, that is.

I know it’s in Dutch, but I’ve got a Google Translate plugin installed (that you can find in the footer). If you want to know what I’m up to writing-wise, you can find me here.

I blog 3 times a week for that, and it’s left me with little time for my personal blog.

But when I think about quitting this one altogether, it makes me want to cry. So I won’t.

Quit, I mean. Nor cry.

I’ll just be in and out for the moment until I find a pace that works for me.

Who know, maybe in 10 years… 😉

In the mean time, here’s what’s old and new in my life:

What’s Old?

• Still can’t find the right discipline to blog regularly… Sorry!
• Still can’t find the time to read up on everyone’s blog regularly… Even more sorry!
• Still single and living at home… Very sorry for me, more eager to change this, however
• Still hooked on Story Of Seasons, Friend Of Mineral Town
• Still mad about pandas ♥♥♥
• Still fighting with Elementor -_- (Always, as always…)
• Still cleaning, still a life coach, still building my business
• Still crazy, in a good way. I feel I am somewhat like Douglas Adams’ description of Earth: mostly harmless.

What’s New?

• I am OFF Facebook! 😀 FOREVER! Woohoo!
• I have got 2 more clients and several requests about online trainings – guess what I’ll be creating this year to expand my “coaching empire”.
• I have contacted Quiet, a local organisation that helps fight poverty. I want to help out at least 3 charities this year. Because even if I barely have any money to spare, I do have time. Well, a little, haha. But enough to share. This Thursday I’ll be meeting with someone to see if and how I can help.
• I am now also hooked on Cluedo online. Through Steam. Seriously: anyone who wants to play with me: PLEASE send me a friend request (I am 2 seconds away from actually begging you to)! My Steam name is Queen S (naturally, lol!), not sure if that’s enough. But leave a comment here ↓ and I’ll find you 😊 (Spoiler alert: I am half-decent at Clue. I win about 50% of the time).
• I discovered that amidst all this COVID-19 madness, I forgot there’s also something out there called the flu. Gotcha! Well: “Had-ya!” more like… Let’s say my Christmas (and New Year’s) were more snotty than white -_-

To close this off, last week I read about a new thing: picking a word of the year for yourself instead of making resolutions.

I’ve thought about this for a while and then my mail arrived.

As a reward for myself, I ordered two CD’s of my favourite artists (yes, I am old skool. Get over it or get out 😉).

One of them was Sheppard’s latest album.

Just seeing the colourful cover of it made my day – and I suddenly knew what my word of the year was, is and will be for 2022:

Kaleidoscope Eyes

Because I want to be reminded to view the World from a different angle. That there’s always more positivity around us than some choose to perceive.

And that, in the end, love is everywhere.

“In a World that’s colour blind, we see it all though kaleidoscope eyes” – Sheppard

I know I haven’t been around to say this sooner, but:

Happy New Year Everybody!

I hope 2022 will be great, amazing, full of challenges that will make you stronger, wiser and more beautiful than you already are ♥

Do you have resolutions for this year? Or goals, maybe?

Or have you chosen to inspire yourself by picking a word for 2022, too?

Let me know!

And… If you think you figure out who killed Mr. Black before I do, leave a note in the comments or befriend me on Steam 😊

About My Do’s And Dont’s – Happy 35th!

I had an amazing birthday, just what I wanted. Solitude, quiet, mooing cows, cold yet sunny weather followed by a thunderstorm – loved every second of it! Happy 35th here I am! Or not…?

For me, a spiritual and existential crisis is the same thing in that your foundation gets rocked

• Juliette Lewis •

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Two weeks ago I turned 35.

One week and six days ago I slipped into an existential crisis.

Which didn’t surprise me at first, because usually I have one every month. But this one has stuck with me well into the first few weeks of my 35 years of existence.

What happened, you ask?

The answer to that is a disappointing: nothing. Nothing happened!

In 35 years little to nothing happened.

Here I’ve been, waiting for life to knock on my door and take me out, and I’m still stuck inside.

So, some things have to change. And I know I am the only one who can do that.

For starters, here’s a list of Samantha To-Do’s and To-Don’t, just to set the record straight.

I mean, it’s nice how I keep adjusting myself to how others perceive me, but I now understand that how you perceive me is not my problem. And the part where a lot of people make it my problem is going to change.

Right now 🙂

So I’m going to throw a few things your way to take into account about my personal being.

My 35-year-old-possibly-having-a-midlife-crisis-if-not-an-existential-one-being.

Please note: I am not angry or upset at you, I am just a little disappointed in my life as is right now. And to make changes, I have to start somewhere.

Here goes:

Samantha Please-Dont’s

Look at my picture ↑

Yes, that’s right: that’s me. Don’t believe it? Look at it again. Go ahead, this isn’t part of the “To Don’t’s” yet!

Here’s what is part of my Please Don’t’s:

• DO NOT ASSUME I AM STUPID
  Yes, I am blonde. Yes, I have blue eyes. And yes, even if you cannot see it in this picture, I have curves. Very pretty curves, if I may say so myself. None of those facts make me stupid. In fact, my With Distinction Master degree from university, my impeccable talent for writing harsh yet getting-things-done-ASAP letters of complaint and almost infallible memory (especially trained in remembering seemingly useless facts that WILL help greatly during any pub quiz) make me SMART. Probably smarter than you, if you think that my looks define my brains.

• DO NOT TRY TO CONVERT ME
  I do not believe in God. Any God. Nor will I ever. So please please please stop posting comments to try and convert me to any kind of religion (it happens on a regular basis – my SPAM filters them out). I am not interested, nor do I feel that reading the Bible or talking to God about my problems will help set me free. Leave me alone.
  Please do not get me wrong: I have many friends on and off WordPress who are religious. I love them for it. I respect their faith, enjoy their blogs and like them as persons. It’s possible to not share in such a major thing and still get along. Because we respect each other, regardless of who or what we believe in.
  I would never tell someone else how to live their lives, so please refrain from doing that to me.

• DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE ME
  I know I look adorable, innocent and possibly a bit goofy. I know I try to act kind to everyone and adjust myself to situations and people faster than my youngest niece can finish her bottle of milk (and she’s fast!). I know in my family, people tend to treat me like a fool, but really: I am not (see the first point up there).
  Just because I am stuck in my life right now, doesn’t mean I’ll never get out. I am working on that. And just because I chose not to follow the same path as many people around me, doesn’t mean I am a loser. I am not. I am a fighter.
  And if you ever try to bring me down (again – in some cases this is an “again”), you’ll find out how good a fighter I have become in the last 35 years.

Samantha Please-Do’s

• CONNECT WITH ME
  I am easy to talk to, I promise! Even if I will never win a gold medal for keeping in touch, I will never NOT respond (as long as you don’t try to convert me or chat me up, that is. I will most definitely ignore you if you attempt either of that).
  Sometimes I can get a bit lonely, during this pandemic even more so, and it’s always nice to meet new people. So: please do comment and connect with me.

• HELP ME GROW
  My goodness am I stuck! Even if I am not really asking for advice on how to live my life, I do like to hear how other people go about living theirs. You know, for inspiration. How did you find a decent job? How did you find the love of your life? How are you climbing yourself out of that well you might have been stuck in for a while? The HOW is very important to me, because me being stuck is based on a lack of knowing HOW to move forward. Inspire me with your stories, your decisions, your life, and I’ll share with you mine.

• BELIEVE IN ME
  I know I struggle with believing in myself sometimes, but it helps when other people do that for me. To get me back on track. I feel I am a “don’t judge a book by its cover”-kind of person, and it would help me a great deal if you’d not just pass me over because you don’t like how the story doesn’t seem to fit the cover it comes in.
  I can be anyone’s greatest cheerleader, but for myself I sometimes lack the faith. If you could boost me every once in a while, you’ll find it worth your time and investment as I’ll give it back double – at least!

That’s basically what my 35th life year brought me in terms of wanting: I want people to stop treating me like someone who’s dumb and easy to shape into something they feel I should be.

And I want to surround myself with more and more people like myself: respectful, kind, curious and welcoming.

If I manage to pull that off, I think my 36th will come without an existential crisis and with a lot more love, laughter and warmth.

Thanks for reading 🙂 Be sure to leave a comment (without trying to convert or date me) below

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About Bonds In The Hereafter And In The Here And Now

My bike is great! Although, just my luck: the weather’s taken a turn for the worse, so I spend more time in my car than I do on my new bike. Nevertheless, it’s a revelation to sit on a somewhat higher bike than I am used to! My legs get a better work-out and my back is happier 🙂

Every good act is charity. A man’s true wealth hereafter is the good that he does in this world to his fellows

• Moliere •

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Saturday last week I took my middle sister and mother to another medium get-together in a local botanical garden.

Well, not really a botanical garden, but it had several seats, they served tea with home-made pie and there were plants everywhere. So there you go. Let your imagination run as wild as mine 😉

Throughout the “garden” were several tables, each one offering a different kind of medium to consult if you wanted to.

Having been there before and regretting my medium decision afterwards (pun intended), I now had my heart set on this elderly woman who did something she called automatic writing – she claimed she could write down messages from loved ones who had passed on.

I thought it was fascinating to say the least, immediately got about 1,000 questions in my head (How does it work? Is her handwriting the same as the deceased one’s? Does someone make her hand move or does she hear the message?), and decided to Go For It.

My sister was equally intrigued and joined me, both of our sessions with the handwriting lady falling in line with each other (I had 3pm, sis had 3.30pm), and my mother was happy to have a consultation with someone who did chakra healing two tables over.

In effect: we were all good.

I got a lovely message of several people who have passed on, but are somehow in my mind a lot lately. Not sure if I should take it all too seriously, but at least it was interesting to see the woman write (in an illegible handwriting, I must add – I was happy she had the decency to read her message out loud as I would never have been able to decipher it later). Plus, she answered all my questions, which probably made me even happier than receiving a heart-warming hello from the hereafter.

I mean, no offence, but I assume people I love and are no longer here would just be happy to send me love back.

Now, this is where it gets dramatic, though: I was with the sister who has lost her baby daughter 4 years ago.

It did not take a genius to figure out whose message she was after, and it didn’t take 10 seconds after my session was over for me to start feeling awkward.

For everyone who thought Symphony was great: you’re going to LOVE this one, too! 🙂

Before she started, I asked my sister if she was okay with me staying there beside her, as she had done through my session with the medium.

Sis shrugged it off and gave me a slightly unsteady: “Sure, yeah, I don’t mind.”

Because she didn’t seem too keen on the idea of me listening in, I insisted again that if she wanted me to fetch us some tea (and stay out of earshot for a good half an hour), I’d be more than happy to oblige.

She again rejected the offer and said I was welcome to stay.

So I stayed.

What happened next was both uncomfortable and a relief: we cried together over the loss of I., over the warm message our medium was able to read aloud (again: thank her for that!), and we experienced a heavy topic turning around into something beautiful.

Halfway through the session (we were not allowed to speak as the medium was writing, which gave me about 20 minutes for self-reflection), I realised something. The awkward feeling I had for sitting there, being too much and listening in on something extremely painful and personal for my sister, was not coming from my sister at all!

I was feeling uncomfortable because of me. My sister had said I was welcome to stay, yet I felt a little out of place. That feeling was 100% on me, not on her.

As I realised that, I was able to relax. And stay, but without any guilt.

Afterwards, we grouped up with out mother and did get that tea after all. We talked about our sessions, the mediums and the messages we received.

Sister confided in me that she was “relieved I had stayed”, because she had felt reluctant to sit through it alone, knowing what she was going to ask.

We were even able to talk – just a little bit – about her daughter, my niece, whom we all miss so much, without breaking into tears.

As the three of us walked back to our car, it felt like a burden had been lifted off our shoulders.

Whether or not I believe in the truth of the messages, I am still not sure about.

But I do believe in the love, warmth and gratitude we were filled with afterwards.

And for that, I thank the entire hereafter, because that afternoon provided us all with a little more piece in the here and now ♥

That’s all about my week. How was yours?

About Bicycles And Unconditional Love

My dad’s gout is somewhat better – although it’s not fully healed, yet. My wicked sister has been planning and plotting more evil plans. It seems like she’s unstoppable! I’ve had a successful intake with another potential client and picked up coaching with someone else. And I am very, very excited for my birthday weekend! 25 hours of birthday: here I come! 😀 (We revert to standard time or winter time on the last Sunday of October, giving me an extra hour to feel extra special, hehe)

How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you

• Rupi Kaur •

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While deciding what to write about, thinking I’ve had a “dull week”, it hit me: I learned to love myself unconditionally.

Hah! Talk about a dull week. Only I can think of calling it that 😉

Two major things happened: the unconditional love thing, which, ironically, I have my wicked sister to thank for and will mention after Queen.

And I’ve got a new bike!

Now, I know most of the people who visit my blog might not get this, but in the Netherlands pretty much everyone has a bicycle. We ride it everywhere we can.

I know I do.

(Unless it rains, but I am terribly lazy practical)

Here it is, my new city bike:

Simple, elegant, completely new and all mine! (Don’t let the arrow fool you – it’s a screenshot ;))

My dad took me to this giant bicycle store where they even had a “bike-way” running across the shop floor, to take the vehicles for a test ride.

We had two options singled (or is that “doubled”?) out, and I once again experienced the difference between men and women as I left both my dad and the salesman astonished by choosing the “basic” bicycle over the “more sportive, extra features added to it”-one.

Honestly, I don’t care. It has two wheels, a steering wheel, functioning brakes and lights, I’m good. Nothing was worse than what I had before (which, considering the total loss state my poor old bicycle ended up in, might not have been too hard a thing to accomplish for any bike).

So now I am the proud owner of a new bike! My last one stayed with me for… 15 years at least, so hopefully I won’t have to buy another new one before I’m 50 😉

So, yes, the unconditional love thing.

You might remember my wicked sister being, well, wicked. And mean. And childish. And rotten in general, but only when we’re not present.

This week, I told my mother: “if me being single is the only thing she can come up with to hurt me, she doesn’t know me that well at all.”

My mother then confessed my sister is always cornering her with questions about me: why don’t I have a decent job yet? How come I keep wasting my time on my “business” (quotation marks intended)? Do I ever intend on moving out?

My goodness, where have we gotten to? That’s what I wondered as I sat down to meditate.

I wish I could find a way to let go of all this negative energy, I thought, because I don’t want her to get under my skin.

Sometimes it’s good that Google/YouTube catches your thoughts and turns them into video recommendations.

I stumbled upon a wonderful (yet Dutch so cannot share) meditation on loving the parts of yourself you don’t love right now.

You are here. You are a piece of me, therefore I embrace you

(translated piece from the meditation)

• Meara Luz •

In this meditation, you focus on feeling an overflow of love in your heart with every inhale, and then exhaling-and-sending that love to where it’s needed most inside you.

For instance: I spent this meditation sending love to my head, where I could sense my frustrations about myself and my reactions regarding my sister were located.

Because, as the meditation-voice said: “the parts of us we do not love (yet) need more love, not less.”

That’s how I found out I love myself unconditionally. With my good sides and all my bad sides.

Because a day after doing this meditation, instead of complaining about my sister the way we now do so often in our family, I started joking about the situation in general.

The air’s lifted, people’s spirits are lifted, and the heaviness in my mind has dissolved.

Unconditional love, people, begins in your own heart and expands into the realms of your soul you’d rather hide from. But once you embrace them, good things can and will happen.

That’s all about my week. How was yours?

About Flowers, Toes, No-Showmen And Farmer Girls

Since the last time I blogged, my gerbils have moved into a bigger cage, but with the divider still in place. They have more room now, and I feel somewhat relieved – It’s okay this way. For now. Coco is doing fine, my seedlings have yet to sprout.

No one can hurt me without my permission

• Mahatma Gandhi •

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I am sorry for the delay in posting, but I took a sort-of week off.

Here’s a bullet summary of what happened in the past 2 weeks, so you’re up to speed:

(Advice on evil sisters as well as how to get new clients is always much appreciated 😉)

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1. Let’s Get Floral

This story is about my eldest sister speaking evil of me (as opposed to me speaking evil of her).

What did sis do?

Well, she’s already said mean things about our parents, our other sister, some of her friends and then some. All but herself and her hubby-to-be are used as bullseyes for her to throw darts at. Mind you: she only does this when the subjects in question are not in her direct vicinity.

So it shouldn’t have come as a surprise she’s awful about me, too, when I’m not around. It did hurt, though.

After summoning my mother to aid her in her quest on finding a wedding dress, sis told her she would get not one, but two bridal bouquets.

Why?

Well, so she could throw them both at me of course! And therewith increase my chances of catching not only a bundle of flowers, but a boyfriend as well.

“Finally,” at that, too, because: “it’s about time that gets settled.”

Sis and her boyfriend then laughed heartily at their own joke – at my expense.

Even if this hurt my feelings, it also taught me something: 1) I don’t need a man to fix some hole in my life; when I find love it’s going to be a bonus, not a must-have! And 2) I get over hurt easier now than I did a few years ago. If my own sister can treat me like this and I can move on this fast, then there’s nothing that can stop me! 🙂

2. Footloose

My dad had a pretty bad case of gout (if that’s the correct word) in his toes and feet a few weeks ago. Seven weeks ago, actually. And even if he got medicine and even if that worked a little, it’s still far from over.

So back to the GP and she sent my dad to the hospital for some tests.

And then the few tests multiplied into several more tests and my parents were gone for about a day.

My dad’s got an injection IN his big toe (OUCH!) as well as additional medicine to help dwindle the size of his toes and of course lighten the pain. He has more tests upcoming week and will receive the results of them all a week after that.

Fingers crossed this will help him!

Weeeeeeeee, my new favourite choreo! Oof, this is a workout on its own! 😀

3. The Greatest No-Showman

I had my first no-show this week!

Someone requested a free session, which I offer to meet potential new clients before I coach them (or not), but she hadn’t replied to any of the messages I sent her back.

So I phoned her last Monday and she answered on the first ring. We talked a little, and she mentioned she was into the free session, but was a bit anxious over what I charge. I told her we could work something out if needed and “let’s have this free meeting first to see what steps to take next.”

We scheduled an online meeting for last Friday, 9 am (AAAARGH I hate mornings!!) and come Friday morning, a quarter to 9, I am online and ready!

Five minutes pass beyond our meeting time and nothing. But that’s okay, I mean, sometimes someone is a bit late.

Ten minutes after that, however, I get uneasy (who likes waiting??) and I call her, but no answer. I leave a message, but again nothing.

I officially gave up at 9.18am and am now a little anxious myself. Not over what I charge, but over whether or not I should be celebrating this.

My first no show! What a milestone!

I feel like a real entrepreneur right now! With actual let downs and disinterested potential clients. Woohoo!

I know, I know, getting clients is so much better than this, but I feel you cannot ever take yourself seriously until someone else treats you like a fool first.

I am so having chocolate after writing this post! 😊

4. The Real Harvest Moon

This year, for my birthday, I was thinking about buying myself a copy of the newest Harvest Moon game (or Story of Seasons as it’s now called). Yes, I am a nerdy game-farmer during the weekends 😉

But apart from the present I want for myself, every other silly plan didn’t grow into anything more than, well, a silly plan.

I always celebrate my birthday in style by using the day itself to do something I’ve always wanted to do. Like go shooting, getting a tattoo, or seeing pandas in real life!

This year, nothing I came up with worked out and by the end of September I was in a slight mode of panic: what am I going to DOOOO???

My special day is on a Sunday this year, which means if I don’t get out my family is coming to barge in! (And in case you haven’t realised how our family relations are doing, may I remind you of point 1 of this list?)

During a meditation I thought: the only thing I want is piece and quiet. I don’t want to be at home, I want to go somewhere, hike around, have a nice dinner, be out in the open and relax. Be away from it all.

I told my mother and she loved the idea of hiking a trail somewhere. I then proceeded to tell her I maybe wanted to build the whole weekend around it, and she got even more excited!

I then found a really nice farmer’s hotel offer: three days, two nights, including breakfast and one dinner, in a forest area with hiking trails everywhere, castles, quaint villages and, best of all: far, FAR away from where I live.

I booked it!

I am officially set for my birthday, 2021! Bring on the 35th year of my life – Harvest Moon style!

That’s my update for the past two weeks. How have your weeks been?